Do you SO provide entirely for your household? Like bills, groceries, extras? Does he give you any money for yourself and or does he save so that you can get things if you need them? I am currently a STAHM (not by choice). Although I love my kids, I was making great money working. But bc my husband had a bad childhood experience in daycare, he refuses to let the kids go, and I had to be the one to sacrifice everything. It wouldn’t be so bad, but we never have any money, he never saves, and when I offered to take care of the finances, he argues with me bc it’s “his money” … I have to wait around for financial aid, or extra money that I bring in from school to ever get my hair done, any extra clothes, or even get out of this house (which is also always an argument). I never have anything I need ( or want, really) and find myself calling my mother (I’m a grown adult) to borrow money. I am getting really tired of it, but my SO wont even discuss the idea of me going back to work. So my real question is, am I being selfish? is this normal SAHM stuff? or does you SO provide the essentials and still has left over?
Sounds controlling to me.
First of all he is not your father to tell if you can or cannot go back to work … If he has issues with daycare he can stay home and watch the children … You sacrifices can easily to resentment toward your husband … It sounds like you are his child asking for allowance … In marriage it’s both of y’all money not just his
Personally I’d leave, no one deserves to live like that and your children shouldn’t see you go through that
Controlling. My boyfriend supports the house but he puts money in my account every week. Anything I want or need he makes happen. Im only a stay at home mom bc we can’t afford day care for me to work a low paying job. Wouldn’t make sense. But he fully encourages me to work if I can find something that would work for us. Its a team effort. No it’s not normal for him to control all the finances and trap you at home
My ex did the same thing. Ended up he was paying someone else’s bills, and not paying ours.
I’m a SAHM and my fiancé works and if I ask for it then we sit down together and work the budget because I like to always have a budget so we don’t live past our means and are able to save and currently I’m also pregnant but he’s never once told me I couldnt have something he’s even suggest that I take money and go get my nails done or go get myself something
Sounds like you need a new husband my husband works full time and goes to school full time and he still makes sure that both our son and I are taken care of before himself. We also didn’t want daycare for our son because of all the terrible things we heard. I know that doesn’t work for everyone but it does for us. Marriage is supposed to be taking care of each other. My husband and I have a joint account so everything is shared. I know not everyone has that either but their husband will at least give them some money for things and take care of or help with the bills. Don’t let him treat you like that, you deserve more. If you want it to work, maybe try counseling .
This is not normal, this is a red flag. There’s a reason you needed to confront strangers about this.
That sounds pretty toxic. It’s hard to go from making your own money to feeling like you need to ask for basic essentials. But the fact that he makes you feel bad for it and gives you grief is a red flag. Maybe sit down and have a talk with him without bringing in emotions, but to get your points across that it’s not okay. If hes unwilling to change, maybe consider other options. Idk your life, but consider marriage counseling or something along those lines
I never had to ask when I was at home 🤷
I’m a SAHM (by choice) and never have to ask
Find a marriage counselor or attorney. Not even kidding
I am a SAHM, my fiancé and I talk money all the time. We never live without and he always make sure we have all that we want and need. He regularly tells me that staying at home and being a great parent is just as much as a job as his. I feel equal to him. I hope things get better lady❤️
Sounds really controlling… me and my boyfriend share a joint account (I’m a sahm) and I just let him know if I’m going to get something. I don’t go out and do any crazy shopping or anything but I always just ask him to make sure because it’s not my money.
If you leaving the house is always an argument, you need to work again so you’ll be able to support yourself. Sounds like you’re being controlled and that is no way to live or let your kids watch it, especially girls.
No not normal at all. You are married, or at least im guessing. But thats your money too especially having kids now. If he wants you to be a sahm then he needs to stop being selfish and controlling. If not id say leave his ass. What hes doing is not ok.
No, you’re not being selfish. It sounds like he wants to be in control of the relationship and finances. In this situation I would have a conversation with him. Sometimes you just need to speak up and advocate for yourself. It’s not selfish to sacrifice your career to take care of your children. Let him know you have needs as well. Simple things like hair, nails, clothes every once in a while, when the budget permits. If you don’t advocate for yourself, it will make you unhappy. It does not hurt to have a conversation. The worst he can say is no. Then it’s up to you to decide what the next step is or what you want to do.
I’ve been with my fiancee for 11 years, we have both had jobs, both not had jobs and one does, doesnt…we have always said money is our money, I am a sahm now and he still says its our money. Id feel pretty upset if he ever said “this is my money, you have no say”. Its hard enough being a sahm and feeling like your not contributing but it would be super difficult to have someone remind you of it by taking ownership of all the money.
I get the “I work and make the money” etc every once in a while from my husband, usually when hes stressing about something, but he doesnt act that way - he provides everything we need and things I want for myself also such as my hair, coffee or eating out, my halloween costume, etc. Were a team.
And Ill say that if hes that adamant on the kids being home then maybe he should have been the one to sacrifice his career to take care of the kids or be grateful that youre doing it instead