Has anyone separated from their spouse because they’re not in love and are unhappy? I’ve struggled with this for a few years. Almost 10 years together and I feel like I got married too young and because I felt like I had to (parental pressure/that’s how I was raised, you get married and start a family no other options)… my husband is an incredible person. He’s caring, a good dad, hard working… I already feel like a crappy person for having these thoughts. The one friend I talked to said it’s not fair for me to be with him out of guilt and he deserves to be loved by someone completely, I just can’t help feeling selfish because while I know, eventually he’ll heal and find that person to love him the way he deserves… why should he get hurt now just because I’m unhappy and it’s not at all his fault? We have two children of which obviously since he’s such a good parent, I would never imagine going for anything more than 50/50 custody if that matters. Please be gentle and no bashing, I’ve really been struggling with this for such a long time and do absolutely love this man, I’m just not IN LOVE with him. I really already feel like a super crappy person for not being able to be in love with him when he’s so wonderful and I’ve tried for so long… I just don’t know what to do… is it selfish to want to leave? Or is it selfish to stay and prolong it…
It is selfish in my opinion, to him and you. Life is short, you both deserve to be happy.
At this point, it’s selfish to stay if you aren’t in love. I don’t see how you’ve stayed this long if you aren’t happy…once I start feeling like I don’t really want the person I’m with, everything they do gets on my nerves until I just leave. Don’t waste any more of his time or yours if he’s not who you want
I personally don’t think it is fair for you or for him to stay in something that does not make you happy. If you don’t think counseling could help then I think it would be better to leave now and find someone that makes you happy. Life is too short. Sometimes if we love someone, the best thing we can do is set them free, if we are not in love with them. He might resent you at 1st or even for a while but hopefully it is something that you too can look back on and realize it was the best decision.
I think that you choose who you love. I would start seeing a counselor on my own to try and figure out if you can learn to love him again. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s up to you to decide if this is worth fighting for or not. Nothing worth having or saving is easy!
Leave now, before it is too late. Life is not about what other people may think or feel. Your life is about you, not your husband or family or friends or colleagues or societal norms. You deserve to be happy and your children deserve to have a happy mom!
Have you tried getting counselling to figure out why you are legitimately getting these feelings? Maybe try that first
Just remember…the grass is not always green on the other side. You might leave and realize he was not the issue and STILL not be happy with someone else. By that time, he might already be with someone who deserves him. Just make sure 100 percent that it is what you want, before leaving.
I would definitely seek counseling.
i would try councling and just think before you do something you will regret
Talk to him about how you are feeling. He might feel the same way. Discuss together if counseling is something you want to do. If not, divorce, but be fair. Split everything 50/50 (money, assets, time with the children, child expenses). And since you are doing 50/50, no child support. Good luck!
I think that the grass isn’t greener on the other side… take more time to water your own grass x
You get one chance at life…seriously choose happiness!!! Be sure it’s him 100% and not you…sometimes we go chasing happiness but it’s our own happiness we’re looking for in someone else…take some time for just you first
Get some counseling because it’s not"fall in love and in love forever" if you love him that’s enough to work at falling in love with each other daily or at least monthly or yearly lol , it’s work on both ends, it’s a constant reconnecting. You may have an issue and it happen again with anyone your with, and you’ll run your life trying to find “love”.
Definitely meet with a therapist by yourself to work out what the problem/s is/are. Among other things you have to learn to stand up for yourself and not cave to societal pressure, though maybe you’ve achieved this since your marriage a decade ago. Then maybe both of you go. It’d be tough on both of you to be single parents. But who knows? Maybe he feels the same way you do? Most couples lose the early passion and you do have to work to keep a spark alive and get past the “seven year itch,” though if you were never madly in love with him, it might be best to split.
Ya if you’re not happy you don’t have to stay just because you have a past togetehr
I left my relationship of 9 years and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
I mean relationship change as you mature so that could be your feeling. You could break up but be prepared to be a single parent for a long because when children are involved you gotta be very careful on other men you bring onto your life and when you realize that you have had it comfortable with your current partner there isn’t a going back even if you are on good terms.
Tbh I think you should just leave for the weekend, a long weekend and see if you miss him. I feel like a lot of people also just get sick of the same stuff everyday year after year and dont love the routine it doesnt mean you dont love the person? Maybe try some new sex stuff with him ? An out of the ordinary date night? I’d see if you can recapture the magic before crushing his heart
If you have children I would seek counseling, you chose to bring children into this world so you need to stay with their father . Counseling will do wonders. Give it all you got
I would leave that way you can find love and be happy loving someone and he can find someone who actually loves him. Its life things happen the longer you stay the more pain he has to deal with.