If your little matey is one with the sea, then you’ll be sure to earn a giggle or too out of them with these hilarious pirate jokes for kids. They might be corny and they might make some adults roll their eyes, but the kids will get a kick out of them and that’s all that really matters, am I right?
Children benefit a lot from laughter – they don’t say laughter is the best medicine for nothing. It not only has a psychological benefit by reducing stress and anxiety, but it has developmental benefits and societal benefits – laughter is contagious and is often reciprocated by others.
And if laughter is what you’re going for, then why not sprinkle in some of the funniest pirate jokes for kids – it can change their mood instantly, especially if they’re into the whole pirate lifestyle. They might even memorize the joke and use it on their friends later, but only if the joke is good!
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Have You Heard of These Pirate Jokes for Kids?
Pirate jokes for kids are versatile – they can be used in practically any situation and be deemed for success in the process. They might catch your audience off-guard, but those are often the best jokes. And if you can get your delivery right, then you might make the whole room laugh.
With that said, you’ll notice several themes associated with pirate jokes for kids. For example, a lot of the jokes below make use of the ‘ARGH!’ saying – which is a famous one among pirates. They also spend a lot of time out at sea, making it a common focus with pirate jokes for kids.
Other themes you’ll come across below include parrots, eye patches, walking the plank, wooden peg legs, and – of course – treasure hunting. These are all common stereotypes with pirates, which is why they’re such a good target for all the pirate jokes for kids we have for you!
50. Why are math teachers secretly pirates?
Answer: Because they’re always trying to find X!
My Reaction: Finding the solution to a math problem is the only treasure a teacher needs!
49. What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?
Answer: You are perfect just the way you ARRRRR!
My Reaction: Who knows, maybe some pirates have a sensitive side we don’t know about!
48. Why did the pirate go to college?
Answer: He wanted to become an ARRRRchitect!
My Reaction: When I was young, I wanted to be an architect, but things changed the second I got to college – which is okay!
47. Knock knock… Who’s there? … Garden… Garden who?
Answer: I’m garden the treasure!
My Reaction: Don’t lose sight of your treasure, guard it at all costs!
46. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
Answer: The second hand shop!
My Reaction: A second hand shop is one that sells used goods, but if you need a second hand – then why not take a look?
45. If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their crew wear?
Answer: An iPatch!
My Reaction: This is a clever and modern joke that your child will likely understand – it made me laugh!
44. What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
Answer: The swordfish!
My Reaction: Is a pirate without his sword even a pirate? I say no!
43. What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength?
Answer: His left hook!
My Reaction: Does your child like to box? It’s a great way to exercise and a good test of the mind.
42. Where are American pirates from?
Answer: ARRRRkansas!
My Reaction: It’s official, anyone from Arkansas is now a pirate – but the good kind!
41. What type of haircut does a pirate get?
Answer: A crew cut!
My Reaction: Pirates will do anything for their crew, so it makes sense!
40. Why did two pirates get into an argument?
Answer: Because they couldn’t see aye to aye!
My Reaction: This would be a good time to teach your child about how to deal with an argument and find solutions to problems.
39. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching his favorite show?
Answer: Because he was hooked!
My Reaction: What’s your child’s favorite television show? Which television shows do you enjoy watching with your child?
38. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
Answer: One has a rumbling tummy and the other a tumbling rummy.
My Reaction: If your tummy isn’t feeling too well, for whatever reason, maybe it’s time to lay down and rest!
37. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
Answer: I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
My Reaction: In other words – Aye, Aye, ARGH!, and the seven seas (Arctic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, North Pacific, South Pacific, Indian, and Southern oceans).
36. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?
Answer: They enjoy ARRRRRt class!
My Reaction: I bet they like to draw pictures of their treasure in art class!
35. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Answer: A rookie!
My Reaction: If he hasn’t lost his eye or leg yet, is he even really a pirate?
34. What do pirates do for fun?
Answer: They love to pARRRRty!
My Reaction: Maybe it’s time to throw your child a pirate-themed party!
33. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
Answer: The plank!
My Reaction: I’d much rather do the plank than walk the plank, I know that for certain!
32. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?
Answer: Patches!
My Reaction: Other suitable names include Matey, Hook, Captain, Ahoy, and Gally.
31. Which gym did the pirate visit?
Answer: Gold’s Gym!
My Reaction: Gold’s Gym is a popular fitness chain that originated in Venice Beach in 1965. Unfortunately, pirates won’t find any gold or hidden treasure there!
30. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
Answer: Polly wants a ‘quacker.’
My Reaction: The true saying is ‘Polly wants a cracker,’ and was the original slogan for saltine crackers.
29. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
Answer: ARRRRRgentina!
My Reaction: Believe it or not, there has always been a growing concern of piracy in and around Argentina.
28. How do you make a pirate furious?
Answer: You take the ‘P’ away!
My Reaction: Without the ‘P,’ the word pirate turns into irate, which means angry or furious.
27. Where do pirates park their ships?
Answer: In the harrrrrrrbor!
My Reaction: That is, if they make it there in one piece!
26. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Answer: Termites.
My Reaction: Whether they find their way on the ship or on their leg, termites will destroy any wood in their path!
25. How do you save a drowning pirate?
Answer: With C-P-ARRRRR!
My Reaction: Does your child know what CPR is? If not, teach them the basics!
24. Why is pirating so addictive?
Answer: They say one you lose your first hand, you tend to get hooked.
My Reaction: Let’s hope no one loses any hands and no one has to get hooked!
23. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Answer: Because they spend years at “C”!
My Reaction: Three letters down, 23 more to go!
22. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
Answer: He bought it on sail!
My Reaction: The Jolly Roger is the flag flown on pirate ships to identify themselves, so nice use of the ‘sail’ and ‘sale’ pun.
21. Where do pirates go when they need to use the bathroom?
Answer: The poop deck!
My Reaction: If your child is like me, then they’ll laugh just hearing the word ‘poop.’
20. What kind of ship do pirates find it hard to maintain?
Answer: A relationship!
My Reaction: All they care about is themselves and their crew – and their treasure!
19. What grades did the pirates get in school?
Answer: High C’s!
My Reaction: The ‘high seas’ refer to any part of the ocean not controlled by a specific country.
18. What do you call a pirate that likes to skip school?
Answer: Captain Hooky!
My Reaction: Of course, we all know better than to play hooky, right?
17. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Answer: Right where you left him!
My Reaction: I mean, if he doesn’t have his wooden legs, how is he going to get anywhere?
16. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Answer: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
My Reaction: As long as everyone’s happy with their treasure, then we’re happy!
15. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved.
My Reaction: You can replace ‘pirate’ with any pronoun, but it’s only right that we use pirate because they love the ocean and sea.
14. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Answer: Shiver me timbers!
My Reaction: In pirate lingo, ‘timber’ means wooden leg – get it now?
13. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
Answer: 8 pirates!
My Reaction: Get it, because pirates are missing an eye (eye patch), a leg (wooden peg), and an arm (hook).
12. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Answer: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
My Reaction: At least they’ll be clean when found!
11. What is a pirate’s favorite juice to drink?
Answer: Hi-C!
My Reaction: Look at that, another ‘high seas’ pun – does your child like Hi-C?
10. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Answer: Aye to aye!
My Reaction: Clever use of the ‘eye to eye’ pun, but also ironic because pirates usually only have one eye.
9. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
Answer: Because the captain was standing on the deck!
My Reaction: Well, you should tell him to get off of it!
8. What soda do pirates’ always drink?
Answer: ARRR Sea Cola!
My Reaction: This one might be a bit of a stretch, but those that love RC Cola will get it immediately!
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Answer: The letter RRRRRRR!
My Reaction: You can also say the letter C, since they spend most of their day at sea!
6. How do the pirates know that they are pirates?
Answer: They think so, therefore they ARRRR!
My Reaction: You can be anything you want to be and do anything you put your mind to!
5. What is a pirate’s favorite brand of cereal?
Answer: Captain Crunch!
My Reaction: Captain Crunch is one of the most popular pirates – though he’s fictional. Did you know the character’s name is Jean LaFoote?
4. What was the parrot’s favorite game?
Answer: Hide and speak!
My Reaction: Just be careful what you say around a parrot because they might repeat it!
3. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Answer: Aye, matey years old!
My Reaction: If you didn’t get it the first time, ‘aye, matey’ sounds a lot like ‘I’m eighty’ when said quickly – clever, huh?
2. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
Answer: Because he left the phone off the hook!
My Reaction: A lot of kids today won’t understand this because all they know is cell phones, but it’s a good opportunity to teach them about old times.
1. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
Answer: An arm and a leg!
My Reaction: Only it’s not referring to money, but an actual arm and a leg!
Which Are Your Favorite Pirate Jokes for Kids?
It’s safe to say you now have an endless amount of pirate jokes for kids at your disposal – the question is which ones are you going to use and when are you going to start cranking them out? Just make sure you don’t tell them too often, or else your children might get a little annoyed.
