Did anyone have success with couples counseling?

Have any couples had success with marriage or couples counseling? My brother’s friend and I have been together on and off for seven years ( steady the last three since getting pregnant and having our two yo son), but I don’t know him anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I basically share a bed a co-parent with my roommate. We never do anything together; activities with our son are 9/10 times done separately. I’ve voiced my feelings on a few occasions, and he just acts dumbfounded and surprised. As if he had no idea where it’s all coming from. He claims to understand but still exhibits no changes behavior to elevate those feelings. Old if he thinks it’s me being emotional or if is staying together for our son is more important than our individual happiness. I’m just wondering if therapy is even worth it since he hasn’t given much of a second thought to the many talks we’ve had already. Thanks in advance

24 Likes

To your question: yes, it helped alot.
With that being said, it takes two. If one isn’t willing to do the work and to lesson, then it’s not going to work. If you both can’t or won’t lesson to each other it’s over before you even start. Point blank.

3 Likes

I think it says volumes that you identified going as your brother’s friend. Not my lover, my partner, father of my child, etc.

6 Likes

Uhm yes counseling works. Yes for most couples with young children it will feel like romance had taken a back seat but if it’s true love abd you work at it it’s going to last. Guys don’t process things like we do. He may be doing what he thinks is the right thing and no idea that you are attaching meaning to what he does. What is it exactly that you want him to do? What are you doing to show him? Do you know each other’s love language. That was the best thing I learned from counseling and it made a huge difference.

Eh. You’re not married. Call it a day and move on.

Before you decide to try counseling. Sit down by yourself and decide if you really want this relationship. If you truly and honestly love this man and want it to work. If you do and you are prepared to really do the work then talk to him about counseling. See if he is honestly ready to do the work and wants to be in the relationship.
If you both are 100% invested then go and do the work. Good luck.

2 Likes

Nobody else’s success/failure stories have anything to do with it helping you both as a couple. It is up to both of you individually to put in the effort. Either you will succeed to a better place or you won’t. It’s up to both of you.

My first marriage ended after years of counseling

well to begin with you called him your brothers friend??

3 Likes

This relationship seems like a rollercoaster ride, and now there’s children, who are of utmost importance. Much to their consideration, as well as to the relationship going further, counseling would probably be very beneficial in helping to decide what should happen next. Given the information shared about your SO, FofB, Fof3, he’s not really present, but he’s taking up space. Allow him the option to go for counseling with you, if he accepts, there may be a chance for recovery. This might would make one believe that he cares and is willing to do what’s necessary in going forward. If he shouldn’t accept, you should go for counseling yourself. You can only be responsible for you and your children. Value yourself, and do what’s best for you and your children!:pray:t3::heart:

1 Like

When a relationship is over, then it’s over. Counselling can’t force your partner to love you and it can’t force two people to be happy together. Small issues regarding chores, kids or finances can sometimes be solved through counselling. But you have to know when to let go of a broken relationship when two people no longer love eachother in a romantic way.

My husband and I went through a very hard time several years ago. We had been married for35 years. I really thought we were going to get a divorce. We went to counseling and the guy was awful! He made the situation worse. My husband then found a lady that he went to by himself. He kept asking me to go and after several months, I went. She was wonderful! She helped us so much. Our marriage has never been better. I would advise to go but don’t be afraid to try someone else if the first counselor doesn’t help you. Good luck!

5 Likes

You need to be open to starting with one and maybe needing to move on to a different one in time!!! One person is not always the answer!!! They take you to the point where you feel you need to go forward and that means a new therapist!!! Good luck!!!

Yes, counseling does work. My husband and I have gone twice on our marriage, once when he was discharged from the military for an injury and again several years ago when we were in a bad spot due to my PPD after my last son. We both learned a lot from both episodes of counseling. You both have to be willing to work at it, though. Maintaining your relationship must be the goal for both of you, not just one.

2 Likes

It will only work if both parties are willing to work for it. Been there, married 25 years most of which was spent solo parenting and begging him to change. Tried counseling, after he heard same thing in 2 sessions was not willing to go back because “he wasn’t getting anything out of it”. It is worth trying and working hard to keep your family together as long as you both are willing to put the work into it!

2 Likes

As a couples counselor, counseling can work. As with anything… it depends how much work you’re willing to put in. The couples who practice the skills taught in sessions and are intentional about making a change, will make a change. Too often, couples show up in counseling and don’t practice any of the skills outside of counseling. These couples feel like no progress is being made, because it’s not.

True believer in counseling . I know marriages that have been saved . You have to do the work though and be honest

That depends on how you measure success. Being happy should be the outcome. Sometimes couples need to work things out and get realigned. Sometimes one member is ready to move on. I would want to find out which and move forward. Just be sure that you are ready to find out what your partner real wants. Maybe he wants things just the way they are. Is that good enough for you for the rest of your life?

1 Like

He probably wont change because he is happy with things the way they are, Does what he wants when he wantds. Try counselling but dont expect too much unless he starts opening up Good Luck/

We went to church counseling a couple times. yes it helps in understanding each other