Am I obligated to care for my father in law even though he is rude to me?

How to deal with in-laws? Father-in-law have been living with us almost 8 years, and all those years I have endured his cigarette inside the house, checking and counting the food, watching my childrens what they’re eating or doing, when he gets angry he starts insulting and smoking inside the house, ( he has already been told that not to smoke inside but still the same ) and about 4 years ago he made a dinner and I was cooking another for myself because I didn’t liked the food he do ( was liver, I don’t like livers ) and my father in-law insulted me calling me rude names, I was so mad but I told my husband to talk with him :man_facepalming:t2: He lives with us because since my mother in-law passed away my husband takes him with us so that he’s dad wouldn’t be alone because he is already very old and my husband’s fear is that something happens to him while he is alone… I have suffered a lot of anger, crying, impotence for not be able to do or saying something to him cause how old he is… my husband works a lot and when he has free time he takes to my children and me to somewhere to de-stress us of how my father-in-law is, I have never seen a kiss or a hug from my father-in-law towards my children, always bad faces… well, my question is… My father-in-law is going to have surgery on his intestines, and I know he will need care and help ( I’ve been helping him before when he sick, and I cleaned his restroom and his room carpet cause he was not able to poo on time ) So is it my obligation to help him and take care of him after how he was with me and my children??? Trust me, that I am angry with him for everything I have endured and I have never disrespected him, and I never insulted him… My father-in-law has another daughter, four grandchildren all married, and they are living in the same city, but nobody visits him only two times a year, thanksgiving and Christmas Day, only… I told my husband to call his family to take care of him, but nobody wants, because “too busy working.

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Im sorry but he would be going to assisted living i would not help someone who treats me and my babies like dirt there is a reason his other kids dont want him to stay with them sorry but he has to go

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See if you can hire a nurse through his insurance or ask is family where he needs to stay while recovering as he probably won’t allow you to be his caretaker.
You do enough, let them figure it out.

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You need to back away, and care for your husband and children but dont ask request that family help do the physical care .

Find a facility that cares for the elderly and stick him in it. Request you be called if his health starts to decline or seems like he’s knocking on deaths door.
They can care for him properly, especially after his surgery, they can give him attention and he can live amongst others his age. He won’t be alone and wont die alone.
You guys can then go visit him whenever, and you can have your home back.

Bring it up to your husband. Tell him how stressed you are, and that smoking is horrible for your children.

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Fuck that old piece of shit!!! Put your foot down and stand up for yourself…he needs to be a grown up and find care gor himself instead of assuming your gonna do it…hell no i wouldnt even talk to him if he treated me and my kids like that…make your voice heard!!!

His insurance should pay for a visiting nurse and overnight nurse to help with his care.

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You are not obligated. If your husband really wants to take care of him tell him then it’s all him and you won’t be helping. I would have told my husband long ago that he either changes the way he behaves or he can live alone or in an assisted living facility.

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It’s like this, my home is my safe haven. It’s the one place that I know I can come to and find peace no matter what’s going on in my life. NOBODY will come in my home and be disrespectful to me and mine. NOBODY!!! If you’re causing chaos in my home, you’ve gotta go, I don’t care who gets angry with me. If my husband has an issue with it, he can go too. :woman_shrugging: Not even sorry! If I can’t even go home and have peace there is something very wrong with that situation and I don’t have to feel bad for handling it accordingly.

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He needs to go to a nursing home as you have enough on your plate. You need to sit down and talk to your husband about that. He won’t be alone there!

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From a nursing standpoint if he stays 3 midnight’s in a hopsital he should be able to get atelast a 20 day hospital stay from Medicare…

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Send him to Assisted living. why should you give up your life for this ungrateful monster. I’m so angry at this!

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It’s not your responsibility. It shouldn’t be falling on you especially with how he treats you and smokes in your house with being told to stop. Find assisted living because even if you bring in a nurse to help, he is still going to have the same attitude and smoke in the house. Tell your husband you are done and don’t back down. Don’t let him guilt you into continuing on a miserable path.

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Your husbands family can hire a caretaker . Not your problem. And he would NEVER smoke in my house but once … heaven help him if he did it again .

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Your husband should have him put in a nursing home,he shouldn’t depend on you to take care of him

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Reality is, you’re not obligated to take care of anyone that’s not your kids

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You could always ask that he stay in a rehabilitation center until he has recovered.

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My father-in-law didn’t live with us, I had everything you mentioned, insults thrown but not the swearing to my face. When he was diagnosed with lung cancer, I tried to help. He was terminal for 2yrs and only 3 months before he died did his tune change towards me. I’m not saying that it is ok for him to mistreat you but just be patient.
Now in saying that, what has happened since he died and would I do the same for my mother-in-law… NO.
I am just glad and thank God our home renovations weren’t finished when he passed away, because I honestly contemplated taking her in because her children told us we had to take her in, clearly they didn’t want her and because we were told we had to take her as we were the youngest.
God is watching, I can honestly say my conscience is clear and because of that I feel I have a tower of strength.

So sorry you have to do this. I had something similar with a mother in law. She is now in assisted living. Your life , it counts, and you deserve to live it.

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Your father in law is abusive, and your husband is allowing it. And this behavior WILL affect your children. He’s got to go to a home that can give him the care he needs. You’re supposed to be enjoying raising your babies and you should feel loved in your own home. He has destroyed your quality of life. Shame on your husband for pushing you into this unfair predicament. :heart:

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