I’m at a loss of what to do. I’ve been with my children’s father for six years now; we have two kids together. We’re engaged and have a house together. I’m just not sure I want to stay together anymore. I’m unhappy, he’s unhappy. We have an up and down kind of relationship. We’re complete opposites and don’t like the same things. He’s only into playing video games (I tried them but didn’t get into it), and I like to go out and explore/try new things. I’m all about making memories and family time. He’s not. He was raised in an old fashioned home where the woman does everything for everyone, and I was raised where the roles were split, so we constantly butt heads about it. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed, and it would be nice to have the load taken off my shoulders once in a blue moon without having to “nag.” I want to be proud of him, but I know he’s not reaching his full potential. He’s not a very driven guy, doesn’t do things unless he’s forced to. Spending time with family is a chore. I love him, but I know I deserve better. I guess I’m asking if you think therapy helped your relationship? Or how did you gain the confidence to leave your relationship as a mother? I don’t want my family to be broken. My parents are together, so I have never experienced divorce, whereas he has with his parents not being together. I’m really struggling with this. I want this to work out, but I don’t want to be miserable forever.
Therapy, im my experience, only helps when everyone involved wants it to help
I think you’ve really answered your own questions hun, looks like you’ve grown apart there’s nothing wrong with getting a divorce either it just happens best to think how it’s affecting your children too as they pick up on things, sit it him tell him everything you’ve said here and see what he says if he’s a brat then you know if he agrees to work on things then give it a shot but I honestly can’t see a guy like him changing his ways, good luck
Talk to him about your concerns. Communication is the first step. Therapy only works when you both want it to.
I couldn’t be with someone who only wants to play video games.
A male that puts video games above his family, is not mature enough to be called a man. Ask yourself if this is what you want, if not you have your answer.
Have you reached your “full potential”?
Video games and drinking are deal breakers for me. Thank God my man doesn’t do either one. I personally would read this post to your SO and ask him what should this woman do. Of course, don’t tell him you wrote it until he is done talking to you about it. I would also remove the games from the situation for a while and directly ask him what does he want to do as a family.
I just ended my relationship of 5 months not long but long enough to not put up with his childness, insecure behavior along with other behaviours that kept showing up as for therapy it may work but for how long who knows really it’s gotta be the person that needs to change their behaviour if ur unhappy I wouldn’t stay it will just make u miserable and u don’t want to be raising ur child ( ren ) in that environment it will or could impact them
Counseling will only help if both are honest and do the work. I would ask him if he chooses not to or goes but isn’t honest and doing the work then you know you tried. If you choose not to ask him. Go for yourself it will clarify what you want and feel you deserve and will help you decide how to move forward. Best of luck.
Being opposites isnt always a bad thing. Think yin and yang. That balance between the two sides. My husband and I have similar interests in movies and music…but personality wise we’re opposite. We’ve found how to make it work for us…I’m an introvert. I love my books and quiet afternoons. Hes extroverted. He’s social and likes people. Hes my buffer in social situations. Sometimes I literally hide behind him. I’m the researcher and problem solver.
We didnt have to do couples counseling but I had to do counseling to deal with ptsd so I’d quit sabotaging our relationship.
The thing about any type of therapy is that the participants have to be willing to put the work in. Its TOUGH. It takes a lot of self reflection, self accountability, empathy, logic, openness, and vulnerability.
If he’s willing to put the work in (it already sounds like you are) then yes, it very well could help tremendously. But if he’s not it will be a waste of time.
I really think you should not even be considering getting married if you are that unhappy.
My husband and I went to a alicensed Christian conselor. Yes i would recommend even if your not having problems to go and strengthen your relationship. Remember what about the other person made you fall in love in the first place.
Oh, that’s a man baby right there. He needs sent back to his mama for further caretaking. He doesn’t want a partnership, he wants his mommy. This kind never grow up. They will put their needs first always and women that leave them are soooo sooooo much happier.
This sounds like me in the OP. Went through the exact same thing! I got into the habit of waking up & saying “Actions speak louder than words.” That was my daily affirmation. I needed to accept and understand that one before any other. I spoke to my mom and asked for advice. My mom said that whether you’re in a relationship or not, both persons should be able to financially live independently. I made sure I had enough for a deposit on a rental if needed or that my parents were willing to let us be there. I removed all valuables & kept them at my parents. And then I went to him and plain and simply said, things have to change. If you’re not willing to then the change will be that of ending our relationship.
Therapy will help you address issues that you two have. Either subconscious issues or those you think you can’t talk about. I think it’s a great idea for you two. Especially if you are still willing to make the relationship work.
Get involved in a relationship with Christ. It saved my marriage. Marriage counseling did not work. Relationship with Christ did!
Marriage counseling helps! If you are both honest during sessions / willing to then go home and continue the convo until you come to some sort of closure on the issue you were discussing that day- we found ourselves sitting in the car for an hour after each session continuing the convo- bc its never complete when that 55 mins is up. It gets worse before it gets better- but it does get better- good luck!
It doesn’t get any better. When they show you who they are, believe them.
Ok ive been here… Ive been with my husband since i was 17 (im 40 now) youre at a point where many chose to split ways or cheat… (Called many times the 7 year itch)… More things are standing out and your seeing where you are now as to where you want things to be… At 6 years i was engaged with 2 kids… Hes always been into video games even now… I was always one who would rather go for a ride go to the park ect. Its going to take you both truly wanting it to work making changes and listening to each other those lines of communication are key… And therapy can help if youre both willing to put in the effort…and then Few years back i broke down once again and told him i wanted a divorce… Left for the night… It took that shock of reality for things to change this time and make him see how bad things really got… And since then weve worked on things and are going strong once again… So in short to answer your question… Yes it can work… It can open those lines of communication but you both need to put in the work and effort if you want to make this work…