Am I a bad wife for not liking my husbands sister?

I need advice. Am I a bad wife cause I don’t like my husband’s sister? He was in the Military, so we stay about 20 hours from his family. I’ve only been around his sister three times. Before I met her, she would talk to me on Facebook a lot, then I met her, and she didn’t say one word to me at all. My husband wanted to take her kids to school one morning, and she has to be there, which was fine. It was only me, my husband, her, and her daughter, and his truck is a five-seater. Well, she has me stay at her house alone while they took her daughter to school. I’m not a house sitter, and I felt very unwelcome. My husband and I went back home a few weeks later we found out I was pregnant and then I lost the baby. Two months later, my husband and I got married, and she was so upset about it and told him he shouldn’t do it since I lost the baby. I was upset. Felt like she was saying since I couldn’t carry my baby to term, I wouldn’t be able to be a good wife. I let it slide. Fast forward a few months this, and I get pregnant again. I lost that baby as well, and she told my husband I shouldn’t even tell anyone when I get pregnant cause it doesn’t last. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter if my pregnancy lasts or not. That was MY baby. My babies matter to me, and I refuse to let someone make me feel bad that I was pregnant. We’re visiting his family now, and we met up with his sister and her kids at the park. Again she ignored me and acted like I wasn’t there. Well, tomorrow he wants to go to her house and see her for a little while, so I told him to go ahead, but I’m not going. He kind of got upset and says he’s not going to go now cause I’m not going. I kind of feel bad cause I know he hardly ever gets to see his family, but at the same time, I’m not going to go somewhere and feel uncomfortable or disrespected. To add both times, she told him that stuff he hasn’t said anything to her about being disrespectful. I feel like my feelings don’t really matter, and if I don’t go, he’ll make me feel guilty about it.

46 Likes

His sister is very disrespectful also callous.anytime you lose a baby that was going to be welcomed it is heartbreaking. She should have been more sensitive of you feelings . you have a right to feel the way you do . hubby needs to talk to sissy and set her straight

What your husband is NOT doing is concerning. How is it that he does not defend his wife? He should be grateful that you are being the bigger person and bowing out but giving him the opportunity for him to spend time with his sister. If he can’t do that then you guys need to have a different conversation.

He should be putting his foot down when it comes to the way his sister treats you. You are one, and are a reflection of each other. She don’t respect you means she don’t respect him. Have a conversation with him and let him know how you feel.

8 Likes

No don’t feel bad about not getting along with his sister! I don’t get along with my husbands sister, she think she’s the head of everything! My husband is now deceased & yes they straightened out their differences but her & I have not! Your marriage is between you & your husband nothing to do with her!

3 Likes

Let him know how you feel and how his sister treats you that last few times.
Now that he is aware he can look for this treatment she does and since he witnesses it ask him to speak up and defend you.
After that he can understand why you don’t want to go anymore

Maybe she’s just protective of her brother. Show kindness. Go with him to his sister’s (I’m sure he wants to see his niece/nephew) and strike up convo with the SIL. Maybe there’s some misunderstanding. Maybe hubby can hang with kids while y’all grab a cup of coffee somewhere. Make an effort then you’ll have no regrets in the end if she still turns a cold shoulder.

5 Likes

You didn’t marry the family! I don’t care what anyone says… if they make you feel disrespected then by no means do you owe them any of your time. Especially since she has proven your presence doesn’t mean anything to her. I don’t play that mess! I don’t need them anymore than they need me and you can love and adore your husband without his sister being in your life

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Do you have it in you to try to be the better person? Ask her what has happened between the two of you & except her response. If you can’t or her response is not acceptable to you explain your feelings to your husband and tell him you are not going. Then if it where my husband I would add you are more than welcome to go yourself and I hope you enjoy your time with your family but I am not going and if you choose to stay home it’s not on me. Good luck.

3 Likes

First off I’m so sorry you lost your babies !!! I lost my 3 week old to SIDS …however no matter the stage losing a child is never easy…that being said your husband needs to put his foot down with his sister…there is no reason for her to disrespect you like that…my father told me that it was my fault my daughter died because of how bad of a person I am ( fyi he’s a meth addict) but just that I haven’t seen or talked to him or my mother for allowing him to say that to me…I’ll be praying for u …

3 Likes

That’s not good. My husband aint bout to sit back and let anyone disrespect me

If you havent said anything to him about saying something to her, then you should. He needs to give you your place. I do not like my sister in law either, but I’ve had to put her where she belongs myself until he realized that she would try to cause problems. It may take a while they will think the sister is right or not doing it at first.

Seems like you’ve extended the olive branch numerous times. I wouldn’t beg anyone to be my friend, not even my mans sister. Hopefully he understands, and takes your side. You should now be the number one woman in his life, not his sister anymore. I just recently lost my baby too and we had already told everyone. We found out a couple days before thanksgiving and it was so painful. I’m so sorry for your loss and it’s not your fault for the miscarriage. If you need someone to talk to, DM me and we can chat! Keep your head up, seems like you’re a strong chick!

7 Likes

You’re married. You are his priority. You’re business is just that- between he and you. Is there any way to simply ask her if there is something specific that you’ve done to upset her? I mean, what could it hurt? Maybe clear the air… put that ball in her court. If she’s gonna be mean, let her. Not really knowing what is going on for real is stressful.

2 Likes

I get the same treatment!! He was married before and they blame me for them not getting back together! He would let them talk about me ans never said a word until I threatened to take the kids and leave. I got really sick of it. She even went as low as to invite his ex to a family reunion! He refused to go. Who does that?? Good luck. I do know you have to speak up to him and her!

My husband has a half sister and when I met him she had not talked to him in years than his father passed and we had to contact her because she was in the will. She then came to thanksgiving Christmas and visited a couple times over the next year. As soon as she got her inheritance we have not had a visit since. She did contact him and asked for money once after she got a very nice inheritance so I said okay cause she said she would pay it back. Well she didn’t pay it back so I told him no more. Now he says hi here and there on Facebook and she will respond but she never reaches out or makes an effort to see him and that really pisses me off and I let him know it. I took it as she only wanted to have a relationship with him when she knew she would be getting money. So yes voice your opinion on the situation. It is his sister so I don’t tell him not to talk to her but I will not have anything to do with her.

1 Like

Don’t feel bad I’m in the same boat I have a sister in law that hates me for a reason I don’t know why. I don’t go around my husband’s family I stay away from them way too much trouble for me. Finally after 13 years I stood up for myself after I found out that she was going around telling people that I’m sickly and that I’m dying. I went off on her said some pretty bad things and have never looked back. His family is not welcomed in our home and his dad is just like his sister.

Sorry you lost your babies. His sister is trash. Please tell him to go visit his sister’s. You do not like her she don’t like you!! So why force it!!! Tell him you love him. And go on somewhere

1 Like

You gave it many chances. You have every right not to go around. I’ve seen a quote multiple times that really always stands out to me “Yes the family they came from is important, but the one you’re building should be your top priority” don’t beat yourself up, you don’t have to go around if you aren’t comfortable :heart::heart:

1 Like

So sorry for your losses. You need to get up in her face and ask her,“did I do or say something to offend you?” Get it out there. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding or miscommunication but get it out there.

3 Likes