When you figure it out let me know. The only time my 13 years old listens is to tell me why I am wrong. I hear it gets better about 24
I raised 2 girls as a single parent so I hear you, it is difficult if a child is acting up. Please try to not shout though. The old saying of children following your example not what you tell them is 110% true. You will end up with a child / grown-up who shouts and yells. It clearly isn’t working anyway. So as frustrating as it my be, you will have to try something different and unfortunately it is a trial and error thing. With my one girl I just had to have a sit down and a soft discussion. The other one needed a bit of reverse psychology and LOADS of attention. They are now 25 and 23 respectively and nothing has changed . Communication, lots of attention, routine and discipline are key though. Especially if you want to survive the teenage years. All of the best. Children don’t come with manuals so don’t be hard on yourself either xxx
Do not permit this to go on any longer, it only gets more difficult. Go as far as you have to to gain control. Take away everything she values, and return items when she behaves in an appropriate manner. Never yell again. When she doesn’t listen, take privileges and beloved items away. I recommend the Love and Logic system, but any positive behavior reinforcement works.
It sucks but it’s normal. Sometimes I yell a lot, too (you know, we are just human). But consequences are the best way to go (no screen time, no toys). It will get better and you are doing great, mom!
My 9 and 11 year old girls have selective hearing. I hear it doesn’t get better. Seriously though, yelling doesn’t get you anywhere and will cause more harm than good. My kids get things they value, taken away when I have to ask them to do something more than once.
The biggest thing you need to have is consistency. If you say that she cannot touch the remote then she cannot touch the remote. Don’t say that she can’t touch it Monday Tuesday and Wednesday and then give it on Thursday. You have to stand strong with everything that you say because right now the reason she isn’t listening is because she’s testing limits which usually means that you haven’t been consistent so she keeps trying to see what she can and cannot get away with. If you are consistent at all times then she already knows what she can’t get away with. For now start using punishments that will mean something to her if she’s obsessed with a certain doll and take that certain doll away. Stop play dates, etc whatever means the most to her as a punishment. Basically you need to put your foot down and prove that you are consistent and that you are in charge. Until you are willing to do that then I don’t think much will change. Also when she is done with her punishment make sure that you have conversations about what she did was wrong and why it was wrong and how it impacts others. I hate when people just say “because I said so” I personally feel like it’s better to teach our kids why they are being punished and how it hurts others
My son is also 6. When my child starts to act out like this, I start to pay attention to the things that have been going on. Have I been busier than usual? Is something going on at school? Etc. If I can’t figure it out, I ask him at bedtime after stories. That’s usually when I get an honest response from him. I don’t ask “why haven’t you been listening?” I ask “is everything okay? Or is something bothering you?” And sure enough, he tells me. Example: last summer he was acting like a hell child. I had no idea what was going on! For 2 weeks it was like having a whole different child. I asked him at bed time and that’s when he told me he was being bullied at day camp. So there was my answer. I tried to talk to the director but was getting nowhere. So i put hin in a different day camp and he didn’t act like had been for the rest of the summer.
I don’t know if this would work with all children. My son and I have always communicated well with each other and he has never been one to hide his feelings. Not all children are the same! I wish you the best of luck.
my opinion: explain that you (and she) deserve respect and part of that is listening to each other, that my be all it takes, if that doesn’t fix it suspend her from something she loves, tv? electronic device? favorite hobby/toy?, sports?, whatever. don’t return the privilege (cause that’s what all of those are) until she corrects her behavior. good luck
Read “how to talk so your kids listen”. Be sympathetic “I know you really want to play but first you need to clean and then you can play” if they don’t listen then you should suggest helping them clean “ok I’ll help you, let’s clean up!” (But mostly pretend of clean, let them do it). If that still doesn’t work then you do punishments, “i really don’t want to take away your game, but if you don’t listen and clean then that’s the decision you made”. Then you have to take it away for whatever time and don’t back down. That was their decision not to listen.
Also I just read the others comments. No one likes to be stopped in the middle of doing something. Have a schedule!! When she is done with the required work she gets play time. Give her $1 every day she does her chores and she can save to go buy something etc. But sounds like this started a long time ago.
We started to ground favorite toys and put them up so the kids could SEE them, but not touch them. It was so much better then putting them in time out. And we did not start the timer until they stopped crying about it
Have you tried reconnecting with her? Work on building a more positive and loving relationship. It’ll help motivate her to want to listen and give her the attention she is asking for.
First off. Stop yelling. Have her on a schedule so she knows what is expecting of her. Don’t just out the blue have her stop something ‘on command’. Also reward her. Use stickers, candy whatever and don’t be too demanding and have play time. But have a routine she is used to.
Umm really? Well my mom spoke once and if I didn’t listen she moved and a swat to my ass came. Kids these days are quick learners. Try putting down your phone and do less talking and more action. I bet she will move when she knows you will get up and swat her ass.
As much as I hate it we put our kids in the corner if they get really out of hand. We ground them from their electronics too.
What ever you decide is your course of action, please, please, please stay consistent and don’t threaten with out follow through.
My five year old was similar. They are people now too. They have their own thought and agendas and sometimes forget to listen. My daughter lives in imaginary world sometimes and it take a time or two saying something to her and if she doesn’t listen I remind her to come back to real life and we have to clean up now and then we can continue our fun imaginary or not in a new area. Consequences and loss of stuff if still continues. But just realizing they are people now and not just babies who go with what we say and do.
I went through the same thing last year with my seven year old he was going threw alot at school and taking it out at me at home yelling does not work but I simply treated him the way he treated me and reminded him this is the way you treat me I will do the same until ypu change your ways and best believe were closer than ever irs definitely a phase but its something has to give to get out of there ways
Get eye level- look her eyes and use your mean strong voice and take authority- remember yu are the mother- take away what ever she loves - don’t let your daughter control you. Think how she will be at 13yrs.
She testing her boundaries, finding her voice. You’ll go through bouts of this.
Try talking to her and asking what she needs from you.
And tell her what you need from her.
There is so much going on they are going to act out. And sometimes remember you’re her only outlet. She knows you’ll love her regardless.
I tried taking everything away. I did for months at a clip.
He had to take his toys personally to Good Will when he was really bad.
If it’s blatant disrespect/pure meanness definitely a punishment.
They worked for the big things but the constant I had to open up to him about needing his help.
If you see she’s on edge try to get on her level. We expect our kids to just do everything we tell them. That’s not always the case. They a people too.
I have a very open, honest 13 year old who talks to me. He can be a real jerk somedays and I have to stop and ask myself what’s in his head?!
I don’t have a clue. Some days he just wants to disappear from all the craziness and play games. He tunes out everything but he’s happy while doing it. It’s his break from the world. I didn’t know being honest with him would in turn make him as open and honest as he turned out. It worked