Am I wrong for not giving my ex our daughters social?

I divorced my husband last year, but I have primary custody of our daughter. My ex has weekend visitation. I handle all the insurance, health appointments, and schooling. Because he was struggling, I decided not to file for any support to let him get on his feet because, at the time, I was doing pretty well for myself. It has been hard because her health insurance alone runs around $200 a month, along with her day to day and childcare expenses. Luckily I have been able to work from home, so I haven’t had to pay for childcare since March 2020, but I have been working reduced hours. I am expecting another daughter in May, and funds are starting to get really tight for my boyfriend and me. Even the half-hour drive to his apartment and the half-hour drive back every Friday night, and Sunday is taking its toll on our expenses (He doesn’t have a car at the moment). Recently he asked me for her social security number so he could file for food stamps and public assistance. I am hesitant to give it to him since the requirement for public assistance is that you are providing more than 50% support for a dependent. I know part of me is hesitant to give him her social security number since he would be committing fraud, but at the same time, I’m looking at potentially either needing to file for supporting myself once I go out on maternity leave (which I can’t do if he files with her) or filing for support from him. As her father, I think he should have at least copies of her legal documents and identifications; however, he has never asked for copies of her birth certificate or even her insurance card. I am trying my best to maintain a good relationship with him, but every time I talk to him, he talks about ordering takeout a few times a week, going bowling and parties with his friends, or the new video games he bought. I have been doing everything I can to pay the bills that. Yes, it angers me a little when he talks about spending his money so frivolously, but I know I have no say on how he utilizes his money. Am I selfish keeping important documents away from him even if I know his intentions on how to use them?

254 Likes

Don’t let him use your daughter for assistance. And stop letting him get away with not financially supporting her.

33 Likes

You need a court order for both child support and custody. This also makes it harder to commit fraud in his part.

2 Likes

Do not give him her social. He doesn’t need it for anything

1 Like

dont give him any info if he can afford to go out and blow money he can afford food and he should be helping you with money

2 Likes

He doesn’t need it. He can’t collect assistance on a kid he doesn’t have more than half the time

6 Likes

He maybe trying to claim her for tax purposes

7 Likes

No, if you know he is going to use her info to commit fraud you are in the right to not give it to him. He could use her info to try and get cc or loans so I wouldn’t and do what you have to protect her from anything that can harm her in the future

5 Likes

I wouldn’t. He could open up credit cards with her info…

literally. nope I wouldn’t do it. Unless he wanted you to fill out his paperwork for him. Tbh.

3 Likes

If you’re not happy with not receiving support from him, go file. You cannot withhold her information from him.

9 Likes

HE HAS NO RIGHT TO IT.!!
If he doesnt spend his money wisely than that is his fault. Do not let him use his daughter as a default. That is not ok.

2 Likes

He will claim her on his taxes as well

9 Likes

If he wants that info make him go get it on his own. He just doesnt want to put the effort into taking time to do that.

4 Likes

file for support its not just your responsibilty and donot give him social!!!

1 Like

Dont he could be trying to get it to file taxes on her and get money

6 Likes

Don’t give it to him… I’m willing to bet he wants to file her on his taxes. There is no reason for him to need it. Also if he isn’t even paying any support he needs to figure out how to get her for visitation. He’s an adult and needs to step up for his daughter. It’s not your responsibility to make him act like a dad. You’ve given him enough time you should file for child support as well. You’ve been nicer and more understanding than most. If he has money to waste then he has money to help support his child.

51 Likes

Do not do it it is fraud for him to.

2 Likes

He can’t get welfare benefits for a child he doesn’t have custody of. 50% for a dependent is only for taxes honey, not welfare. Hes likely trying to claim her on his taxes.

5 Likes

No. You’re not. If he wanted them, as her father, he could very well get them himself. It… Shockingly… Just costs money and time, which clearly, he’s not going to invest either into. He’s taking the easy way out. File for support. The party’s over. Time for dad to grow up and start stepping up to take care the responsibilities he helped create. I think asking for half of all expenses is more than fair. And. I’m petty, so I’d ask for back support as well. At this point, it’s not personal. You’re struggling, and your circumstances have changed, while he’s out there having a good time and doesn’t want to give up his current lifestyle. Bullshit, dude. Man up.

Do not give any thing to him. Not paying you child support and he does not hp with the transport on weekend. Even if it is cash. No no no nor your problem

2 Likes