So my SIL was married for 17 years, last year her now ex-husband kicked her out of her home a WEEK before CHRISTMAS. I know she has been having a terrible time since he left her, turns out he had a side chick who he married within a couple of weeks and moved away 2 hours away from his 16 & 11-year-old kids. He didn’t give one crap about either one of them, no merry Christmas or Happy New Year. It turns out his 11-year-old was FaceTiming him, and he accidentally turns the camera around, and she saw a baby car seat in the back of his truck. He then proceeded to tell her he had a baby in which the baby is about eight months old. She was very upset, and now she has become a rebel to the point she doesn’t care about school or anything. She feels like everything was my SIL fault. Turn out he doesn’t even send them money or any help at all but the last week just brought two horses but told his kids he doesn’t have money! How could I tell her without hurting her feeling to file for child support? Or how could I tell her everything is gonna be ok when I know things with her daughter aren’t so good? He’s an asshole, and everyone in the family thought so highly of him until he did this.
Telling her to file for child support shouldn’t hurt her feelings.
Just offer your shoulder and “suggestions”. Telling her what to do may upset her…but suggesting/educating may help a bit better.
Just tell her that he should be helping with the children including paying child support
Stay out of it. If she wanted to she would . Filing and getting a motion doesnt mean she’ll ever actually see a dime . If they divorced she would know more custody and child support wise .
Her daughter needs counseling. She may blame SIL for the situation because she knows SIL will be there whether she’s a brat or not. Dad has proven he will leave so she may be afraid to upset him. This situation is similar to what I experienced with my oldest. I put him in counseling and things got much, much better. He’s now 16 and understands the absence of his other parent has nothing to do with me. I didn’t have to ever say a word. About support… maybe ask her why she hasn’t filed? Maybe she’s afraid of something? Does she think he might file for custody of their children or perhaps he’s threatened to? She should certainly be getting financial help to raise the children. Even if she thinks she doesn’t need or want it, the kids deserve it. Put it in savings for when they get their first car or apartment, etc.
Is she supporting herself and the kids by herself then I wouldn’t file. He’s apparently not going to pay but file for full custody!
Child support isn’t what came to my mind from all of this. The 11 year old going and talking to a therapist to sort everything that is going on and how she feels does. I’m sure if the SIL wants CS she will go for it.
You dont!!! Stay out of it, not your business. She’s grown she knows what’s best for her and her kids
Maybe just mind your own business?
Telling her to go for support isnt mean. It’s real world stuff. He has 2 kids he needs to help care for. It’s not mean ornrude to tell her to go after him. Tell her you have her back, tell her if she needs help, your there for her. Tell her hes an asshe and a jerk. Tell her things will calm down, but for now everything is going to be hard…but your gonna be there for her and the kids. Talk to your niece and ask her how shes feeling…let her know ur there to listen if she needs it. Remind her you know how hard it is and you will talk anytime she wants. Remind her that it’s not her moms fault dad left. Dad is a grown up and sometimes bad decisions are made, and dad made a bad decision…but that doesnt mean she isnt loved. Remind the child her mother did nothing to hurt her and her mother is very sad and angry and hurting too…
If you dont want to have her back, then stay out of it.
Those are your options really.
What happened with the house?? Did she get half if he sold it. She needs to file for child support and anything else she can get her hands on. He did he crap she should give as she gets…
Say “take him to court for child support, it’s his job to still be their father”
Ooof! I’d be filing for everything! Child support, spousal support, the whole house and half of any other assets. Screw that pos.
It isn’t your business honestly so stay out of it unless your just lending a shoulder to cry on. Just because you go after someone for child support doesn’t mean they’re gonna pay it.
She needs 2 do what needs 2 b done 2 support those kids. Married 17 years? I was married 17 years(stil legally am) and I’ve been getting almost $700 a month in spousal support and we have no children 2gether. I worked my ass off and am legally entitled 2 this. R house was sold n money split evenly between us. She needs 1 wake up fast. Maybe she’s stil in shock? Or perhaps immobilized my hurt and fear?
She can file for state assistance. They usually will take care of the child support with it.
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Be straight to the point. Tell her to file for child support as it’s what is best for her kids. The kids also should probably get some individual counseling, as well as family counseling would benefit them all.
First off, the kid doesn’t really blame mom. Moms just the only one (besides herself) that she can punish for dads actions.
Second, its the children’s right to be at least financially supported by their parents. Its a child’s right and a parents obligation. Its not about being nice or moving on its just the right thing to do.