Fan question, I was in a friendship for 10+ years. I ended this friendship because I got tired of all of the competitiveness. No matter what my husband and I did, these friends always tried to one-up us. Their children did wrong in their eyes. We had a play date set up for our kids, had it planned for weeks than when we went over there, the oldest child was allowed to leave with her grandparents. My child was hurt. Am I wrong for just ending the friendship? When I confronted my friend about her child leaving, she said she didn’t see the problem. Am I overreacting?
I think it was the straw that broke the camels back!!!
Why are we worried about a grown woman’s feelings, when she didn’t care about a child’s? Tell them to kick rocks.
Yes you’re over reacting. You dont end a 10 year friendship over that. How did you even make it 10 years if you’re considering ending it over that is my question.
Maybe not ending the friendship is the right step but definitely taking a step back from it and giving some time
You obvious don’t care for the friendship seems very petty
I would not have anything else to do with them. I mean who plans a play date and then let’s the child leave?? I would have left when the child left. I don’t disrespect ppl and me or my children would not be disrespected. Friends like that who needs enemies.
Did the older kid want to go with the grandparents? If the kid wanted to go with the grandparents instead of hangout with you guys then they should be allowed to do that. It sucks you guys planned this all out and the kid left but I don’t really believe in forcing interactions with between my kid and others.
Ending a friendship over this might be a bit of an overreaction but it sounds like it’s been a build up of things, maybe just take a step back from the friendship, you’re really lucky to have had a friend for so long.
I’d say it’s worth having another conversation with your friend abt the whole picture of the competitiveness and abt the particular incident. If they are your friends they will/would want to take into consideration your feelings being that it’s a mutual friendship. Don’t ever dismiss your gut or feelings blow them off as “your overreacting.” Validate how your feeling and have a constructive conversation with your friend, be honest if your feeling were hurt. Also do take into account your friends feelings as well. 10 years is a hard thing to walk away from without going the extra mile, but sometimes we do drift away from friends, especially when our own children are also involved. Good luck!
Yeah that was rude and i would’ve left as well.
If you don’t want to be friends with anyone, you are allowed. You don’t need approval or reassurance that it’s the right decision if it is what you see is best. You don’t owe anyone friendship and if you’ve out grown them, then that’s okay!
Rude yes. But were the grandparents in from out of town? Hadn’t seen them in a while? The polite thing to do was to contact you as soon as they knew that child wouldn’t be available and reschedule. But it doesn’t sound like this is your first issue with them, just your last.
I wouldn’t end a friendship over this but it definitely sounds like you need some space from your friend and just give the friendship a time out. Sometimes if you guys are to involved in each others lives then that person can start to get on your nerves. Its always best to just give some time between you guys and then when you reconnect you may notice a difference. Also she could be feeling this way about you as well and her behavior could be her trying to push you away because she feels she may need space as well
Do they try to one up you or were they just trying to better themselves too? Seems like you are looking at what they are doing instead of focusing on your family. Also did the child want to leave or did she tell the kid to leave? Your child was hurt but you what about the other kids feelings of wanting to see grandparents.
However, if you don’t want to be friends then just stop the interaction. You’re an adult.
I would end it especially if my child was hurt
Maybe skip socializing one on one and just hang out in groups where you can be with other people vs. being with her exclusively.
Remember, trying to one-up you likely means she feels inferior and is trying to boost her self-esteem. It feels personal to you, but really, it’s personal to her. Did she grow up with a sibling who was the “golden child”? See what happens when you build her up and give her credit for her successes. Also check yourself. Sometimes always sharing good news can feel like you’re boasting or gloating. Ask her if you come across that way to her, even if it’s unintentional.
Definitely sit down with her & have a deep discussion. Start with “I feel ____ when you _____. Can you please ____?” Then probe why she reacts the way she does. WHY is it hard to share your joy/success? Why did she feel it was OK for her kid to leave a play date?
Also, learn to detach a little. Life rarely turns out how you want. Letting your kids experience disappointment and showing them they’ll survive builds resilience. Practice taking things in stride. “Oh, well, maybe next time. Let’s go do something else.” If something happens one to three times, let it go, but make your feelings known nicely. If it’s a constant pattern, stop expecting a different outcome and act accordingly.
The less dramatic you are (and model for your kids) the easier all your lives will be. Find someone chill who rolls with the punches as a role model. Think of the challenges people have to deal with during a disaster or in a war zone or living under a repressive regime, or the stresses of the homeless in your community or the difficulty of raising a child with severe mental and/or physical disabilities or living with them yourself. It helps put our petty, middle class concerns into perspective. Practice being grateful every day with your family and look at the bright side. “Oh wow, it’s disappointing his friend had to leave, but it’s great you got to play together for half an hour/you get to have attention from __your friend __”
Also, does her kid like spending time with your kid as much as the reverse? Maybe her child doesn’t enjoy these play dates as much as you think.
Lastly, it’s OK to pull away, pause or even end a friendship after many years. We all grow and change, sometimes in different ways. So don’t feel guilty if this is what you decide.
If you dont want her to be in ur life then dont . U dont need excuses . Do whats best for you
Not Over reacting, Was inconsiderate to just Dump Your Family’s Plans…
That was rude. It was not last minute. Envy is dangerous and you can do better than people like that
You sound very petty. You said their oldest kid left, so obviously there’s at least another kid for yours to play with. Let it go.