Adele is speaking on her postpartum depression after giving birth to her son in a new interview.
“In my pregnancy and through becoming a mother, I lost a lot of myself, and I’ve struggled,” she said as she accepted the award for Album of the Year. “I still do struggle being a mom — it’s really hard. But tonight, winning this kinda feels full circle and like a bit of me has come back to myself.”
“There are definitely a few elements of myself that I don’t think I’ll ever get back,” Adele said. “More than anything, it’s the freedom of being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Going somewhere and not having to prioritize someone else. Whereas my number one priority with everything I do since I had Angelo, which is in life, in work, is obviously my son.”
She later added: “I don’t think I was ever completely selfless before I had Angelo. I still have that thing where every decision I make, I think of him first. And rightly so. Some parents don’t do that. I do.”
“Giving, giving, giving, to a baby or a toddler, when they can’t even f***** talk to you, your brain goes a bit mushy,” she said. “You’re not stimulated very much. In that, I also got really quite bad postpartum depression, or postnatal as we call it [in the UK].”
“I think it was just… Not the pressure, but what kind of parent do you wanna be?” Adele went on. “No one wants to be like their own parents, no matter how great parents they were or not. You learn how to be a parent on the go. Or you start reading books, and that’s not right either, because it’s someone else’s experience of it and they’re all completely different.”
“Having no time to even brush my teeth, let alone write a record or hang out with my friends,” she said. “My friends, my hobbies, the things I like doing without a baby, are things that make me who I am. And I didn’t really have access to that for a while.”
“It still makes me mourn myself a bit every now and then,” she continued. “Maybe I’m not mourning anymore, maybe I’m more yearning. A little bit like: ooh, what would I do and where would I go?”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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