One user is asking Reddit if she is the a****** for making a comment about her own weight that offended a friend who had been struggling with her own.
“For context, I’m due to give birth in a few weeks and my tummy is quite obviously huge. I get stuck in between doors, bump into things, and can’t see my feet. So very, very classically pregnant,” the OP (original poster) begins.
“My friend, who I haven’t heard from in 7ish months, wrote to me today asking how I was feeling in the heat as it’s been extremely hot. I’ve struggled a lot, to be honest. I appreciated her reaching out, and was honest with her. I said that I ‘am feeling massive and uncomfortable,’ going on about how I can hardly do things that I used to do with ease. Everything really does hurt and I’m so swollen and large, so I didn’t sugar coat it. I can’t wait to meet my baby and get into that fourth trimester of parenthood!”
And while everything seemed fine…months ticked by and the OP still hadn’t heard from her friend.
“As I said, I haven’t seen or heard from her in months and I guess she took extreme offence to me saying that being larger than I was before, and that I’m struggling, was an attack on her own weight gain.”
“I guess it turns out that she’s gained close to 30lbs (similar to my pregnancy weight gain) due to change in lifestyle from covid, and I honestly had no idea that me saying how I was feeling would impact her. I had no idea about her weight gain to begin with and I was speaking on behalf of my own experience.”
And the friend doesn’t seem to want to connect anytime soon…
“She won’t reply to my messages because I’ve ‘become fatphopic’. The way she sees it is that I’m [idealizing] my prior body when I should be happy with what I have now? .. And by being uncomfortable [is me] telling her that her body isn’t okay?”
“I’m honestly not really impressed because I feel that she is in the wrong here. On the other hand, I guess I should have not gone off the rails complaining about the third trimester, but she truly seemed interested in how I was feeling. I wasn’t trying to make this about her insecurities, as I had no idea whatsoever!”
One user said: “Because of depression/other health issues + Covid lockdown, I’ve gained probably 35-45 pounds in the past couple of years. It sucks a lot. But under no circumstances would I hear a pregnant person say ‘I feel huge, gross, and sweaty’ and think ‘Oh my god, how insulting! They are calling me fat! They are suggesting that fat people are gross!’ It ain’t about you, sis.”
While another commented: “NTA. First of all, she asked. Your pregnancy is about you, not about her. Second of all, there is a difference between a person being overweight but feeling good in their skin, and a person carrying around another human inside their body and feeling uncomfortable from it! It’s not ‘fatphobic’ to say that at 36 weeks pregnant, your body doesn’t feel the way you’re used to!”
What do YOU think?
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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