One dad is in hot water after posting to Reddit’s infamous AITA (Am I The Asshole) for demanding his wife to stop babying their 13-year-old daughter, Ava.
“My wife and I have a daughter, Ava (13). My wife is a great mom and takes good care of Ava but lately I feel like she’s spoiling Ava and not letting her be as independent as she should be.”
“Some examples of this are: Ava struggles in school so my wife emails all of Ava’s teachers to ask for modified assignments (she has an IEP, which I feel is unneeded but that’s a different story) and sits down with her every day after school to do homework with her or do projects or study for tests. I don’t think Ava’s done a single assignment alone this year.”
The dad goes on to say how in addition to her needing assistance, he gets annoyed when she doesn’t dress appropriately for the day.
“Then today Ava assumed the weather would be like yesterday (50 degrees and windy) so she dressed for that weather without checking the weather app on her phone or tablet. Today was 80 degrees and sunny so my wife ended up sending cold water bottles to Ava’s classes and made her spend recess and lunch inside (my wife is a teacher at that school so that’s how she was able to do that) so she ‘wouldn’t get heat stroke.’ It was only 80 degrees and the lunch tables are all in the shade so Ava would’ve been fine outside. “
Even an hour ago Ava came to us and said that her head hurt and she was nauseous so my wife is in Ava’s room rubbing her back to ‘comfort her’. Over a damn headache.”
The OP goes on to stick to his guns and call out his wife — which left her upset and him asking reddit if he was in the wrong.
“In my opinion, Ava needs to learn how to function on her own so I told my wife to stop babying Ava and to let her take care of herself. She can study for a test by herself or take a tylenol and go to bed without mommy being there to hold her hand and rub her back and to stop trying to get Ava out of situations like today. She can deal with being a little hot for a couple hours and learn to check the weather app in the mornings.”
One user said:
“I already found it suspicious he wasn’t mentioning the daughter’s diagnosis in the post, but then I saw it in comments. Just from reading it, I got an ADHD vibe from it. And that’s not even taking into account the physical illnesses.
Knowing this, I feel OP is already YTA for saying he doesn’t think she needs the IEP – having reasonable accommodations at school is SO important and you don’t just get them for nothing. A lot of the other things he mentions (i.e. benefitting from someone doing homework with you, forgetting to dress weather-appropriately,…) are classic ADHD behaviors. For me (diagnosed as an adult) 13-14 was the WORST age because as you go into your teens you have AND hormones AND shifting expectations from home and school. Only I just didn’t know what was happening, just that I was failing. (This gives you the anxiety, btw). What worries me is that OP is in utter denial about having a child who needs accommodations. As she ages he doubles down on the “needs to be more self-reliant” and unless he manages to check his ego, this will only get worse as the girl grows older.”
While another commented:
“YTA. You mention that your daughter struggles in school and has an IEP, which you don’t think is needed. However, your wife who is a teacher and your daughter’s teachers deemed one necessary. I don’t see anything wrong with a parent sitting down with their child and offering assistance with homework, it’s the behavior of an engaged parent. Specifically. the parent of a child who may have a learning disability. I have friends, some of whom are school teachers and this is not uncommon. Also, I don’t consider offering comfort when your child has a headache and is nauseous to be spoiling a child. You seem to have a much more hands-off approach to parenting, but I don’t think that your wife is really doing anything wrong. You come off as impatient and uncaring. Your daughter has ADHD, anxiety, two autoimmune diseases and a history of dizzy spells and fainting. Ava has special needs and you seem to have issues with her issues being accommodated. Your wife is supporting and advocating for your daughter and you’re annoyed by it.”
What do YOU think? Be sure to comment below.
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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