Are the boundaries I am setting for my family and my husbands too much?

My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few weeks. I’m having trouble getting him to understand a balance with grandparents while also not playing favorites with grandparents. His parents practically have his brothers children 24/7. His brother and SIL are just not hands on parents and totally take advantage of his parents as much as they can. We have already discussed in depth that this is not how we will parent our kids. My siblings and their spouses each have children but they live far away and my parents go as often as they are able to see them. It seems to bug my husband and he makes comments about how he thinks they’re just going to come over every day. My parents can be a little excited about things and don’t understand boundaries sometimes, especially my mom, but I feel like if we are going to establish rules and boundaries that they should apply to both sides the same way and not favor one or the other or allow certain things from one but not the other. Am I wrong for this? For example, we will not be having either or our parents babysit full time for us, but they will both be backups, BUT he insists that my mom not be allowed to drive our child anywhere because he feels she doesn’t pay attention enough - I’m not necessarily against that, but I also feel that way about his moms driving too. And I feel like if we limit one, we should limit both. I’m also trying to get him to understand that when we go to the hospital that I do not want visitors until I am ready for them. When his brother’s kids were born, his parents were literally there before and after almost the entire day. I’m not trying to entertain people. I’m not opposed to them coming, but on my terms and to not overstay.

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There is a huge difference between healthy boundaries and total control.
Relax a bit, pick your battles and just go with the flow if what is supposed to be special time in your life. There are some boundaries that one set of grandparents need, that wont apply to the other set of grandparents. Its not that black and white and you are just going to tie yourself in knots about it! Relax.

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Yeah y’all are nitpicking things to death to the point that you’re taking all the joy out of it. Seems like you’re have a power struggle as well. Let your family come together and develope naturally. Your in-laws wanna be there for your and their grandbaby on the day. They don’t have to be right in the room, but it’s a natural thing for family to gather at a birth and look through the window at the nursery. They don’t have to immediately be in your room and and all over your kid, but it sounds like you don’t want them to bond or only to bond on your terms, which are very stringent when it comes to family. By all means set acceptable boundaries. But understand these people are blood related to your baby same as your parents. It seems like he sets a boundary on your parents for his concerns and your like alright to be fair then the same boundaries apply to his. Power struggle. Nitpicking. Just let things be for now and set boundaries as needed.

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Go with the flow . Parenting is all about learning to chill a bit on expectations. Have realistic expectations with your parents and in laws. But I think you wanting no visitors at the hospital is fine they can meet that baby when your settled at home and ready for visitors . Your body just went through alot and you need to focus on baby and get rest while you can.
Best of luck

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You can tell a grandparent what you want done but ultimately they are going to do whatever they want :woman_shrugging:t3: and not necessarily tell you.

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Seems to me you are over thinking things.
You are creating scenarios that havent even happened in your childs life and trying to work out how things will happen.
Sometime we have no choice as who can look after our child and for how long. Mother or mother in laws. You will be grateful for any help you get when you are tired and sleep deprived. (I will predict you will feel like this)
Let this worrying go and enjoy. Don’t create divides when you don’t know what your dealing with.
Good luck.

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I fully support your decision on not having visitors until you are ready and i say stick to your guns there, but as for everything else, you cant control what happens next. Take a deap breath and let things be. There are many things my parents do for my son that drives me nuts but at the end of the day they raised me and i turned out alright…

I think you need to chill a bit and that you are overthinking things

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Oh my goodness, this isnt going to go well if yall keep this up. You’re getting way ahead of yourselves. Just ride the wave and deal with it as it comes.

I wish I had been lucky enough to have family living close by when I was raising my young ones.

I hate in-laws lol they always get in the way. I’ve always promised I will never be that mother in law when my boys grow up… I’ve had this issue my boyfriend mum is useless and my mums thees whenever I need her she is amazing and my partner said she comes to early in morning to pick me and my children up to rake us to school as I don’t drive so I told her to please come 10 mins later when partners left… I don’t think you are unreasonable I think you need to sit down and explain each boundary one by one as you have mensioned alot there

Enjoy I wish my daughter had her grandparents.

Stop planning Soo much. Not allowing your kids in the car with your parents. Sad. Ya both obviously survived driving with them. This is sad. Lots of jealousy seems to me btwn the in laws

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I birthed way early in the morning so hubby and I just went into the hospital and didn’t tell anyone we were there until after the baby was born . So no crowed delivery room :slightly_smiling_face:

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You should be thankful for so much love and support. Some people have no one.

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You are robbing your child it sounds like both of you are control freaks. Do not be shocked when both sets of grandparents stop coming around.

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My folks came over every sunday so dam early nobody was awake, by the time we were all woke up they’d leave. I said can ya come later like after we’re all awake and had our breakfast…their reply was that they had shit to do and we should be awake already. Set your boundaries and don’t feel bad about it but dont be nitpicky.

Be blessed your child will have grandparents from both sides

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I see nothing wrong with setting boundaries, and making them equal for everyone. My boyfriend and I are expecting in a few months and have discussed many things like this. Ultimately, the day you give birth is YOUR day. You and your husband need time to bond with your child without a bunch of extra chaos. As far as the in-laws go, I think there’s nothing wrong with setting rules and boundaries. But they have to be the same for everyone. Best of luck to you and your growing family. :heart::heart:

Your rules will change once you have had the child. Being a new mom is HARD and EXHAUSTING, you will welcome the help and grandmas seem to k ow just how to help. Yes i would limit visiters in your room after birth until you are ready and keep visits to no morw than an hour, both you and baby will need your rest.