I am in a relationship for almost 5 yrs. My boyfriend owns a restaurant, and I work there as a cashier and bartender. For the past years, he promised to pay me, which he did only for the first year. So this year, I asked him to pay me at least $350 a week because I am not seeing myself going up. He told me that I only think of myself. Here and there, he would give me like $100 - $200 a week, and he considers that my pay. At times I would ask him if he wouldn’t give a little extra. His response is “when you start paying bills in this house I can give you”. He doesn’t take into consideration that I am the one that basically buys all groceries, and whenever he wants something, he would tell me to buy it with my money and that he would repay me, which he doesn’t. Also am the one who takes care of my baby’s diaper, clothing, and formula; he would only buy once in a while. Yes, we go on vacation, but we always end up using my little savings and leave my account empty. Then he would give his other kids shopping spree and not mine (his kid too)I don’t know if he does that to me intentionally because I don’t have my family’s support, so if I ever decide to leave I don’t have money and nowhere to go. I already told him a couple of times that I am leaving. I don’t know what to do; he just told me I need to start paying bills. I am really lost and need some advice. Thanks for hearing me out.
Uh… my advice would be to leave the relationship, his using you, and making you work for nothing so he doesn’t have to pay you and it’s free labour for him.
He has too much control in the relationship. I’d find another job
The first problem is that you’ve been with him 5 years too many
You don’t HAVE to work for him… do you?
Sounds like a narcissist to me.
No. That’s a controlling asshole and that is NOT legal!
Find a better full time job and look after you and your child and go from there
He’s taking advantage of you! Wow if I were you I’d definitely be getting my own job fuck that
Go get a job that doesn’t allow the owner to pay you wages when or if he feels like it.
I wouldn’t even bother asking him. Leave the restaurant go get a job and let him deal with his business
See how he feels when you have a steady stream of income that isn’t dependent on him.
You’re his indentured servant. Get legal advice for your child and leave. Sorry to sound blunt but you are in a poverty trap with a heartless bastard holding all the cards. Plan your exit. Open a different account which he doesn’t know. Put your tips and other money in that a/c. Apply for another job using a p.o. box get another place to live then apply for a child support order
Girl…step back and listen to this story!!! If your best friend was telling you this story you would be shaking you head and saying…“What the hell have you been thinking???” Get out of there…then get out of the relationship. He can dispose of you at any time…then where will you be??? Then talk to an attorney…you might have grounds for a lawsuit.
I would call that narcissistic financial abuse. I would find another job and another man.
If this person is looking for some help or guidance. My suggestion would be to possibly: go find another independent job, (I do know this is easier said then done with the job market and a baby), save up and if you want to leave, you can. There also plenty of charitable organisations that can help, you leave such as woman’s aid. It’s sounds like financial abuse,(I obviously don’t know as this is a tiny snippet of someone’s situation), which can be a form of control in relationship, please have a read, a think about it. Evaluate how happy you are in your current situation and decide how you feel about the situation. Whatever you decide please get some support and decide what best for you and your family.
Boyfriend or not you work so you should get paid. But I’d find another job tbh
Leave hes too controlling
Find a new job…and boyfriend!
Find yourself a job. Then I would let him know how much it costs to raise a child. If he refuses to give you money for your child I would take him to court for child support. It will be a hard lesson on his part.