Don’t worry, there are a ton of other ways you can have some pirate-related fun with your child. For example, you can read a book about pirates together, watch a kid-friendly pirate movie or TV show, go on a treasure hunt, or have arts and crafts time by making a custom eye patch.
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Either way, your child deserves to have the time of their life and if that means living in their pirate fantasy, then that’s what parents are prepared to do – anything to make their little one smile. Don’t forget to let us know how you make out with the pirate jokes for kids, we hope they laugh!
If you liked these fun pirate jokes, we’ve got so many more to share with you! Take a look at our favorite jokes for kids. We’ve got hundreds of them so you’re in for a treat.
Nothing is better than hearing your little ones laugh. So we are here to help you find the perfect joke that is kid-friendly and also hilarious.
From Elsa and animals to science jokes and ones about cows, these jokes for kids are sure to be a crowd-pleaser! So what are you waiting for?
1. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
Because she will “let it go, let it go.”
2. Why didn’t the duck pay for the lip balm?
He wanted to put it on his bill.
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
4. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school?
Arrrrrrrrrrt.
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5. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!
6. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was “ahead” but the tomato was trying to “catch up.”
7. Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!
8. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod!
9. Where do cows go for entertainment?
The moooooooooovies.
10. How do you learn to be a trash collector?
Just pick it up as you go along.
11. What would a bear say if he got confused?
I barely understand.
12. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
13. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
14. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
16. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
17. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
18. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
19. Is your refrigerator running?
You better go catch it.
20. How much does a chimney cost?
Nothing because it’s on the house.
21. What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Sneakers.
22. Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
So he could visit Pluto!
23. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
Because it’s never right.
24. Where do cows go on Friday nights?
They go to the moo-vies!
25. Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
26. How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
27. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
28. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
29. What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween?
Baaad to the bone.
30. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s fine, he woke up.
31. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
By the bark.
32. When does a joke become a “dad joke?”
When it becomes apparent.
33. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we’ll go places together.
34. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
35. Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
36. How do celebrities stay cool?
They have many fans.
37. What stays in a corner and travels all over the world?
A stamp.
38. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head
39. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
40. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
But catscan.
41. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
42. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
43. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A lamborghini.
44. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
45. What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear!
46. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two!
47. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
48. What music frightens balloons?
Pop music.
49. What do witches ask for at hotels?
Broom service!
50. Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum.
51. Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they’re two-tired!
Because he was a little shellfish!
53. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
54. Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball!
55. What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear!
56. What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?
A monster on a tricycle.
57. Why couldn’t the pony sing “Happy Birthday?”
Because she was just a little hoarse!
58. Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
59. Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed!
60. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
61. What do porcupines say when they kiss?
Ouch.
62. What do you give a sick bird?
A tweetment.
63.What do cows read?
CATTLE-logs.
64. Why do vampires seem sick all the time?
Because they’re always coffin!
65. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.
66. Which hand is it better to write with?
Neither, it’s better to write with a pencil!
67. Why did the robber jump in the shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
68. What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A bat!
69. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company?
Monkey business.
70. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.
71. Why do tigers have stripes?
So they don’t get spotted.
72. What kind of nut has no shell?
A doughnut.
73. What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon aid.
74. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
It smells like carrots over here!
75. What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
76. Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window?
Because he wanted to see a butterfly!
77. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
78. What did the volcano say to his wife?
I lava you so much.
79. When is a baseball player like a spider?
When he catches a fly.
80. How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
81. How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
You’re under a vest.
83. Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.
84. What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key!
85. What did Tennessee?
The same thing as Arkansas
86. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish!
87. How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.
88. How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch!
89. How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card!
90. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner.
91. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
92. When is it time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30)
93. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn’t exist yet!
94. Why was the broom late for school?
It overswept!
95. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
96. What’s the best way to throw a birthday party on Mars?
You planet.
97. What candy is always running late to things?
Choco-late
98. Why do all witches wear black?
So you can’t tell which witch is which.
99. What’s a pencil’s favorite place to visit?
Pencil-vania.
100. What gets wetter the more that it dries?
A towel!
101. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!
102. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
103. What do you call a gorilla with bananas in its ears?
Anything you like, he can’t hear you.
104. What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common?
They both have stuffing.
105. How do you clean a chicken?
An egg wash!
106. Why did the teacher put on sunglasses?
Because their students were so bright!
107. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
The snow!
108. What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between us, something smells.
109. What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog!
110. How do they answer the phone at the paint shop?
Yellow!
111. What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday.
112. What’s faster hot or cold?
Hot, because everyone catches a cold.
113. Why did the teddy bear not ask for dessert?
Because he was already so stuffed!
114. What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
115. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
116. Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
117. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
118. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day-scare centers.
119. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
120. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
“I Apollo-gise.”
121. What does a vampire take for a sore throat?
Coffin drops.
122. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
123. What did the science book say to the maths book?
Wow, you’ve got problems.
124. What do bumblebees chew?
Bumble gum.
125. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
“Owwwww-ch!”
126. What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
A power plant!
127. What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrr-ple.
128. What song does a cat like best?
Three Blind Mice.
129. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
130. Why did the scarecrow get an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
131. Why do ducks have tail feathers
To cover their butt quacks
132. Why did the guy name his dogs Timex and Rolex?
Because they were watch dogs.
133. What kind of eggs do evil chickens lay?
Deviled Eggs
134. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet…
I don’t know Y?
135. I’m afraid for the Calendar…
Because the days are numbered.
136. What do lawyers wear when they go to court?
Law-suits.
137. Why is Superman’s outfit always so tight on him?
It’s a size S.
138. What is cheese that doesn’t belong to you called?
Nacho cheese.
139. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Yeah, I smell carrots too.
140. Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
141. Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
142. Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
143. Two goldfish are in a tank, the one says to the other, do you know how to drive this thing?
144. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.
145. I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
146. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
147. Why did the pony need a glass of water?
He was a little horse.
148. Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
149. Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible.
150. Inspecting mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
151. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
152. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idear.
153. Which states have the most streets?
Rhode Island.
154. Why was the burglar so sensitives?
He takes things personally.
155. I was accused of being a plagiarist, their words not mine.
156. What kind of music do chiropractors like?
Hip Pop.
157. What’s an alligator in a vest called?
An investi-gator.
He felt crummy.
159. What did the Dalmatian say after she had a huge meal?
That hit the spot.
160. What type of shoes do frogs have too many pairs of?
Open-toad shoes.
161. Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano?
It’s just so lavable.
162. Dad, Can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like?
No, sun.
163. I knew there was a new store called moderation. They have everything there.
164. Why do so many fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
165. What’s one way we know the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
166. What kind of photos will you find on a turtle’s phone?
Shell-fies.
167. Where should you go if you want to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
168. I don’t buy anything with velcro, it’s such a total rip-off!
169. I once had a dream I was a muffler, I woke up exhausted.
170. I made a pencil with two easers, it was pointless.
171. What kind of shoes does a banana peel love wearing?
Slippers.
172. What’s a computer’s favorite thing to snack on at night?
Computer chips.
173. What’s a really sad strawberry called?
A blueberry.
174. What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
I have so many problems.
175. What’s the strongest type of sea creature?
Mussels.
176. What was one of the first things the elf learned in class?
The elf-abet.
177. Why do writers constantly feel cold?
Because they’re surrounded by drafts.
178. What is a pizza’s favorite type of jokes?
Cheesy ones!
179. Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.
180. Why don’t lamps ever sink when they’re in water?
They are too light.
181. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!
182. What did the little boat say to the yacht?
Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
183. What’s a bee’s go-to haircut?
A buzzcut.
184. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
185. What’s the most expensive fish?
A goldfish.
186. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They’re LUMBARjacks!
187. Why did the puppy get great grades?
He was the teacher’s pet.
188. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweet-hearts!
189. What is a tree’s least favorite month of the year?
Sep-timber.
190. How do you get an astronaut to stop crying?
You rocket!
191. Why are ducks good at basketball?
They make all their fowl shots!
192. What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters?
Post office!
193. What breaks when you speak?
Silence!
194. Why did the doctor get mad?
He ran out of patients!
195. What notes do pirates love to sing?
The high Cs!
196. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Look away, I’m about to change!
197. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi
198. What’s a sleeping dinosaur called?
A dino-snore.
199. What would a bear say if he got confused?
I barely understand.
200. What kind of jobs do funny chickens have?
They are comedi-hens.
201. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it would be a piece of cake!
202. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin!
203. What letters are not found in the alphabet?
The ones that are not in the mail.
204. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
205. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
He gave her a ring.
206. Which superhero is a pro at hitting home runs?
Batman.
207. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
208. What do you call a monster who doesn’t have a neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
209. What’s a geologist’s favorite place to bring a date?
A rock concert.
210. What does the ghost call his true love?
My ghoul-friend.
211. What did Venus say while flirting with Saturn?
“Give me a ring sometime.”
212. What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
French flies and Diet Croak.
213. What is a hamburger’s favorite type of ball?
The meatball.
214. What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision?
A Do-you-think-he-sarus!
215. What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
216. What is the most famous type of animal in the sea?
A starfish.
217. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
218. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn’t stop horsing around!
219. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
220. What fruit do twins love the most?
Pears.
221. What’s the most famous fish?
A starfish!
222. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
A bagel!
223. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
224. What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom!
225. When a bird needs to invest her money, what does she do with it?
Puts it in the stork-market.
226. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A “B!”
227. What subject do birds always like?
Owl-gebra.
228. How do you learn to be a trash collector?
Just pick it up as you go along.
229. What is a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
230. Why did the melon jump into the lake?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
231. What’s black and white and red all over?
A newspaper with juice on it.
232. What starts with gas and has three letters?
A car.
233. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
234. What’s the smartest insect?
A spelling bee!
235. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
He had no guts.
236. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s faster than walking!
237. Why did the bird get in trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test!
238. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide?
239. How do you make an artichoke?
You strangle it.
240. What school subject is the fruitiest?
History because it is full of dates!
241. What vegetables are sailor’s enemies?
Leeks.
242. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
243. What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation!
244. When is an apple a grouch?
When it is a crab apple.
245. How does a barber drive to work?
He takes shortcuts!
246. Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano!
247. Why do ducks always pay with cash?
Because they always have bills!
248. Where do most horses live?
In neigh-borhoods!
249. Which planet loves to sing?
Nep-tune!
250. Why are basketball courts always wet?
Because the players dribble!
251. What kind of keys are sweet?
Cookies!
252. Why did the peanut get into a rocket?
He wanted to be an astro-nut!
253. How do bees brush their hair?
With honeycombs!
254. Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret?
He’s afraid you’ll spread it!
255. Who eats snails?
People who don’t like fast food!
256. Why did the banana visit the doctor?
He wasn’t peeling well!
257. Why did the computer get sick?
It caught a virus!
258. Why are elephants to wrinkly?
Have you ever tried to iron one?
259. What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom!
260. How do you help a baby astronaut fall asleep?
You rock-et!
261. What kind of pizza do dogs eat?
Pup-eroni pizza!
262. If cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws!
263. What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity!
264. What do you feed an alligator?
Anything it wants!
265. Why did the teacher have birdseed?
For her parrot-teacher conference!
266. What makes a sick lemon feel better?
Lemon-aid!
267. What do cats wear to bed?
Paw-jamas!
268. How does Spiderman do research?
On the World Wide Web!
269. What’s the largest gem on earth?
A baseball diamond!
270. What do you get if you dip a cat in chocolate?
A Kitty-Kat Bar!
Chocolate Chimp!
272. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see?
Because they have one eye!
273. What did the clock ask the watch?
Hour you doing?
274. Where do birds invest their money?
The stork-market!
275. What nut has the most money?
A cashew!
276. What kind of fish loves going to battle?
A swordfish!
277. What do you call a cow who plays the trumpet?
A moo-sician!
278. What’s a pirate’s favorite county?
Arrrrgh-entina!
279. Why can’t Dalmatians win at hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted!
280. What do newborn kittens wear?
Dia-purrs!
281. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!
282. Where do you go to school to learn how to greet people?
Hi school!
283. What’s in the recipe for gold soup?
Fourteen carrots!
284. Name Spiderman’s favorite month?
Web-ruary!
285. What does it sound like when a nut sneezes?
Ca-shew!
286. What’s an astronaut’s favorite time to eat?
Launch!
287. What’s the hardest part about learning to skydive?
The ground!
288. Where do smart burgers sit?
On honor rolls!
289. Which holiday do cows enjoy most?
Moo-Year’s Day!
290. Why did the piano teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes!
291. What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast?
Cheerios!
292. What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!
293. What kind of fishing bait do librarians use?
Book-worms!
294. Which state is the smartest?
Alabama because it has four As and one B!
295. Which country is the fastest?
Russia!
296. What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
Sum-mer!
297. What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
Flood-lights!
298. What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
299. What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
They both have collar id.
300. Why do you go to bed at night?
Because the bed won’t come to you!
So which joke for kids did you find to be the funniest? We can’t wait to help your little one laugh! Because nothing is better than laughing and laughing together as a family! So enjoy!
Contents
- 1 Have You Heard of These Pirate Jokes for Kids?
- 1.1 50. Why are math teachers secretly pirates?
- 1.2 49. What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?
- 1.3 48. Why did the pirate go to college?
- 1.4 47. Knock knock… Who’s there? … Garden… Garden who?
- 1.5 46. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
- 1.6 45. If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their crew wear?
- 1.7 44. What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
- 1.8 43. What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength?
- 1.9 42. Where are American pirates from?
- 1.10 41. What type of haircut does a pirate get?
