Am I wrong for wanting to meet my exes girlfriend?

Background - my ex-husband went from having supervised visits to a couple of hours unsupervised to overnights for custody over the time span of a year and a half. He also has a 10-month-old with another lady and doesn’t have custody of that baby. Now my ex-husband has been leaving our kids (both under 4yrs old) with his girlfriend (of about a year) on his weekend and goes to work all day, he recently threatened to take me to court for 50/50 physical custody, and I confronted him about not spending time with our kids as it is and leaving them with the girlfriend, and he said that I should just be grateful that she helps him with them and that he thinks they have a better relationship with her than they do with him. The most frustrating thing is that he manages his own schedule for work when he knows it’s his time to be with our kids and from personal experience, I know he works late so i tell him if you are going to work, leave them with me instead then the convo goes downhill - apart from that issue I just put our kids in daycare, and he said that I need to give authorization for his girlfriend to pick the kids up, and I finally said if our kids are spending so much time with this lady I need to finally meet her, and he went off saying that all I do is cause problems for him and that she doesn’t need to deal with me because she’s pregnant (his 4th child from women #3) and I said I wasn’t going to argue with him if he didn’t let me meet his girlfriend when she isn’t going to be on the list to pick our kids up, and he can be responsible and pick them up himself. Am i wrong for wanting to meet the lady that my kids are spending the most time with over there? And is it excessive for me to not put anyone on the pickup list at daycare? I need advice - I think this situation is just going to get worse as time goes by

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I’d want to know her too if I were you…

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Yes it’s only fair you meet her and you never no. I worried about this and when I met my exes girlfriend we get on fantastically!

You have every right to meet her since she’s around the kids and spending the most time with them. And if they want you to put her on the pick up list from Daycare. I wouldn’t allow that until you meet her and establish a co parenting relationship with her.

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I giving him too much power & he’s apparently hiding something when she has them just show up they’re welfare is more important than his feelings & be prepared to document with photo

Absolutely the deal was it’s there time with him, so if he’s not there then he isn’t fulfilling the agreement of his time. Damn right I would want to know who’s caring for my kids. In saying that treat her respectfully and friendly, if she’s being good to the kiddos.

I wouldn’t let my kids go to his house till I met her, I wouldn’t care about his threats.

Stand your ground, you have every right to know who is in your children’s lives, regardless of what wonder dick says.

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Not wrong for wanting to meet her at all, especially considering how younger your children are. As for the pick up thing, if she is very much a part of his life and what not, and as long as you meet her and get an ok feeling with her in terms of her seeming like a decent person who will take care of your children well, there really is no reason not to put her on the pick up list. Because think of it this way, if you and him are the only ones on it and for some reason he doesn’t or cant pick them up, it falls on you no matter what since you are the primary care provider. If you’re ok with that, then do what feels good for you.

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You need a “first right of refusal” or something like that in the custody order. Basically if he is not there to take care of the kids during his time he has to ask you first if you will take care of them. Ask your lawyer

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If she’s spending so much time with your children then you absolutely have the right to meet. Be respectful though… your ex man may suck, but she may genuinely care about your kids. You want to have a good relationship with her if she’s going to be around them a lot.

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Yes you have all the rights in the world to meet her.she is basically a stranger,he wants all this custody but he never there,I would let the courts know all of that.

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Definitely your right to meet who is spending time with your kids while supposed to be with him. Don’t back down.

Not at all wrong, I would be the same. It’s not like you are going to start an argument or be hostile, the woman is part of your childrens lives and potentially their stepmother

I agree you should meet her because you don’t know what he tells her and you can develop a co-parenting relationship with her especially if she is picking up the kids from school.
But as far as what he does on his time I don’t think you should stress it. My hub works and is hardly ever home and I have my bonus baby 90% of the time and his ex argued that she needed to have her daughter because I’m not her mom :woman_shrugging:t4: I get that but hubs has full custody and she had the wknds. I never interfered and always communicated with her and I met her before anything changed.

I would of made it a point to meet her before my kids were going to be spending extended periods of time there. You definitely have a right to meet her and if she is a decent woman she will understand 100%.

I think your being more than fair. Asking to meet her is the mature, responsible thing to do. What kind of mom would you be to just trust a stranger.

You will feel better once you have met her. Besides she not married to him. She might be a great person but honestly baby nr 4 with him - unwed. She’s not thinking is she. No arrange to meet her. The sooner the better. And then decide IF she can collect from school. Bearing in mind to copy her drivers licence then.

I think you’re doing it right as you are now. You should meet her, then decide from there whether shes an approved pick up adult for daycare release.
You’re not over reacting or being crazy by any means. Maybe if you and the gf meet and can be civil with each other then things between you and the ex would improve as well. Cant hurt by trying!

Ask your kids about the lady and if she treats them nicely. Ask nicely to meet the lady since they have the same father. Move on from there.