Choosing a name for your child can be a challenge. You want to find the perfect name that’s timeless and special, but you don’t want anything that will be a source of mockery later in life. The thought of your kid getting bullied because of a choice you, as a parent made, is not a fun one. Which brings us to celebrities who seem to be giving their children really, really weird names these days. What are famous parents thinking?
Michael Jackson’s son, Blanket recently had his name changed after years of bullying. He goes by Bigi now. That news made us wonder, what other celebrity children will probably end up changing their names? Will Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple change her goopy name? Will Amber Rose’s child, Slash Electric want a name change later in life? Only time will tell. We decided we’d take a look at some bad baby names and rank them from disturbing to cringeworthy. Here are the 30 worst celebrity baby names that grown adults purposefully picked for their offspring.
30. Bluebell Madonna – Gerri Halliwell & Sacha Gervasi
Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell named her daughter Bluebell Madonna which doesn’t really have a ring to it. Geri’s daughter was born in 2006 and was joined by her half brother Montague in 2017.
29. Briar Rose – Rachel Bilson & Hayden Christensen
Actors Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen share a daughter named Briar Rose. They gave their child the first name, Briar. Let’s hope they call her by her middle name, Rose.
28. Dusty Rose – Adam Levine & Behati Prinsloo
Singer Adam Levine and model Behati Prinsloo have two kids together: Gio Grace and Dusty Rose. While we’re not crazy about the name Gio Grace, their other kid’s name, Dusty Rose sounds like she was named after a dirty flower.
27. Kulture Kiari – Cardi B & Offset
Rappers Cardi B and Offset named their baby born in 2018, Kulture Kiari. Offset’s legal name is Kiari Kendrell Cephus. We love the name Kiari, we’re just not sold on Kulture.
26. Moxie CrimeFighter – Penn Jillette & Emily Zolten
Magician Penn Jillette and wife Emily Zolten named their daughter Moxie CrimeFighter. Her name will make you think she’s a character from a comic book, but she is indeed a real, 14-year-old individual.
25. Rocket Zot – Lara Bingle Worthington & Sam Worthington
Actor Sam Worthington and model Lara Worthington are proud parents of a 4-year-old they decided to name Rocket Zot. We searched for the definition of the word, “zot” and found no acceptable meanings. The couple is from Australia so perhaps it’s an Aussie thing?
24. Satchel – Tonya Lewis Lee & Spike Lee
Iconic filmmaker Spike Lee and his wife Tonya Lewis Lee have a daughter named Satchel. Isn’t that like naming your child bookbag? There has got to be a story behind this unique name.
23. Speck Wildhorse – John Mellencamp & Elaine Irwin
Musician John Mellencamp and model Elaine Irwin have five kids together. They came up with some pretty interesting names for each of them. Hud Mellencamp, Justice Mellencamp, Teddi Jo Mellencamp, Michelle Mellencamp are all fine. We’re not sure what happened with they got to Speck Wildhorse, but when you have that many kids, you’re allowed to do whatever you want.
22. Memphis Eve Sunny Day – Ali Hewson & Bono
Actor Eve Hewson is daughter to famous parents, Bono and Ali Hewson. She’s known professionally as Eve Hewson but her full name is Memphis Eve Sunny Day Hewson. It sounds like Bono tossed a whole bunch of words in a hat and then pulled out a few.
21. Diezel & Denim – Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Musicians Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis share two sons together. Their names are Denim Cole and Diezel Ky. Denim and Diezel are some butch names for baby boys. We don’t know if we’d rather be named after fabric or fuel.
20. Zuma Nesta Rock – Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
Before Gwen Stefani met current partner Blake Shelton, she was with rocker Gavin Rossdale. Gwen and Gavin managed to name one of their children Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Zuma was born in 2008. We know it’s not Zuma’s fault, but still… It sounds like a workout class, not a human name.
19. Harley Quinn – Kevin Smith & Jennifer Schwalbach Smith
Director Kevin Smith and actor Jennifer Schwalbach Smith named their daughter after a comic book character. Kevin and Jennifer are parents to 20-year-old Harley Quinn Smith who’s an actor and musician. A name like Harley Quinn is made for showbusiness (and nothing else). But hey, she’ll have her moment when Birds of Prey comes out this year…
18. Bronx Mowgli – Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz
Shortly after musicians Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz married, they gave birth to a son and named him Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Ashlee and Pete are no longer together, but the name lives on. Bronx Mowgli sounds like the name of a movie. Perhaps it’s a sequel to The Jungle Book where Mowgli finds himself in the concrete jungle? It’s just bad.
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17. Jermajesty – Jermaine Jackson & Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza
Jermaine Jackson of The Jackson Five fame has a 19-year-old son named Jermajesty Jackson. Jermajesty sounds like someone is referring to a royal, “Her Majesty.” Clearly this name is a mashup of Jermaine and Majesty. We just don’t think it works together. It’s overly cutesy and insular for a baby’s name, and just a bad pun to boot.
16. Fifi Trixibelle – Bob Geldof & Paula Yates
Irish musician Bob Geldof and his wife Paula Yates gave birth to Fifi Trixibelle Geldof in 1983. We know the 1980s were insane, but Fifi Trixibelle? Honestly? Did they want her to grow up to be a cat?
Comedian and actor Jason Lee and his wife Beth Riesgraf, who is an actor as well, have a 16-year-old boy named Pilot Inspektor Lee. Apparently the name was inspired by a song by the indie rock band, Grandaddy. We’d like to stay far away from whatever inspired this ridiculous name.
