A mom writes in asking for advice. She had two kids when she was very young and now, many years later, is pregnant with her third. Despite having gone through this before, she feels nothing but fear, dread, and anxiety, and it is manifesting in some destructive and hurtful ways. What advice do you have for her?
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A member of the community asks:
“So I posted not too long ago and got some really good feedback and decided to be raw and get some honest opinions. I’m pregnant with my third baby. My first two I had extremely young, but I was always excited during my pregnancy and loved them. I think I’m a pretty good mom. If we’re honest, I think I’m a pretty great mom.
When my children were young, I always wanted a third baby when I was older and had my sh*t together, and then I got pregnant. I have no idea what happened, but I can’t get excited about this baby. My husband and I just bought a house, he’s extremely supportive, he’s excited, and he tries to understand where I’m coming from, but I know I say horrible things that hurt him.
I’m embarrassed, but I’ve even said I didn’t want her, and if it weren’t for my other two kids, I’d walk away and let him have the baby. I don’t feel like I’m in love with her or even bonded at all. I finally set the nursery up this weekend and I was hoping it would get my excited but it didn’t. I don’t get it. I love my kids, I have my sh*t together. What’s wrong with me? My husband thinks I’ll love her just like my other two, but I’m really concerned I won’t.
I’m very scared. My husband doesn’t understand my fear since we already have two children, but every single day I think about college for three, cars for three, etc. Oh and I was a stay at home mom before, and my husband wants me to again. I know we can afford it since the day I found out I was pregnant we have been living solely on my husband’s income, but I’m still freaked and stressed. Do I wanna be a stay at home mom?
If I love this baby like my other two, then yes, but I just don’t right now. What will I do after for work? How will my other children adjust? How will I take my two kids to sports, make dinner, and tote a baby? How will I throw another child’s sports schedule in the mix? What if I’m not good at babies anymore? It’s been 9 years! When do babies eat? How much? When do I burp it? Will I be able to keep my cool on the middle of the night I’m older now?
I know it’s a lot. I just don’t know how to accept this pregnancy and love her. She will be here in a month and I feel horrible that I’m not so excited to meet her.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Anxious About Her Third Pregnancy
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The overwhelming majority of community members who responded said that this mom’s feelings are perfectly natural. Many moms go through this fear, even if they’ve had kids before. Most point out that the OP will likely feel differently when the baby is here. Others suggest she find a good support network of moms in her area and/or talk to a doctor about prenatal depression.
In the end, Mama, don’t be so hard on yourself. We know it’s hard, but we really believe you will feel so much better when you see your daughter’s face for the first time. If you don’t believe us, believe the other moms who said they went through the very same thing.
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