My husband and I are going to counseling and it is absolutely phenomenal what it has done to our communication. We still have to work at it outside of counseling obviously, but counseling is always a good thing as long as you find a therapist you both like
It really helps cut through misunderstandings and helps you see how the other person sees things. We tend to make a lot of assumptions and see things through our own filters based on our personal experience; others have different experiences and filters.
Marriage counseling shows you your unproductive ways of dealing with things and gives you ways to do better, but you still have to do the work. It is always valuable to know more about what makes you and your spouse tick, even if it doesn’t save your marriage.
We found we loved each other but expressed it in different ways, and misunderstood a lot. Often we’d come to a problem from different sides and in the middle of arguing we’d realize that we actually agreed on the conclusion/outcome, but for different reasons. We could look at the same things and situations and see two (or more) completely different things.
Something most people are bad at is listening and hearing. It is often helpful to give the speaker an object to hold. As long as they are holding the object, they can speak uninterrupted. Then at a completely different time the other person gets to speak uninterrupted. After mulling over what each other said without responding, each person states what they think the other one said and asks if that is correct. The other person says yes, or corrects it. The first person then restates the interpretation and the process goes on until the other person is satisfied that the person understands what is intended (not that the other person has to agree or anything, just so they understand what the other is saying).
It’s a long process but will pay off. After each person feels heard and understood, then you can start with saying you understand the other person’s emotions and point of view, even if you approach things differently. You can then begin negotiations with “I feel ____ when you ___. Please ____.” statements. Keep narrowly focused on each individual aspect and nothing else until you achieve consensus. If there are sticking points, agree to think on it for a day or a week and then come back to it with new ideas. This takes lots of practice but is useful to every area of your life. My husband wanted me to pick up the house. The counselor said that was too vague and overwhelming for me. He then said to pick up the living room. “Too broad, be more specific” said the counselor. “Hang up your coat when you come in the house,” said my husband. Yes! That I could understand and do, and still do, to this day. The next session we could each ask for something else really specific from each other. This is how you go from arguing to getting what you want/need.
Most of us are too quick to react and argue and forget about listening to what the other person
As long as you both actually admit there’s an issue and that the issue is with BOTH of you. Not one or the other. My husband and I had therapy and he didn’t see a problem but said he’d go to make me happy. He went to the first 2 then stopped. Good luck
Counseling doesn’t work people fight me and my husband do everyone. Do i just ignore him are u starting the fight like are upset he didn’t do something what sets him off
Im not married to my partner but we did counseling at one point and I believed it helped alot. Yes it does depend on your counselor but having the right one helped and made us learn how we were talking to each other. Also our counselor had us read a book called ‘the 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. No matter if your in a relationship or not it’s actually a really good book to read. You discover what type of love you need to grow and it helps figure out the love language of your partner too. I hope that things get better for you and your partner
Its not going to work if he doesn’t man up and change take it from me .we we’re married for 8yrs divorced 3yrs still did not change.
Counseling together and separate is good. Will teach you a lot of things
You both have to try. My husband and I are doing separate counseling to work on ourselves and it’s amazing how much that has improved our marriage.
Sounds like you need Alcoholic Anonymous along with marriage counseling. Keyword here drunk
You have to both want to want the marriage and counseling to work. I feel like you’re going to do marriage counseling, do individual counseling as well. You learn so much about yourself and the other person.
Go for the counseling ! It is quite helpful !
Only if both people are willing to put in the work and do what is required for a healthy relationship.
Regardless if they will do it with you are not therapy I think is a benefit for anyone who is open and willing to do it. And don’t let 1 or 2 therapist that you don’t vibe with discourage you. Find one you really click with And a good therapist will have their own therapist.
as others have said, as long as both are wanting the marriage to work–but also if there is no abuse. Also if he is an alcoholic he must deal with that before counseling can work.
It will not be helpful if he continues drinking. I learned that through a relationship of 7 years and 1 child. We seemed counseling and while I tried to imply the advice to him at home while he wasn’t drunk it turned into a fight and all fingers pointed my way regardless. When I tried to apply them and he was drunk they worked to a certain degree but it depended on his level of intoxication. Sometimes he’d get heartfelt and admit wrongs others it would get physical bc like you I was fed up. I agree with some on this post though- he should seek individual counseling before marriage counseling and the same for you. Sometimes having a one on one with a Dr can help a person get to roots of a problem faster, easier and allow them to reflect more. So perhaps both of you should seek self counseling and focus more on growth personally for your children vs each other first.
You guys need to mature and learn how to communicate. It’s okay to disagree, but there’s no reason to be yelling at each other. As grown ups and spouses, communication and understanding is huge.
Both of you sit down and talk it all through. Stop the yelling.
My husband and i are in marriage counseling. We have been married almost 5 years amd in counseling for about 6 months. Its helping. Some days/sessions are hard and make us not speak to each other but then when we do again its better. I have noticed a huge difference in the way we communicate.
Been married 20 this August. We did counseling about 12 years ago. It helped but it only helps if you follow the steps.
Yes, do counseling and find a way to properly communicate and express problems. Let a counselor help both of you with issues and ways to solve/speak now before things get too bad.
Been married 10 year and done marriage counseling twice and it did not help us at all. For us it just turned into more drama. With that being said, I’d always encourage you both to give it a try and see if helps.
Yes… if he suggested it that means he is probably willing to give the counselor’s advice a real try. Your man is telling you he wants to be with you but he’s not sure how and he can’t remove those barriers by himself…so listen to him and give it a try.