- 1.11 40. Why did two pirates get into an argument?
- 1.12 39. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching his favorite show?
- 1.13 38. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
- 1.14 37. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
- 1.15 36. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?
- 1.16 35. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
- 1.17 34. What do pirates do for fun?
- 1.18 33. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
- 1.19 32. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?
- 1.20 31. Which gym did the pirate visit?
- 1.21 30. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
- 1.22 29. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
- 1.23 28. How do you make a pirate furious?
- 1.24 27. Where do pirates park their ships?
- 1.25 26. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
- 1.26 25. How do you save a drowning pirate?
- 1.27 24. Why is pirating so addictive?
- 1.28 23. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
- 1.29 22. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
- 1.30 21. Where do pirates go when they need to use the bathroom?
- 1.31 20. What kind of ship do pirates find it hard to maintain?
- 1.32 19. What grades did the pirates get in school?
- 1.33 18. What do you call a pirate that likes to skip school?
- 1.34 17. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
- 1.35 16. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
- 1.36 15. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
- 1.37 14. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
- 1.38 13. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
- 1.39 12. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
- 1.40 11. What is a pirate’s favorite juice to drink?
- 1.41 10. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
- 1.42 9. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
- 1.43 8. What soda do pirates’ always drink?
- 1.44 7. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
- 1.45 6. How do the pirates know that they are pirates?
- 1.46 5. What is a pirate’s favorite brand of cereal?
- 1.47 4. What was the parrot’s favorite game?
- 1.48 3. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
- 1.49 2. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
- 1.50 1. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
- 2 Which Are Your Favorite Pirate Jokes for Kids?
- 3 1. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
- 4 2. Why didn’t the duck pay for the lip balm?
- 5 3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
- 6 4. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school?
- 7 5. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
- 8 6. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
- 9 7. Why are fish so smart?
- 10 8. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
- 11 9. Where do cows go for entertainment?
- 12 10. How do you learn to be a trash collector?
- 13 11. What would a bear say if he got confused?
- 14 12. What did one toilet say to the other?
- 15 13. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
- 16 14. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
- 17 16. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
- 18 17. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
- 19 18. What do you call a dog magician?
- 20 19. Is your refrigerator running?
- 21 20. How much does a chimney cost?
- 22 21. What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
- 23 22. Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
- 24 23. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
- 25 24. Where do cows go on Friday nights?
- 26 25. Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
- 27 26. How does Darth Vader like his toast?
- 28 27. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
- 29 28. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
- 30 29. What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween?
- 31 30. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
- 32 31. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
- 33 32. When does a joke become a “dad joke?”
- 34 33. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
- 35 34. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
- 36 35. Why did the coach go to the bank?
- 37 36. How do celebrities stay cool?
- 38 37. What stays in a corner and travels all over the world?
- 39 38. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
- 40 39. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- 41 40. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
- 42 41. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
- 43 42. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
- 44 43. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
- 45 44. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
- 46 45. What do you call a toothless bear?
- 47 46. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
- 48 47. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
- 49 48. What music frightens balloons?
- 50 49. What do witches ask for at hotels?
- 51 50. Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
- 52 51. Why do bicycles fall over?
- 53 52. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
- 54 53. Why is six afraid of seven?
- 55 54. Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
- 56 55. What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
- 57 56. What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?
- 58 57. Why couldn’t the pony sing “Happy Birthday?”
- 59 58. Why was the equal sign so humble?
- 60 59. Why did the picture go to prison?
- 61 60. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
- 62 61. What do porcupines say when they kiss?
- 63 62. What do you give a sick bird?
- 64 63.What do cows read?
- 65 64. Why do vampires seem sick all the time?
- 66 65. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
- 67 66. Which hand is it better to write with?
- 68 67. Why did the robber jump in the shower?
- 69 68. What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
- 70 69. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company?
- 71 70. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
- 72 71. Why do tigers have stripes?
- 73 72. What kind of nut has no shell?
- 74 73. What do you give a sick lemon?
- 75 74. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
- 76 75. What do you call guys who love math?
- 77 76. Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window?
- 78 77. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
- 79 78. What did the volcano say to his wife?
- 80 79. When is a baseball player like a spider?
- 81 80. How do billboards talk?
- 82 81. How do trees get on the internet?
- 83 82. What did the police officer say to his belly button?
- 84 83. Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
- 85 84. What kind of key opens a banana?
- 86 85. What did Tennessee?
- 87 86. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
- 88 87. How do you stay warm in any room?
- 89 88. How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
- 90 89. How do you keep a bull from charging?
- 91 90. What did one wall say to the other wall?
