My kids are horrible liars. I’ve had them thinking since they were little that they have a blue dot that pops up on their forehead when they lie. I call them out when I know they’re lying and when they’re telling the truth they always show me their forehead and say “see mom?? No blue dot!” It has actually worked really really well for us!
I told my daughter that her ears turned red when she lied. Now she covers her ears when she is lying. Lol
Sometimes they lie for all of the attention. You have explained everything to here. When she lies now come up with a simple isolating punishment and the behavior may stop. Don’t give her a lot of discussion anymore just consistent action.
Honestly, it’s her age. I would just keep sticking to the same routine you have. Structure is everything, she will grow out of this.
My son is 11 and is still convinced that I know when he is lying cuz his ears turn red. I told him that when he was little and always stuck with it…
I have bagged EVERYTHING in my child’s room but clothes. She continued so now she only has plain clothes to wear. Solid shirts and pants. That didn’t work so we had her read some articles about lying. Next is a full report on lying and what it can do to a person’s life.
When my daughter was little (15 now) she also lied a lot. I told her I could smell lies and would actually sniff her. If I knew she was lying she would be punished. She stopped pretty quickly.
Chilli on their tongue…only happened a couple of times
When I was a teenager I lied all the time . my mom said I would lie when the truth would be easier . then one day I decided I would only tell the truth . I then told the truth no matter who I hurt . finally I learned that sometimes not saying anything was sometimes best . I’m a man now and people know I am a good person to confide in . it took time and patience on my mother’s part to straighten me out . I’m sure you are a good mom who will be patient and strong unfilled your little girl comes around . I’m praying for you .
My sister is a psychologist and BCBA and she taught me something profound that actually works. If you want to actually see results you have to change you. What you are doing is not working- as you described she is getting worse. Elevating what you are doing will do what then? - make her behavior even worse. You have to change what you are doing completely in order to change results. The way to illicit desired behavior is to expect it, then reinforce anything positive. Start by listening to her talk… if she says I hate school or I like pizza - reply, oh I like how you tell me the truth about your feelings. You’re good at that. Build up and tell her, you’re very honest when you talk about —— . I like that. You will have to tell her she is honest, truthful, etc, a LOT to counteract all the times she has been told she lies. A child searches for identity and when they are told by a parent- you are lazy - you lie too much, etc. they believe their parent and internalize that identity, then they continue the behavior. If you want the behavior to change you must make her believe she is a truth teller and concentrate on the one hundred times a day she tells the truth - if she believes she is an honest person she will behave accordingly. She currently believes she is a liar and she is behaving accordingly. At this stage she gets her identity primarily from you. You need to hold up and reinforce a vision of her that is her at her best. Rule of thumb- ignore unwanted behavior and it usually goes away- concentrate on a behavior and it grows.
The age group it’s not developmentally uncommon but sounds like perhaps she’s doing it a bit more… If she is lying because of fear of consequence or getting in trouble what I told my kids I will give you one chance to then tell me the truth (after a lie) and you won’t get in trouble as long as you tell me the truth. Then because I kept my promise for telling the truth it showed they could trust me and not fear telling the truth going forward. Most often kids lie because of how us adults react.
It’s honestly normally behavior for a 6 year old… If you know she broke a toy don’t ask her “did you do this” say “I know you did this, and things break but you need to tell me when they do”
All children lie, they test boundaries… we need to hold them accountable but at the same time remember they are kids… don’t give her the opportunity to lie, she’s 6 and you know what she’s doing so point it out to her
Step 1) decide on a consequence.
Step 2) communicate that the consequence will happen every single time.
Step 3) follow through.
I feel like we often get so caught up in what the “best consequence” to each less-than-desireable behavior is, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. If it’s spanking, mouth washed out with soap, time outs, loss of tv privileges, etc. Consistency is the key. Every time you catch your kid in a lie, execute the communicated consequence and reinforce that choosing to lie is choosing to experience the consequence. Remind them that you love them and that you provide a consequence to teach them how to live happy lives. Happy kids are kids that have parents that love them enough to let them learn.
My grandma told me my tongue turned black when I lied and then would watch me cover my mouth or run to the bathroom to check my tongue after lying and would call me out and it made me realize I couldn’t get away with kt
Lots of good advice here. This is mine…Cobble together what works for you and yours. Brush up on her zodiac sign. Meet her where she’s coming from to understand why she’s doing it. Wouldn’t hurt to look into the rest of the family’s sign’s too. Helps to understand the family dynamics. Hang on, in ten years she will be a completely different kid.
I made the lie a punishment not the behavior. Like if I knew or caught them lying that’s what I punished and if they were honest even though they did something wrong I went easier on them for telling the truth. Both are teenagers now and they tell me everything except my son has a tendency to tell bullshit stories to his friends but when it comes down to it I can trust both of them. My son has adhd.
She has to know that she wont be punished for being honest that her truth will be celebrated
When my son was 7 he stole quarters from my jar i put my spare change in he lied to me and told me he found it …he thought I was taking him to store to spend it …I told him in car I was taking him to police station it didnt take him long to tell me he took it he never stole or lied to me again (that I know of )
Tell her a lie and see how far she will run with it. But then Again that is stooping isn’t it!. Mabe it will work see how she likes it.
If you figure it out. Let me know. Mine’s almost 10