Can a jealous controlling person really change?

Can a jealous, controlling person really change? We’ve been together for ten and a half years. I have three young kids together, which I find makes it hard to leave; I never wanted a broken family. He’s gotten better over the years, but his verbal abuse and name-calling haven’t stopped. Always asking what I do, where I go, who I talk to, and what was said. For a while, he kept saying he didn’t care for me, and I was useless and not providing because I’m a stay at home mom. So after hearing it enough, I finally moved out. Then a couple of weeks went by, and he started being nice again, saying he couldn’t lose me, and he was sorry for what he did, and he realized how much of an ass he was. He started changing, so I’ve been staying with him over the weekends. He says I have contributed to the bad because I wasn’t thankful enough. Now the decision is mine, do I want this relationship or not. He says he wants it. He’s been pushing me away for so long, and now that I’m gone, he wants me back. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore with my feelings. I have a big wall built.

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I was with my ex for 10 years (military wife) 3 sons (1 mine -2 with him) and even now we’re divorced he still tries to be controlling .

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Girl, you got away. Stay away. You don’t deserve that, and your kids don’t need to see their mother being treated that way.

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Controlling people don’t change, they just figure out how to manipulate you into thinking you’re the problem. You moved out and I would stay out.

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Girl. You got one life to live. You deserve to spend it happy. If you aren’t you ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE IT. Don’t spend it miserable.

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He won’t change! Certainly not that quickly. He’s manipulating you to get what he wants and then you’ll fall
Into old routines.

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Not without personal therapy and that can take years

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Feeding you what u want to hear or see then goin back to old habits

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Get a job , tell him that u want couples counseling oand he needs to see a counselour before u even think about moving back i bet his attitude changes

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I left my marriage like that last summer. It was so hard to leave but I’ve never been happier. My kids have never been happier.
I know people still in contact with him and he treats his new girlfriend the same way.
I think there is a possibility to change but they have to really want to and be dedicated to a lot of therapy. The main problem, I think, is most men justify this behavior and see no fault in acting this way. They can’t change unless they admit to the problem and are willing to change.

Nooo and remember you tell
People how to treat you by the behaviors you except

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Saying that the way he treats you was your fault because you weren’t thankful enough is purely narcissistic. He’s not changing, or even trying to change. He’s just saying what he thinks you want to hear in order to keep you there. Fuck him off.

Stay on your own see how that goes for awhile and see if things get soften… There has to be trust in a relationship and if he’s acting like that "who did you talk to "and stuff like that hummm something isn’t right… Keep your independence hun :sparkling_heart:

He’s abusive, just because it’s verbal doesn’t make it better. He’s being nice because he wants you back with him, not because he has changed. Chances are if you go back he will become more abusive. It escalates.
You’re children will see his behaviors and they will then mimic his behaviors in their own lives. Your son’s will be like him, your daughters will be attracted to men like him. Do you really want that for your children’s lives? It is a cycle that you have to break.

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You made your decision already so stay put and start living your life on your own with your kids! He doesn’t deserve you and never appreciate you, period! Stand your ground!

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Girl, roll out. That shit is toxic, and trust me, it will not change. Been through a similar situation and it was hell, amazing how much better my life has been since I got away from it.

Sweetheart you basically just described a relationship with a narcissist. Do a little research on the subject. A lot of people over use the word narcissist, but living with a real one can have a major effect on how you see your self and can do some real damage. I’d just take a look into it, not just so you know what your dealing with but so that you protect your children from it as well.

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No. I was married 11 years. At various times he swore he’d change. Never did. I am so happy I left.

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Nope unless a miracle happens

No he won’t change, hes trying to get you back as he realized you weren’t useless, you moved out don’t go back, don’t stay with him on weekend and see how he starts acting. Look at it as it’s not a broken family your teaching your children that you don’t deserve to be treated badly and called names, he’s telling you what you want to hear and acting like you want him to, until he gets you back at home living with him,if you decide to go back it will be worse than before.if he hasn’t changed in ten years he never will.

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