- 92 91. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
- 93 92. When is it time to go to the dentist?
- 94 93. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
- 95 94. Why was the broom late for school?
- 96 95. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
- 97 96. What’s the best way to throw a birthday party on Mars?
- 98 97. What candy is always running late to things?
- 99 98. Why do all witches wear black?
- 100 99. What’s a pencil’s favorite place to visit?
- 101 100. What gets wetter the more that it dries?
- 102 101. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
- 103 102. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
- 104 103. What do you call a gorilla with bananas in its ears?
- 105 104. What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common?
- 106 105. How do you clean a chicken?
- 107 106. Why did the teacher put on sunglasses?
- 108 107. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
- 109 108. What did one eye say to the other eye?
- 110 109. What do you call a dog that can tell time?
- 111 110. How do they answer the phone at the paint shop?
- 112 111. What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
- 113 112. What’s faster hot or cold?
- 114 113. Why did the teddy bear not ask for dessert?
- 115 114. What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
- 116 115. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
- 117 116. Why are ghosts bad liars?
- 118 117. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
- 119 118. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
- 120 119. How do you make a tissue dance?
- 121 120. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
- 122 121. What does a vampire take for a sore throat?
- 123 122. What has four wheels and flies?
- 124 123. What did the science book say to the maths book?
- 125 124. What do bumblebees chew?
- 126 125. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
- 127 126. What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
- 128 127. What is a cat’s favorite color?
- 129 128. What song does a cat like best?
- 130 129. What do you call a fake noodle?
- 131 130. Why did the scarecrow get an award?
- 132 131. Why do ducks have tail feathers
- 133 132. Why did the guy name his dogs Timex and Rolex?
- 134 133. What kind of eggs do evil chickens lay?
- 135 134. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet…
- 136 135. I’m afraid for the Calendar…
- 137 136. What do lawyers wear when they go to court?
- 138 137. Why is Superman’s outfit always so tight on him?
- 139 138. What is cheese that doesn’t belong to you called?
- 140 139. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
- 141 140. Why did the coffee file a police report?
- 142 141. Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself?
- 143 142. Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
- 144 143. Two goldfish are in a tank, the one says to the other, do you know how to drive this thing?
- 145 144. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
- 146 145. I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
- 147 146. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
- 148 147. Why did the pony need a glass of water?
- 149 148. Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long?
- 150 149. Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible.
- 151 150. Inspecting mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
- 152 151. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
- 153 152. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
- 154 153. Which states have the most streets?
- 155 154. Why was the burglar so sensitives?
- 156 155. I was accused of being a plagiarist, their words not mine.
- 157 156. What kind of music do chiropractors like?
- 158 157. What’s an alligator in a vest called?
- 159 158. Why did the chocolate chip cookie go to see the doctor?
- 160 159. What did the Dalmatian say after she had a huge meal?
- 161 160. What type of shoes do frogs have too many pairs of?
- 162 161. Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano?
- 163 162. Dad, Can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like?
- 164 163. I knew there was a new store called moderation. They have everything there.
- 165 164. Why do so many fish live in saltwater?
- 166 165. What’s one way we know the ocean is friendly?
- 167 166. What kind of photos will you find on a turtle’s phone?
- 168 167. Where should you go if you want to learn how to make ice cream?
- 169 168. I don’t buy anything with velcro, it’s such a total rip-off!
- 170 169. I once had a dream I was a muffler, I woke up exhausted.
- 171 170. I made a pencil with two easers, it was pointless.
- 172 171. What kind of shoes does a banana peel love wearing?
- 173 172. What’s a computer’s favorite thing to snack on at night?
- 174 173. What’s a really sad strawberry called?
- 175 174. What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
- 176 175. What’s the strongest type of sea creature?
- 177 176. What was one of the first things the elf learned in class?
- 178 177. Why do writers constantly feel cold?
- 179 178. What is a pizza’s favorite type of jokes?
- 180 179. Which dinosaur knew the most words?
- 181 180. Why don’t lamps ever sink when they’re in water?
- 182 181. How do you make an octopus laugh?
- 183 182. What did the little boat say to the yacht?
- 184 183. What’s a bee’s go-to haircut?
- 185 184. Why did the tomato blush?
- 186 185. What’s the most expensive fish?
- 187 186. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
- 188 187. Why did the puppy get great grades?
- 189 188. What do you call two birds in love?
- 190 189. What is a tree’s least favorite month of the year?
- 191 190. How do you get an astronaut to stop crying?
- 192 191. Why are ducks good at basketball?
- 193 192. What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters?
- 194 193. What breaks when you speak?
