How to get a nine-year-old daughter who claims she doesn’t care about anything, including taking toys away, time outs, completely cleaning out her room, so she doesn’t have anything besides necessities, getting hollered at…etc. She will sit there with the 'I don’t care" attitude, and nothing phases her. How do I get her to care about her hygiene (she showers when told, but sometimes I don’t think she truly washes real good)and how she matches(most the time) for school?
Her “I don’t care” attitude may seem like rebellion but it’s most likely depression, anxiety or just plain defeat. She’s probably going through something emotional, but you’ll never know and only keep drifting farther from her because you’re “punishing” her instead of trying to support and connect with her. Sit down, let her know you’re there for her, let her open up and try being a mother instead of a drill sergeant before she turns 18 and cuts contact forever!
She needs a therapist asap. Very concerning at her age.
Bathing is a battle worth fighting, but her choice of outfits is not…as long as boobs and butt are covered.
I’m going through something similar with my 9 year old, but its extra delicate because she’s a foster child, so parenting and punishing trauma kids is so much more complex! We have a marble jar with rewards that she can redeem for fun experiences like screen time or right now we are at a McDonalds playland.
Stick with punishment and she’ll eventually care!!
Don’t react to her mouth or attitude. She’s setting you off on purpose.
I’m in this phase right now too. Just hang in there. Pick your battles. As long as she is clean and healthy let her wear what she wants (within reason) if she has a bad attitude ignore it the best you can. She wants attention then she needs to act right. She wants a reaction. Don’t give it to her. Good luck.
That’s a good thing. Material things don’t matter. Maybe try to talk to her and form a relationship based on feelings and listen to her
Take everything away. She doesn’t care right?
I’d take her to see a therapist or at least talk to her pediatrician. When I was that age I was suicidal, seems young but I was being bullied and my parents knew. Didn’t know how bad it had gotten.
It could also very much just be a phase, some kids just don’t care about looks. As long as the clothing is appropriate for the weather and school policy then that’s a pick your battles moment.
A lot of kids go through the bad hygiene phase too.
Unless these things are super out if the normal for her I wouldn’t worry but never hurts to run it past her pediatrician for suggestions.
Sounds like depression
Is she left with other carers?
Look at who she’s spending time with away from you.
Could she have been abused? Bullied?
Make this a priority to investigate today.
It sounds like she is beginning to test her boundaries and assert her independence, both are perfectly normal. As she ages, these issues with take care of themselves. If someone tells her she stinks or says something about how she is dressed, she will self correct. As much as some parents want to protect their kids, this is how they learn and no amount of talking from your end will be as effective as experience. You need to allow kids to learn to navigate on their own a bit. Unless it is something truly offensive, let her learn.
So she seems to have given up on everything. It may be something going on at school, might be she’s suffering abuse at the hand of another family member that you don’t know of. Sometimes children/teens that are being sexually abused stop taking care of themselves and give up on hygiene in the hopes it repels their abusers. Hopefully it’s not sexual abuse but you really need to get her to a safe space and have a good one on one with her or to talk to a professional mental health professional.
Let her stink. The other kids will let her know.
She’s most likely going through something. Talk to her instead of punishing her for her attitude. Be there for her.
It’s her age. Her body and hormones may be getting ready for puberty and she isn’t sure how to handle it. Has there been any drastic changes in your guys lives? That could also be affecting her attitude
Get her in with a councilor that can work with her on healthy ways to express her self and her emotions. She probably has things going on she doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you about. She’s either scared to get in trouble or you won’t take her seriously and judge her. Just talk with her like she’s person who’s going through something not a misbehaving child. Kids are no different then adults we just seem to always hold them at higher standards then we seem to hold ourselves.
Instead of punishing your child maybe you should actually talk to her with no attitude. She got
Problem even if you don’t think they are real problems they are to her. If you don’t want to send her to a actual therapist one that will talk to her not
Just prescribe her pills to take
My youngest suffers the same she is 12. Very active in therapy and on depression meds. She is ADHD extreme and being tested for autism. The attitude is a struggle but we hug. I encourage hot relaxing baths, journals, family game night, and lots of hugs! Taking away their things, isolating them more makes things worse. Saying a prayer for you❤