25 Brilliant Tweets About Parenting and Married Life from Henpecked Hal

If you don’t already know about Henpecked Hal, a hilarious dad who loves sharing his observations about married life and parenting on Twitter, let us introduce you. Parenting is a lot of things all at once and Hal manages to condense the comedy, insanity, absurdity, and love into perfect little tweets. The internet can be a toxic place, but Hal manages to keep things light and funny and always nails a good dad joke.

We decided to look at some of Hal’s latest tweets and share some of the funniest with you to give you a taste of what he’s all about. If you’re a parent, you know how bonkers raising a child is. Hal’s a father to two toddlers and he’s clearly going through it. Here are 25 incredible tweets about parenting and marriage that will bring a smile to your face and let you know that you’re not alone. It really is as bad as you think it is.

Silence is a Gift

No one prepares you for the nonstop screaming and that’s a fact. When they’re babies they cry, then crying turns into yelling and still crying. Kids have so much bottled up inside that they need to let it out. All the time. We feel this tweet.

Consider Glamping Instead

You’re either raised with camping and enjoy being out in nature with your family or you didn’t and have no desire to chase after your children in the woods while being devoured by bugs. It’s as simple as that.

What’s Past is Prologue

We all have aspirations for our children, but this tweet from Hal took a dark turn. The things we do to prepare our children for the real world…

*Chef’s Kiss* à la Tweet

What’s the old saying? “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.” If the article still fits and covers some portion of the body it’s still doing its job as far as we’re concerned.

We Need This Energy

Hal’s son is meant for a life involving basketball or track and field. We appreciate this child’s flex.

Compromise is Beautiful

Getting married changes you in so many ways. You’re not only gaining a partner, but you’re also gaining life skills you didn’t know you needed. Enjoy.


We tell our kids a lot of things to coax them into leaving the park or putting away their toys. When the time comes that the little ones discover the truth, we’re doomed.

Someone Needs a Day Off

Yes. When you have kids a family holiday is a vacation from what, exactly? Unfortunately, parenting doesn’t stop at the beach.

Good Morning!

Mornings can be tough. When you have a kid, you learn that children don’t understand the concept and don’t actually care that time exists.

Potty Breaks

Parents need potty breaks too. When raising a little one, it’s the most hands-on experience of your life. This tweet perfectly illustrates how hard it is to find just a minute for yourself.

Very Reasonable

We don’t want bones anymore either! How do we make that a reality for children and adults?

Rules Are Rules

Kids and their little minds process relationships in the most interesting way. It’s funny how adults like Hal perpetuate gender stereotypes onto their toddler’s relationships.

Science! Send Tweet

Do whales have butts? We’re sure they do, but it will take some convincing.

Survival of the Fittest

Being a parent can sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It’s best to just go with a meltdown when it comes and not try and avoid the inevitable altogether. Let’s hope they don’t see the tweets.

Lizard Lips

Aha! You can put chapstick on a lizard!


Social distancing and the closure of many businesses has us waxing poetic about simpler times.

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Learning to Hydrate

Our insides were all just desert-scapes before meeting our partners. In fact, did we even exist before the moment we met them?

Knowing the Responsibilities

This is gold. Staying at home is the best defense to help slow the spread of the novel coronavirus. It’s unbelievable that people complain about it.


Understanding the whims of a toddler requires you to turn into a revered child psychologist. There’s no rhyme or reason and we’re all doing our best to avoid a fit.

When You’re the Kleenex

We’re reevaluating the nature of our reality at this moment. You might be asking yourself, “why do I even get dressed in the morning?” Hal just tweeted the answer.

Pasta Problems

Communication is key! That fact is especially true when it comes to gemelli, farfalle, macaroni, and fusilli.

RELATED: 25 Funny Tweets From Husbands About Their Wives That Are All Too Real


Hal is a monster for this but it’s hilarious. We don’t recommend this tactic unless you’re prepared for divorce.

Tough Talk

Having difficult conversations is part of the job description of being a parent and an adult. There’s a time and place for everything and we don’t recommend bringing up sensitive matters like Hal.

The Blanklet

A child’s independence can only truly be realized when they’re allowed to make mistakes. “Blanklet” is an adorable way for a child to say blanket, but it probably won’t age well.

Need for Speed

Little minds are the actual fastest animals live. How do they think of so many questions? This hilarious tweet about trying to reason with a toddler is gold.

There you go! Now you know about Twitter’s favorite dad, Hal. We hope you enjoyed his humorous tweets about parenting. It’s not easy, but if you laugh at yourself, it gets a whole lot better.

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