One user is asking Reddit if they are the a****** for permitting their kids to be at their father’s funeral despite their in-laws wishes.
“My husband passed away suddenly at 37 years old (pre-pandemic). My children were 7 and 5 years old at the time and did not see him at the hospital as everything happened so quickly. I asked my kids if they wanted to go to their dad’s funeral. Both wanted to go,” the OP (Original Poster) began.
“My in-laws, especially my MIL, was adamant that the kids not go as the kids will be traumatized. They even tried to ask their friends and pastor to confirm that they were right. Nobody confirmed either way. During the private viewing, I had picked up my oldest child and walked him to where his dad laid.”
And that is when the situation escalated.
“My in-laws started sobbing and yelling while trying to hold on to my son making it hard for us to approach the coffin. After some wrangling, we were able to approach, and my son left a note for his dad and touched him out of curiosity. There was no such scene with my daughter. To this day, my in-laws still question my judgment. So far, the kids have not experienced any nightmares or fears other than the fear of me leaving them. Should I have not let them go?”
One user said: “Definitely. This actually strikes a hard cord for me. My great grandmother died when i was around 10 and even tho i wanted to go (i literally met this woman the week before she died!!!) my mother absolutely refused. I have NEVER forgiven her for that, especially since my first funeral was a lot more traumatic even tho i was a teen (it’s super hard to watch your big sis SOB inconsolably when she’s always been so strong in front of you).”
While another commented: “In my culture the family usually stays with the casket throughout the funeral (roughly 3 days; we take turns staying overnight). It isn’t open because of the weather but there’s always a glass pane you can see the deceased through.”
“When my grandma passed, we encouraged my younger cousins (all under 10) to ‘talk’ to her whenever they wanted to. They took it all in their stride. Kids can understand A LOT without being scared, as long as you explain it to them clearly. It’s how the adults react that usually sets the stage for their own reactions. For real, the in-laws in OP’s story were probably much more traumatising than the actual death.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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