Do I have a right to be upset?

Am I overreacting? My sons father and I have not been together for 2 years. He’s not a bad parent, he just likes to pick and choose when he wants to be a parent when it’s convenient for him. He has a girlfriend of 5 months. We live in a small town of less than 2000 people and she has a reputation of using drugs. I have made it very clear to him that I do not want our son around her. He lied to my face and told me that she would not be going to Christmas. I found out that she was indeed at Christmas. Am I overreacting for being upset with him?!

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You can be upset, but what I learned was you cannot control what the other parent does when you are not around.
It is hard, but you can’t.
I still can’t accept it and it’s been 6 years.
Give it time, they probably won’t last.

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It sucks but unfortunately we can’t control what he does w his personal life even tho I understand its important to know who is around your child at all times. Im going through a similar situation where dad has already introduced gf of less than 6m to our daughter without even letting me know. Unless your baby comes home different or w bruises there’s not much you can do or say…save yourself the stress & trust he’ll be a good father.

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Sorry to say this as I’ve been in the same situation before but… You can not and will not control who is in his home. How would you feel if he gave you the same restrictions because of a reputation of someone? Which in most cases especially in a small town is mostly hearsay. But as long as your child is safe then you have zero say. Just gotta keep your head up and be mindful is all

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If she’s not high or using around your kid then there should not be a problem with it you cannot control your ex’s life just because you have a kid like you said he’s not a bad parent so I’m pretty sure he’s not going to actually let her around y’all’s child while she’s using or high

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You have every right to be upset because everyone is entitled to their feelings. However, you don’t have the right to tell the other parent who they are and aren’t allowed to have around the child. He isn’t allowed to tell you that he doesn’t want you having a man around so you aren’t allowed to tell him he can’t have a woman around. She might have a bad reputation, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she is dangerous to your children. If you don’t want her around or believe she’s a danger, then take it to court.

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Yes u have every right to be upset… I would stop your ex access knowing that u know his new GF of her addict better to have proof than just hearsay… You will need a, good family law solicitor to help with u this. Your son safety is paramount, x

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I was in the same situation once except it was his friend, not his girlfriend. He came out of town for visitation so he used it as an excuse to use his friends place for visits and i took it to court and he was banned from knowingly being around him during his visits with my kid.

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I would tell him if it happens again you will go for supervised visitation . Honestly a clean person doesn’t just start dating someone who’s using. She may not be the only one using .

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Without actual proof that she’s currently using, no don’t be upset. If the dad is actually a good parent and not an addict himself, you gotta trust he’s making good choices for your child and wants what’s best for them.
Rumors in a small town are half lies and the other half isn’t even true :rofl:

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Is she a drug addict? You want him to pick and choose your significant others for you? Its controlling behavior and you can’t control them. The only control thats healthy is if there is any reason such as drugs, child endangerment, sexual abuse, etc… if you suspect any of that you have to go through to proper channels and try to get temporary immediate primary custody. You can turn him into cps and perhaps they will have him do drug tests and do supervised visitations. Please don’t be upset. That won’t help anything. What will help is being proactive and protecting your child if there is a need.

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You can’t control what the other parent does. Yes it would be nice to have a good co parenting relationship where the other parent would take into consideration how you feel but that’s not always the case. Unless you have proof of drug use I’m not sure there is much you can do. If you have full custody you can certainly dictate things but if he takes you to court you will need more then I heard she has a reputation.

Everyone’s got something to say about me in my small town. I haven’t heard a true version yet lol

Im not being funny but if he was a good dad he wouldn’t be with someone who takes drugs and allows her to be around his child. Just my opinion.

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A reputation go find out for yourself before you tar someones name ask her get to know her awful thing to say if youv never spoken with her yourself

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I wanna know what drugs she’s supposedly on though… maybe she’s just a pot head. :woman_shrugging: That’s a kind of person I’m generally okay with, but I wouldn’t want a tweaker(like a meth or crack addict) around my kids.

No. You’re protection your child. But meet her and see how that goes. As long as she is good to the kid and doesn’t do drugs and respect you. But everyone ia different. Go with your gut. No one will protect your baby like you.

As a mom who has dealt with this exact scenario I won’t say you are over reacting. I have a parent myself that is in active addiction and has been for all of my life, the actual question is whether or not her presence poses a threat to your child’s immediate wellbeing. It sounds like perhaps he’s not all that active in your child’s life so if it’s a rare occurrence and other family members are present with no immediate threat. I wouldn’t make too many waves. First find out for sure, people talk and that doesn’t mean that what they are saying about her is true. However if it is, you absolutely have a right and responsibility to protect your children, and keeping them away from people under the influence of drugs falls into that category. So if you have concrete evidence she is in fact on drugs and is around your child while intoxicated, you raise all the hell you need to, to make sure your baby is safe!

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I let my alcoholic husband have visitation until he did something to prove him untrustworthy …fell asleep in the theater when he took them to the movies. That was it. Supervised visits at my house. He only came once. RIP

As someone who was in this position. And one who flipped out and caused unnecessary drama. Just let it go. My daughter absolutely adores her dads girlfriend regardless of his girlfriend past. She loves my daughter. Treats her well. Supports her whenever she can. Helps me when i need. I judged her alot before knowing her. I called her awful names. And i 100% regret it. I recommend meeting her yourself before judging her.

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