- 195 194. Why did the doctor get mad?
- 196 195. What notes do pirates love to sing?
- 197 196. What did the traffic light say to the car?
- 198 197. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
- 199 198. What’s a sleeping dinosaur called?
- 200 199. What would a bear say if he got confused?
- 201 200. What kind of jobs do funny chickens have?
- 202 201. Why did the student eat his homework?
- 203 202. Why are skeletons so calm?
- 204 203. What letters are not found in the alphabet?
- 205 204. What did the paper say to the pencil?
- 206 205. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
- 207 206. Which superhero is a pro at hitting home runs?
- 208 207. What do you call a fly without wings?
- 209 208. What do you call a monster who doesn’t have a neck?
- 210 209. What’s a geologist’s favorite place to bring a date?
- 211 210. What does the ghost call his true love?
- 212 211. What did Venus say while flirting with Saturn?
- 213 212. What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
- 214 213. What is a hamburger’s favorite type of ball?
- 215 214. What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision?
- 216 215. What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
- 217 216. What is the most famous type of animal in the sea?
- 218 217. How does the moon cut his hair?
- 219 218. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
- 220 219. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
- 221 220. What fruit do twins love the most?
- 222 221. What’s the most famous fish?
- 223 222. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
- 224 223. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
- 225 224. What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
- 226 225. When a bird needs to invest her money, what does she do with it?
- 227 226. What do you call a bear with no ear?
- 228 227. What subject do birds always like?
- 229 228. How do you learn to be a trash collector?
- 230 229. What is a sleeping dinosaur?
- 231 230. Why did the melon jump into the lake?
- 232 231. What’s black and white and red all over?
- 233 232. What starts with gas and has three letters?
- 234 233. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
- 235 234. What’s the smartest insect?
- 236 235. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
- 237 236. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
- 238 237. Why did the bird get in trouble at school?
- 239 238. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
- 240 239. How do you make an artichoke?
- 241 240. What school subject is the fruitiest?
- 242 241. What vegetables are sailor’s enemies?
- 243 242. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
- 244 243. What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
- 245 244. When is an apple a grouch?
- 246 245. How does a barber drive to work?
- 247 246. Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
- 248 247. Why do ducks always pay with cash?
- 249 248. Where do most horses live?
- 250 249. Which planet loves to sing?
- 251 250. Why are basketball courts always wet?
- 252 251. What kind of keys are sweet?
- 253 252. Why did the peanut get into a rocket?
- 254 253. How do bees brush their hair?
- 255 254. Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret?
- 256 255. Who eats snails?
- 257 256. Why did the banana visit the doctor?
- 258 257. Why did the computer get sick?
- 259 258. Why are elephants to wrinkly?
- 260 259. What does a triceratops sit on?
- 261 260. How do you help a baby astronaut fall asleep?
- 262 261. What kind of pizza do dogs eat?
- 263 262. If cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
- 264 263. What do you call a famous turtle?
- 265 264. What do you feed an alligator?
- 266 265. Why did the teacher have birdseed?
- 267 266. What makes a sick lemon feel better?
- 268 267. What do cats wear to bed?
- 269 268. How does Spiderman do research?
- 270 269. What’s the largest gem on earth?
- 271 270. What do you get if you dip a cat in chocolate?
- 272 271. What cookie flavor do monkeys love?
- 273 272. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see?
- 274 273. What did the clock ask the watch?
- 275 274. Where do birds invest their money?
- 276 275. What nut has the most money?
- 277 276. What kind of fish loves going to battle?
- 278 277. What do you call a cow who plays the trumpet?
- 279 278. What’s a pirate’s favorite county?
- 280 279. Why can’t Dalmatians win at hide and seek?
- 281 280. What do newborn kittens wear?
- 282 281. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
- 283 282. Where do you go to school to learn how to greet people?
- 284 283. What’s in the recipe for gold soup?
- 285 284. Name Spiderman’s favorite month?
- 286 285. What does it sound like when a nut sneezes?
- 287 286. What’s an astronaut’s favorite time to eat?
- 288 287. What’s the hardest part about learning to skydive?
- 289 288. Where do smart burgers sit?
- 290 289. Which holiday do cows enjoy most?
- 291 290. Why did the piano teacher need a ladder?
- 292 291. What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast?
- 293 292. What goes up and never comes down?
- 294 293. What kind of fishing bait do librarians use?
- 295 294. Which state is the smartest?
- 296 295. Which country is the fastest?
- 297 296. What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
- 298 297. What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
- 299 298. What is the center of gravity?
- 300 299. What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
- 301 300. Why do you go to bed at night?
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.