Alyssa Milano is recalling her experience with childbirth and how it triggered moments of her sexual assault.
The actress and Sorry Not Sorry author is set to be featured on this week’s episode of PEOPLE’s new podcast Me Becoming Mom. During the episode, Milano recalled giving birth to her son, Milo Thomas, now 10 and how it was a very triggering experience for her.
“I remembered at one point [during childbirth] really not enjoying the fact that lots of people had access to my vagina,” Milano, 48, shared with Zoë Ruderman.
“And thinking to myself, ‘Why does— I don’t like this. Why does it feel so familiar? I’ve never had a baby before. Why does this invasive feeling feel so familiar?’ That was just a fleeting moment, a tick in time, but I didn’t forget about it.”
Milano, who also shares 7-year-old daughter Elizabella Dylan with husband David Bugliari, says she had postpartum anxiety and depression, and through therapy, she was able to move through the experience.
“After going through therapy after giving birth to Milo and remembering that one moment of feeling like I was being held down and had things being done to me that I didn’t want, to me, was very reminiscent of being sexually assaulted,” she says.
“It triggered all of these memories that I thought I had dealt with. I think anyone who has dealt with trauma has the moments where you’re like, ‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve dealt with that.’ Versus the moments where you go, ‘Oh, no I didn’t. I just tried to tuck it away so no one could see them or I couldn’t see them or feel them anymore.’ “
“That’s what it felt like for me,” she adds. “I gotta think that because it felt that way for me, it must’ve felt that way for other women. I wonder how much of my postpartum anxiety was due to — of course, hormones and all of the things — but also that feeling that felt like I wasn’t in control, you know?”
Previously, Milano shared on Twitter how she was assaulted when she was a teen.
“I was sexually assaulted twice. Once when I was a teenager. I never filed a police report and it took me 30 years to tell my parents.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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