14. Ode Mountain – Jena Malone & Ethan DeLorenzo
Actor Jena Malone from The Hunger Games and her ex Ethan DeLorenzo named their son Ode Mountain DeLorenzo Malone. Jena has never offered an explanation of the strange name, but she doesn’t really need to. The boy is now 5-years-old and will probably be called “old mountain” his entire life.
13. Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence – Uma Thurman & Arpad Busson
Actor Uma Thurman gave birth to Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence in 2012. The name is… somewhat of a mouthful. Apparently, Uma and boyfriend, Arpad Busson couldn’t agree on a name for their daughter, so they gave her five. “We couldn’t quite agree on the name, so we call her Luna,” Uma told Jimmy Fallon shortly after giving birth. You can spell “Luna” with letters from Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence’s name, but that seems to be the only connection? Actually, you can spell dozens of names with the letters in that name.
12. Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice, and River Rocket Blue Dallas – Jamie Oliver & Juliette Norton
Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver and his wife Juliette Norton have five children. All of their kids were given absolutely ridiculous names. The kids range in ages from 3 to 17-years-old. Were there any names left by the time the youngest was born? Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice, and River Rocket Blue Dallas are characters from a British cartoon, right? Or did they just pluck words at random from the dictionary like a Cocteau Twins song?
11. Audio Science – Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
Actor Shannyn Sossamon, and her ex Dallas Clayton share a 16-year-old son named Audio Science Clayton. Audio Science? Audio Science! In an interview with Billboard, Shannyn explained that they chose the name by picking random words out of the dictionary. (See, it’s a thing!) When the time came to name their son the two words ‘audio’ and ‘science,’ “just floated up, and I go with my instincts.” As one does.
10. Gravity Blue – Stormi Bree & Lucky Blue Smith
Models Stormi Bree and Lucky Blue Smith have pretty interesting names to begin with. Stormi Bree sounds like a cheese hurricane. It should come as no surprise that the couple opted for a unique name for their baby, Gravity Blue Smith. Is using free association to name a baby a new trend?
9. Beatrice Danger – Jess Weixler & Hamish Brocklebank
The Good Wife actor Jess Weixler and husband Hamish Brocklebank welcomed their baby, Beatrice Danger Brocklebank, in 2019. Their daughter’s middle name is literally Danger. We can’t tell if this is just bad or actually really funny. Either way, Danger was a bold choice.
8. Kyd Miller – David Duchovny & Téa Leoni
Strange man and X Files star David Duchovny and ex-wife, fictional president, Téa Leoni, have a 17-year-old son together name Kyd Miller Duchovny. Kyd sounds just like “kid.” The name, Kyd comes from old English and means baby goat. We suppose Kyd Miller is better than Baby Goat Miller. Although… never mind.
7. Moroccan Scott – Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon
Queen of Christmas Mariah Carey shares twins with her ex, performer Nick Cannon. One of them is named Moroccan Scott Cannon. Not Morocco, like the African nation, Moroccan like the penthouse room of their NYC apartment. Yes, the room is decorated in a “Moroccan theme” and is where Nick proposed to Mariah. If your name was inspired by room decor, does that set you up well for life?
6. Winter Mercy – Alanis Morissette & Mario Souleye Treadway
Musicians Alani Morissette, and partner Mario Souleye Treadway named their 5-month-old after a sad poem? The couple named their son,Winter Mercy Morissette-Treadway. “Winter Mercy” or “Winter’s Mercy” sounds like a melancholy coming of age novel you read in middle school. That’s a lot to carry around as a kid!
5. Banks Violet- Hilary Duff & Matthew Koma
You can take this one to the banks. Actor Hilary Duff and musician Matthew Koma have a 1-year-old daughter that they named Banks Violet Bair. There’s a lot to unpack here, firstly, Banks? Hilary really named her daughter after financial institutions? Or, did she mean like the landscape? Like a bank of snow or a riverbank? Why is it plural? We have questions, clearly.
4. Everest Hobson – George Lucas & Mellody Hobson
Star Wars creator George Lucas and wife Mellody Hobson welcomed their son in 2013. The now 6-year-old is named Everest Hobson Lucas. Everest? Did they name their son after the world’s highest mountain? If not the mountain, perhaps it was the surveyor, Sir George Everest. Either way, what would the nickname be? “Rest,” “Ev,” and “Ver” all seem pretty terrible.
3. Heiress Diana – T.I. & Tameka Cottle
Rapper T.I. and wife Tameka Cottle have a 3-year-old daughter named Heiress Diana Harris. When a teacher goes to call the roll they will say, “Heiress Harris.” We truly hope this young girl grows up to be more than an heir and that she takes over the whole world. This name also contains shades of “Princess Diana,” which is… fairly weighty, considering.
2. Huckleberry and Marmaduke – Bear Grylls & Shara Grylls
Adventurous TV personality Bear Grylls and his wife Shara Grylls have three children together. Two of the three kids have unfortunate names. Marmaduke Mickey Percy Grylls & Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls are names we would not wish on our worst enemies. Bear likes to call Huckleberry, “Huckles” for short. Huckles. Not even Huck?! Which is, like, an actual name.
1. Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen – Frank Zappa & Adelaide Gail Sloatman-Zappa
Musician Frank Zappa and his wife Gail Zappa gave birth to a beautiful, baby girl in 1979. They named their little bundle of joy Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Now, we don’t take much offense with the first name, Diva, but Thin Muffin Pigeen… there’s just too much to unpack there. Diva Muffin Zappa has survived this long, in spite of the name, and is a successful actor and entrepreneur.
From Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen to Zuma Nesta Rock, that’s our list of the top 30 worst celebrity baby names. Ranging from odd to downright dumb, new parents should probably not use this list as inspiration. If you’re feeling worried about the name you’ve recently given your child, take a breath. You could have done much, much worse.
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