One user is asking Reddit if he is the a****** for ditching his mother’s wedding because she is marrying the original poster’s uncle.
The OP sets the scene before diving in.
” I (25m) have never had a good relationship w/ my mother (43). That should already be enough of a reason to not even being brought up as a guest, but my mother (M) thinks otherwise. I’ve moved out when I was 17, right after my father died. My brother (24m now, 16 back then) agreed to move out with me. We’ve been living on our own for 8yrs now. I’m earning a good wage which is enough to support both me and my brother comfortably. My brother struggles a lot with his mental health but is slowly starting to get back on his feet. I’m mentioning that because M is 90% of the time, in any argument, using my brother’s instability to get what she wants.”
The OP then launches into the family dilemma.
“As mentioned in the title, M is planning to marry soon. Her brand new fiancé (V, 51m) is my father’s younger brother, with whom she hooked up not even a year after my father passed away. They got a kid two years after his passing and have been pretty much living secluded from 90% of our/their family. I haven’t even met my half-sister and she’s turning 5 soon. I will admit that I am bitter about that, which is why I might be the biased [a*****] in this.”
“Just a few days ago, M was trying to convince my brother to invest in a bigger present for V since his birthday was coming up. Usually, my brother does the gift stuff, asks me for approval in splitting our money and slaps my name on the tag; But knowing that there was going to be a marriage made me opt out completely. M was extremely upset about that because she knew that meant there won’t be an expensive gift and furthermore no big wedding gift either.”
“Since my brother wasn’t bowing down to M, she started breaking all hell loose around extended family. She complained to our aunt and uncle (dad’s older brother) to grandparents from our father’s side and so on.”
“M knows her way with words, so I wasn’t surprised that I’ve gotten some decent backlash from «ruining her wedding plans». I was told that M was trying to get the family back together …saying «you can’t be helped who you fall in love with» and that my childish behavior is causing a big conflict in the family. I ended up not responding, just telling my mother that I won’t be her guest and that I hope they rot.”
One commenter said: “That’s f****** ridiculous. Obviously, you aren’t obligated to go to family events. If a family member skipped my wedding or my birthday party or something for… I don’t know, because they were having a haircut, or ate the wrong breakfast cereal, or wanted to go watch a new Avengers film instead, I would rightfully consider myself as not important to them and them to be a******* in our specific relationships. ‘If you don’t want to’ isn’t a valid reason.”
While another commented: “Eh, I mean it’s not like it’s super uncommon for people to end up with a deceased spouse’s sibling. I can kinda see how the shared grief + similarities to your lost love might lead to a relationship. OP doesn’t have to support it, but it doesn’t seem fair to call OP’s mom and uncle [the a******]. Based on the timeline given, OP and his brother would have been 17 and 18 when mom and uncle hooked up, that’s old enough to have an opinion but they don’t get a vote.”
What do YOU think?
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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