If your little matey is one with the sea, then you’ll be sure to earn a giggle or too out of them with these hilarious pirate jokes for kids. They might be corny and they might make some adults roll their eyes, but the kids will get a kick out of them and that’s all that really matters, am I right?
Children benefit a lot from laughter – they don’t say laughter is the best medicine for nothing. It not only has a psychological benefit by reducing stress and anxiety, but it has developmental benefits and societal benefits – laughter is contagious and is often reciprocated by others.
And if laughter is what you’re going for, then why not sprinkle in some of the funniest pirate jokes for kids – it can change their mood instantly, especially if they’re into the whole pirate lifestyle. They might even memorize the joke and use it on their friends later, but only if the joke is good!
Pirate jokes for kids are versatile – they can be used in practically any situation and be deemed for success in the process. They might catch your audience off-guard, but those are often the best jokes. And if you can get your delivery right, then you might make the whole room laugh.
With that said, you’ll notice several themes associated with pirate jokes for kids. For example, a lot of the jokes below make use of the ‘ARGH!’ saying – which is a famous one among pirates. They also spend a lot of time out at sea, making it a common focus with pirate jokes for kids.
Other themes you’ll come across below include parrots, eye patches, walking the plank, wooden peg legs, and – of course – treasure hunting. These are all common stereotypes with pirates, which is why they’re such a good target for all the pirate jokes for kids we have for you!
50. Why are math teachers secretly pirates?
Answer: Because they’re always trying to find X!
My Reaction: Finding the solution to a math problem is the only treasure a teacher needs!
49. What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?
Answer: You are perfect just the way you ARRRRR!
My Reaction: Who knows, maybe some pirates have a sensitive side we don’t know about!
48. Why did the pirate go to college?
Answer: He wanted to become an ARRRRchitect!
My Reaction: When I was young, I wanted to be an architect, but things changed the second I got to college – which is okay!
My Reaction: Don’t lose sight of your treasure, guard it at all costs!
46. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
Answer: The second hand shop!
My Reaction: A second hand shop is one that sells used goods, but if you need a second hand – then why not take a look?
45. If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their crew wear?
Answer: An iPatch!
My Reaction: This is a clever and modern joke that your child will likely understand – it made me laugh!
44. What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
Answer: The swordfish!
My Reaction: Is a pirate without his sword even a pirate? I say no!
43. What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength?
Answer: His left hook!
My Reaction: Does your child like to box? It’s a great way to exercise and a good test of the mind.
42. Where are American pirates from?
Answer: ARRRRkansas!
My Reaction: It’s official, anyone from Arkansas is now a pirate – but the good kind!
41. What type of haircut does a pirate get?
Answer: A crew cut!
My Reaction: Pirates will do anything for their crew, so it makes sense!
40. Why did two pirates get into an argument?
Answer: Because they couldn’t see aye to aye!
My Reaction: This would be a good time to teach your child about how to deal with an argument and find solutions to problems.
39. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching his favorite show?
Answer: Because he was hooked!
My Reaction: What’s your child’s favorite television show? Which television shows do you enjoy watching with your child?
38. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
Answer: One has a rumbling tummy and the other a tumbling rummy.
My Reaction: If your tummy isn’t feeling too well, for whatever reason, maybe it’s time to lay down and rest!
37. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
Answer: I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
My Reaction: In other words – Aye, Aye, ARGH!, and the seven seas (Arctic, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, North Pacific, South Pacific, Indian, and Southern oceans).
36. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?
Answer: They enjoy ARRRRRt class!
My Reaction: I bet they like to draw pictures of their treasure in art class!
35. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Answer: A rookie!
My Reaction: If he hasn’t lost his eye or leg yet, is he even really a pirate?
34. What do pirates do for fun?
Answer: They love to pARRRRty!
My Reaction: Maybe it’s time to throw your child a pirate-themed party!
33. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
Answer: The plank!
My Reaction: I’d much rather do the plank than walk the plank, I know that for certain!
32. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?
Answer: Patches!
My Reaction: Other suitable names include Matey, Hook, Captain, Ahoy, and Gally.
31. Which gym did the pirate visit?
Answer: Gold’s Gym!
My Reaction: Gold’s Gym is a popular fitness chain that originated in Venice Beach in 1965. Unfortunately, pirates won’t find any gold or hidden treasure there!
30. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
Answer: Polly wants a ‘quacker.’
My Reaction: The true saying is ‘Polly wants a cracker,’ and was the original slogan for saltine crackers.
29. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
Answer: ARRRRRgentina!
My Reaction: Believe it or not, there has always been a growing concern of piracy in and around Argentina.
28. How do you make a pirate furious?
Answer: You take the ‘P’ away!
My Reaction: Without the ‘P,’ the word pirate turns into irate, which means angry or furious.
27. Where do pirates park their ships?
Answer: In the harrrrrrrbor!
My Reaction: That is, if they make it there in one piece!
26. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Answer: Termites.
My Reaction: Whether they find their way on the ship or on their leg, termites will destroy any wood in their path!
25. How do you save a drowning pirate?
Answer: With C-P-ARRRRR!
My Reaction: Does your child know what CPR is? If not, teach them the basics!
24. Why is pirating so addictive?
Answer: They say one you lose your first hand, you tend to get hooked.
My Reaction: Let’s hope no one loses any hands and no one has to get hooked!
23. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Answer: Because they spend years at “C”!
My Reaction: Three letters down, 23 more to go!
22. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
Answer: He bought it on sail!
My Reaction: The Jolly Roger is the flag flown on pirate ships to identify themselves, so nice use of the ‘sail’ and ‘sale’ pun.
21. Where do pirates go when they need to use the bathroom?
Answer: The poop deck!
My Reaction: If your child is like me, then they’ll laugh just hearing the word ‘poop.’
20. What kind of ship do pirates find it hard to maintain?
Answer: A relationship!
My Reaction: All they care about is themselves and their crew – and their treasure!
19. What grades did the pirates get in school?
Answer: High C’s!
My Reaction: The ‘high seas’ refer to any part of the ocean not controlled by a specific country.
18. What do you call a pirate that likes to skip school?
Answer: Captain Hooky!
My Reaction: Of course, we all know better than to play hooky, right?
17. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Answer: Right where you left him!
My Reaction: I mean, if he doesn’t have his wooden legs, how is he going to get anywhere?
16. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Answer: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
My Reaction: As long as everyone’s happy with their treasure, then we’re happy!
15. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved.
My Reaction: You can replace ‘pirate’ with any pronoun, but it’s only right that we use pirate because they love the ocean and sea.
14. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
Answer: Shiver me timbers!
My Reaction: In pirate lingo, ‘timber’ means wooden leg – get it now?
13. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
Answer: 8 pirates!
My Reaction: Get it, because pirates are missing an eye (eye patch), a leg (wooden peg), and an arm (hook).
12. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Answer: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!
My Reaction: At least they’ll be clean when found!
11. What is a pirate’s favorite juice to drink?
Answer: Hi-C!
My Reaction: Look at that, another ‘high seas’ pun – does your child like Hi-C?
10. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Answer: Aye to aye!
My Reaction: Clever use of the ‘eye to eye’ pun, but also ironic because pirates usually only have one eye.
9. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
Answer: Because the captain was standing on the deck!
My Reaction: Well, you should tell him to get off of it!
8. What soda do pirates’ always drink?
Answer: ARRR Sea Cola!
My Reaction: This one might be a bit of a stretch, but those that love RC Cola will get it immediately!
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Answer: The letter RRRRRRR!
My Reaction: You can also say the letter C, since they spend most of their day at sea!
6. How do the pirates know that they are pirates?
Answer: They think so, therefore they ARRRR!
My Reaction: You can be anything you want to be and do anything you put your mind to!
