A family member asked me to be their surrogate: Advice?

I was asked by a family member, if I would consider being a surrogate for her and her husband as she is unable to carry their baby. I have children of my own and have had a miscarriage in-between my middle and youngest. My husband and I are leaning towards telling them no since I just recently had our youngest, and it wasn’t the easiest pregnancy, but also we still would like to try for another child in a few years. My question is, has anyone been approached by a friend or family member and ended up going through with it, and if so, what was your experience?

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I would not do it if you are second guessing it. This should only be done if you are truly sure

I think most surrogacy places tell you to wait until you’re done having your own kids to surrogate for someone else. If there are complications that could potentially prevent you from finishing your family

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That is a HUGE commitment. If you aren’t 100% in it I would say no.

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Call me selfish but I definitely wouldn’t want to carry a child and have that motherly bond with it, and then will know it it’s entire life and never get to be it’s mother. Idk I would just feel weird about carrying a baby that’s going to be so close and related in my life. But everyone’s different! Make the choice that’s best for you and your family.

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I dont think they expect you to make this decision overnight. Take some time to really think about it on all levels. Keep a dialogue with them open about what you’re thinking/feeling while making your decision. Even if it’s not what they want to hear. If you do decide to go through with it then you need to be able to talk openly to them. It’s a huge decision. If you end up saying no that’s okay too. The gift of life is literally the ultimate gift you can give. Do what you feel in your heart is right.

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I think it’s an amazing honour they have asked you to carry their baby. I was pretty much going to wrote what Faith has written and couldn’t have said it better myself :heartpulse:

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Read, read, read everything you can. The good. the bad. There is amazing aspects of surrogacy but so much bad too. There is also “adoption” like trauma associated with the child. I am in alot of adoptee groups and I read about it ALOT. Just make sure it’s 1000% the right choice.

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Kristi Bush you could talk to her or leave advice

I carried for my cousin. I’m 50/50 on the subject. My advice would be to really weigh the pros/cons and do NOT feel obligated or guilty if you chose not too. It’s a huge decision.

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If you want another child it will break your heart to carry a child and have to give it to someone else.

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I was asked by a friend. But my egg would of had to been used. As I discussed it with my husband I came to the realization that would be my kid. And I couldn’t do it. There wouldnt be anyway I could just give birth to a part of me and give them up. The decision didnt come lightly. They were good friends and beautiful people. But my answer was no.

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Why not offer your eggs?

I definitely would, but I loved being pregnant.

You have to think about what works for you, your family, and all. If it’s not good on your body or family, say no. It’s a long 10 months.

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Personally I’d tell them that you don’t feel confident in your body physically or mentally being able to carry a baby right now. If it’s a possibility in the future after you have more (I’d leave that part out ) then tell them. “If I am ever ready and feel confident mentally and physically I will absolutely let you know - I just can’t any time soon. I have suffered a miscarriage and there’s some things I’d like to sort out before I think about being a surrogate. I’m super honoured you asked me - I know it couldn’t have been easy. Letting you know that I can’t right now is painful for me. We love you deeply and really hope I was in the position to help. I just can’t”

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Don’t do it. Send them to an adoption agency.

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I considered doing this for my cousin and his wife when they were trying to afford one. If I had a crystal ball that would tell me in the end everyone would end up happy and healthy I would do it in a heartbeat for them, and others too. But I KNOW I have to have C-sections, and that is a big deal out of the gate. I am a single Mom with 2 kids of my own, and I can’t risk something happening to me. Even if I were married I wouldn’t want to risk something happening and my own kids not having me.

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I wouldn’t do it unless I was done having my own children

Don’t do any thing that endangers you and a child’s life.

I was approached. I was very young at the time and hadn’t even started having kids myself yet. I said no immediately. I’ve now had one of my own and I don’t like being pregnant. Like obviously I would do it again to have another child but I not willing to do it for someone else. (I was hospitalized and on bed rest my entire pregnancy). I think the women who do it are outstanding but I am not one of those women.

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