A man recently flocked to Reddit to ask if he was in the wrong for informing his brother’s wife that she is responsible for the aforementioned brother’s help.
“My brother (30) is diabetic,” the OP (Original Poster) began.
“Has type 1 diabetes and got it from when he was young. As his older sibling I grew up watching my parents managing this condition for him, he has always been traumatized by this condition and never come to terms with it so what he used to and still does is act like his condition doesn’t exist.”
“The family (mom is now deceased) didn’t know how to [handle] it because if we let him act like that then there would major consequences so we took it upon ourselves to manage his condition for him. We’d watch his eating habits and correct them, watch his insulin intake, and encourage him to live healthy, the OP continued.
“When he brought his now-wife home, we told her how it is and that he can be reckless and ..in denial about his condition and so she needed to help and work with us and keep an eye on him. She did her best at first but started caving into his [complaints] about not being able to eat this or that or when he complains about his insulin intake and having to pay for it.”
“He got increasingly worse the past 3 months. We didn’t know exactly what was going on til his wife called to tell us he was in the hospital because of a hyperglycemic episode. His blood-sugar levels were too high he almost went into a diabetic coma. The reason for this was because he wasn’t taking the right dosage of indulin. I talked to his wife and had an argument with her, she said he deliberately kept stretching out his insulin dosage to be able to save insulin and not have to buy it.”
“I told her still she should’ve had kept an eye on him. It’s unfortunate that their insurance is screwed and [their] financial situation is rough but she should have stopped him and not stood there watching. She said I was being too hard on her but I told her that if he was doing this under the family’s watch we wouldn’t have allowed it and so she bears part of the blame for him staying in the hospital. She started crying and asked for a minute for herself. I went home because I couldn’t see him after waiting for long.”
“My dad called later asking about my conversation with [my[ sister-in-law. I refrained from talking about it but he said she called him and told him everything. He said I shouldn’t have said this to her and made her feel guilty. I said I was just disappointed she let [this] happen and expected her to be the responsible one if my brother wasn’t. He said I have to apologize but I’m unsure [whether] I was completely at fault here because I feel there’s a bit of neglect on her part,” the OP concluded.
One user replied: “YTA. My father and Uncle have both had type 1 since they were 5 years old. They are both now late 60s. Back then it was a death sentence. Docs told them they’d be lucky to see 30. Since children, they were able to manage their health with little to no issues. In my 40 years of life, I’ve seen my father go into diabetic shock once, and it was after a day of him pushing himself too hard in a home renovation….your brother is an adult. As such it is his responsibility alone to manage his health. His wife is there as a support, not as a nurse. Your parents failed him, and now he’s failing himself. You taking it out on her is unjustified.”
While another user replied: “Your SIL is in NO WAY at fault for a grown man being unwilling to handle his, very real, medical condition. It sounds like your entire family coddled him instead of teaching him to manage his own condition and you expected SIL to do the same. Then, when she didn’t, you attacked her. YTA – you owe your sister a major apology! Her husband is IN THE HOSPITAL and, instead of comforting her, you berate her and tell her it’s her fault for not babying a grown man. YTA and a mean one.”
What do you think of this situation?
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Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.