5. What is a pirate’s favorite brand of cereal?
Answer: Captain Crunch!
My Reaction: Captain Crunch is one of the most popular pirates – though he’s fictional. Did you know the character’s name is Jean LaFoote?
4. What was the parrot’s favorite game?
Answer: Hide and speak!
My Reaction: Just be careful what you say around a parrot because they might repeat it!
3. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Answer: Aye, matey years old!
My Reaction: If you didn’t get it the first time, ‘aye, matey’ sounds a lot like ‘I’m eighty’ when said quickly – clever, huh?
2. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
Answer: Because he left the phone off the hook!
My Reaction: A lot of kids today won’t understand this because all they know is cell phones, but it’s a good opportunity to teach them about old times.
1. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
Answer: An arm and a leg!
My Reaction: Only it’s not referring to money, but an actual arm and a leg!
Which Are Your Favorite Pirate Jokes for Kids?
It’s safe to say you now have an endless amount of pirate jokes for kids at your disposal – the question is which ones are you going to use and when are you going to start cranking them out? Just make sure you don’t tell them too often, or else your children might get a little annoyed.
Don’t worry, there are a ton of other ways you can have some pirate-related fun with your child. For example, you can read a book about pirates together, watch a kid-friendly pirate movie or TV show, go on a treasure hunt, or have arts and crafts time by making a custom eye patch.
Either way, your child deserves to have the time of their life and if that means living in their pirate fantasy, then that’s what parents are prepared to do – anything to make their little one smile. Don’t forget to let us know how you make out with the pirate jokes for kids, we hope they laugh!
If you liked these fun pirate jokes, we’ve got so many more to share with you! Take a look at our favorite jokes for kids. We’ve got hundreds of them so you’re in for a treat.
Nothing is better than hearing your little ones laugh. So we are here to help you find the perfect joke that is kid-friendly and also hilarious.
From Elsa and animals to science jokes and ones about cows, these jokes for kids are sure to be a crowd-pleaser! So what are you waiting for?
Discover 300 amazing jokes for kids! And don’t forget to share your favorite ones!
186. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They’re LUMBARjacks!
187. Why did the puppy get great grades?
He was the teacher’s pet.
188. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweet-hearts!
189. What is a tree’s least favorite month of the year?
Sep-timber.
190. How do you get an astronaut to stop crying?
You rocket!
191. Why are ducks good at basketball?
They make all their fowl shots!
192. What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters?
Post office!
193. What breaks when you speak?
Silence!
194. Why did the doctor get mad?
He ran out of patients!
195. What notes do pirates love to sing?
The high Cs!
196. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Look away, I’m about to change!
197. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi
198. What’s a sleeping dinosaur called?
A dino-snore.
199. What would a bear say if he got confused?
I barely understand.
200. What kind of jobs do funny chickens have?
They are comedi-hens.
201. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it would be a piece of cake!
202. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin!
203. What letters are not found in the alphabet?
The ones that are not in the mail.
204. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!
205. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
He gave her a ring.
206. Which superhero is a pro at hitting home runs?
Batman.
207. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
208. What do you call a monster who doesn’t have a neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
209. What’s a geologist’s favorite place to bring a date?
A rock concert.
210. What does the ghost call his true love?
My ghoul-friend.
211. What did Venus say while flirting with Saturn?
“Give me a ring sometime.”
212. What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
French flies and Diet Croak.
213. What is a hamburger’s favorite type of ball?
The meatball.
214. What do you call a dinosaur with bad vision?
A Do-you-think-he-sarus!
215. What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
216. What is the most famous type of animal in the sea?
A starfish.
217. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
218. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn’t stop horsing around!
219. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
Shutterstock
220. What fruit do twins love the most?
Pears.
221. What’s the most famous fish?
A starfish!
222. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
A bagel!
223. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
224. What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom!
225. When a bird needs to invest her money, what does she do with it?
Puts it in the stork-market.
226. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A “B!”
227. What subject do birds always like?
Owl-gebra.
