One woman is asking Reddit if she is in the wrong for taking her child to a follow-up doctor’s appointment instead of a family member’s funeral.
“My husband’s cousin died last Thursday and they have the funeral scheduled for Wednesday this week. Our son was very ill last Friday and was gasping for air. He’s only 6 months old so I took him to the ER.”
“They told me he had croup and to keep an eye on him and to make an appointment for this week because a baby his age can get serious complications from this. I called his doctor who is exceptionally busy this week and only had one appointment for Wednesday at noon. Which is right when the funeral is.”
So the woman told her husband but he was not happy as he was extremely close to his cousin.
“I told my husband that I would go to the wake but unfortunately I have to take our son to the doctor because he could get to feeling worse. He’s very upset with me and said I could reschedule the doctor appointment until next week (which I don’t feel comfortable doing) he thinks I’m an AH for not going and saying I just don’t want to go and he needs me for comfort.”
“Husband is having an extremely hard time with this. They grew up together as he was an only child and was always with his cousin. They were more like brothers and he’s really struggling with his sudden death. He had a heart attack at 42. Emotionally he’s a mess.”
The woman also mentioned how much he loves his son, despite him prioritizing the funeral over his child’s health.
“He loves our son though as he stayed at the ER with us and didn’t leave his side. He just wanted me to change the appointment to a time not during the funeral not that he didn’t care about our little boy’s well-being. I’m working on getting an appointment on Thursday now as they called and said they could squeeze him in for an 8 am visit which I am fine with. I never intended to take baby with me to the funeral or wake as he would probably cry during service and had planned on him staying with my brother for a few hours.”
One user said: “NTA at all…what would the family like, another funeral? You have a baby who is ill, in the midst of a pandemic. You literally cannot take any chances. You always take the earliest available appointment, that’s just common sense. Understandably the husband is grieving but he also has a family to care for. Living take priority over already deceased.”
While another commented: “NTA your living son’s health takes priority over an already deceased relative’s funeral. I’m a single dad. My son is my world. If there was a threat of my son potentially dying, the death of a family member wouldn’t even register in the midst of that crisis. OP’s husband feeling more grief at his cousin’s passing than fear for his son’s life is very strange to me, and I don’t have much sympathy for someone who is selfish enough to ignore danger to their child in favor of their own comfort. NTA. Obligatory reminder that, per the FAQ, a judgment of NTA doesn’t mean the other person is being socially called an asshole. It means they’re responsible for the interpersonal conflict (and the OP isn’t). I don’t think OP’s husband is an asshole, I think he’s hurting and not thinking clearly and causing a conflict that shouldn’t exist (i.e. he’s the asshole in this specific situation) because of it. I’ve lost people, people who were close, and quite suddenly. I’m not devoid of empathy for OP’s husband, I’m criticizing how poorly he’s handling his grief and (quite rightly) pointing out that his poor coping mechanisms are directly causing the conflict between him and OP and negatively impacting his family.”
What do YOU think? Be sure to comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.