One user is asking if they are the a****** after telling their pregnant sister to, well, “get over it.”
“A little background; I (27m) have 2 siblings, Halfsister Amy (30F) and sister Adrian (22F),” the OP (Original Poster) began.
“While growing up my parents were together. My dad was a welder and mom a history professor. Dad was never an absent father but he and I did not see eye to eye. I had some issues with porn and couldn’t get enough. Dunno why just was.”
The OP continued on, painting the picture of their family dynamic.
“By 13, I was sent to a few different behavioral facilities, then @ 15 I met Amy. She told me how she used to claim to [be suicidal] to get sent to a facility to get a break from her mom. Her mom refused to let my dad see her until she was 18, long story. So I followed what she did and got sent to residential treatment. By 17 I was ready to quit school as I wasn’t learning anything.”
“My dad over the years would always try to get me to help him with things or teach me things (skills i.e. welding, mechanical, etc.) but it didn’t interest me so I preferred to just play my games and walk. When I was 18 I finally quit school and got my GED. After that, my dad offered to hire me as a helper but I told him I didn’t want to work for him. So he made me look for a job. Fast forward a few months and I had a job and met a friend who offered to be my roommate for a new apartment And I moved out.”
“Fast forward til now. I have always been mad at my dad for not pushing me to spend time with him. He said he just wanted me to ‘learn skills or things to help me in life but when I showed no interest he said it was my choice but once I was an adult I would understand. Adrian has always been my sweet baby sister, but I have always resented her because she took to him like a daddy’s girl and always tried to be around him. She learned how to weld when she was in school and she spent a lot of time with him that I never did.”
“Last May dad passed away (non-COVID) and it’s been rough. Last weekend my mom had us over to have dinner, all 3. Mom knew, but Adrian informed us she was pregnant. First of the gran-kids. And we all talked for a few hours. Then at some point, she got upset because dad wouldn’t get to see the baby born and be a part of his/her life. To which I told her he wasn’t as great as her fantasy makes him out to be which led to a big argument.”
“Finally, I just told her he was gone and to get over it. She broke down and left. Amy called me an a****** and said I was jealous of sis. She said she never wanted to see me again until I grew up and told mom that she was sorry but she couldn’t come back if I was around. Mom said I needed to leave before she says something she regret. When I told my gf (25f) she said I was an idiot and she isn’t talking to me. So honestly AITA? Did I go to far?”
One user said: “YTA. Listen, whatever your personal feelings towards your dad (who, by all accounts, was a lovely fellow), you need to understand that he clearly means a lot to your family. You actively choosing not to spend time with him before his death, and then resenting him for not pushing you to do something you TOLD him you didn’t want to do, is in no way his fault. He tried to impart what he could unto you, you said no. He tried to get you a job when school wasn’t working, and you turned him down. He tried to spend time with you, and you moved out. And now your sister, who WANTED to spend time with him while he was alive, wishes he were present to see his grandchild and you attempt to destroy his memory…? Have I gotten that right? You’re the AH big time, dude.”
While another commented: “YTA. This is a VERY common thing to think about when you are pregnant. my gram died 3 years before my daughter was born and I still cried at the thought of her never meeting her. I am sorry you were not close to your dad but invalidating someone else’s grief is NEVER ok. Apologize now.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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