228. How do you learn to be a trash collector?
Just pick it up as you go along.
229. What is a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
230. Why did the melon jump into the lake?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
231. What’s black and white and red all over?
A newspaper with juice on it.
232. What starts with gas and has three letters?
A car.
233. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
234. What’s the smartest insect?
A spelling bee!
235. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
He had no guts.
236. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s faster than walking!
237. Why did the bird get in trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test!
238. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide?
239. How do you make an artichoke?
You strangle it.
240. What school subject is the fruitiest?
History because it is full of dates!
241. What vegetables are sailor’s enemies?
Leeks.
242. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
Shutterstock
243. What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation!
244. When is an apple a grouch?
When it is a crab apple.
245. How does a barber drive to work?
He takes shortcuts!
246. Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano!
247. Why do ducks always pay with cash?
Because they always have bills!
248. Where do most horses live?
In neigh-borhoods!
249. Which planet loves to sing?
Nep-tune!
250. Why are basketball courts always wet?
Because the players dribble!
251. What kind of keys are sweet?
Cookies!
252. Why did the peanut get into a rocket?
He wanted to be an astro-nut!
253. How do bees brush their hair?
With honeycombs!
254. Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret?
He’s afraid you’ll spread it!
255. Who eats snails?
People who don’t like fast food!
256. Why did the banana visit the doctor?
He wasn’t peeling well!
257. Why did the computer get sick?
It caught a virus!
258. Why are elephants to wrinkly?
Have you ever tried to iron one?
259. What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom!
260. How do you help a baby astronaut fall asleep?
You rock-et!
261. What kind of pizza do dogs eat?
Pup-eroni pizza!
262. If cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
Their paws!
263. What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity!
264. What do you feed an alligator?
Anything it wants!
265. Why did the teacher have birdseed?
For her parrot-teacher conference!
266. What makes a sick lemon feel better?
Lemon-aid!
267. What do cats wear to bed?
Paw-jamas!
268. How does Spiderman do research?
On the World Wide Web!
269. What’s the largest gem on earth?
A baseball diamond!
270. What do you get if you dip a cat in chocolate?
A Kitty-Kat Bar!
271. What cookie flavor do monkeys love?
Chocolate Chimp!
272. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see?
Because they have one eye!
273. What did the clock ask the watch?
Hour you doing?
274. Where do birds invest their money?
The stork-market!
275. What nut has the most money?
A cashew!
276. What kind of fish loves going to battle?
A swordfish!
277. What do you call a cow who plays the trumpet?
A moo-sician!
278. What’s a pirate’s favorite county?
Arrrrgh-entina!
279. Why can’t Dalmatians win at hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted!
280. What do newborn kittens wear?
Dia-purrs!
281. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!
282. Where do you go to school to learn how to greet people?
Hi school!
283. What’s in the recipe for gold soup?
Fourteen carrots!
284. Name Spiderman’s favorite month?
Web-ruary!
285. What does it sound like when a nut sneezes?
Ca-shew!
286. What’s an astronaut’s favorite time to eat?
Launch!
287. What’s the hardest part about learning to skydive?
The ground!
288. Where do smart burgers sit?
On honor rolls!
289. Which holiday do cows enjoy most?
Moo-Year’s Day!
290. Why did the piano teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes!
291. What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast?
Cheerios!
292. What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!
293. What kind of fishing bait do librarians use?
Book-worms!
Shutterstock
294. Which state is the smartest?
Alabama because it has four As and one B!
295. Which country is the fastest?
Russia!
296. What’s a math teacher’s favorite season?
Sum-mer!
297. What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
Flood-lights!
298. What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
299. What do dogs and cell phones have in common?
They both have collar id.
300. Why do you go to bed at night?
Because the bed won’t come to you!
So which joke for kids did you find to be the funniest? We can’t wait to help your little one laugh! Because nothing is better than laughing and laughing together as a family! So enjoy!
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.
