How can I get my defiant 8 year old to listen?

My eight-year-old daughter goes to a private school and is very defiant and disrespectful. She can go a couple of months and be great. Then all of a sudden, her attitude is horrible. We have grounded her and taken all of her electronics away. Nothing. We have tried sitting her down and talking to her about what she is doing wrong, and she says she will be better tomorrow. The next day comes around, and she is still defiant. We have also tried telling her if she is good, we will reward her with something. She just doesn’t care. We are at a loss on what to do. She is at risk of getting kicked out of her school, and we really don’t want that. It’s a very good school. I asked her teacher if she is having issues with any kids, and she said no. She has her friend she always hangs out with, and they get along great. So I don’t know what’s going on. Is there any other way to get thru to her? Or what else could be wrong? She goes to sleep at 9 pm every night and her teacher says she dont seem tired at all. She just always back talks and doesn’t listen. She got sent to the principal’s office and went back to class to go right back to the same attitude. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

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Maybe she has ODD…

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Sometimes attitude can come from not wanting to ask for help?
Have u seen a behavioural optometrist? Did wonders for my sister and my son.
My sons the opposite goes so quiet when doing work trying to figure it out he falls under the radar. But most of the time kids act out when it’s a bit hard.

Find a therapist ASAP
Talk to your child’s Dr about this! Seek some real help!

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Why would you reward her for being good?

Have you tried counseling? That helped me as a child.

Maybe she don’t like her school

https://psychology-tools.com/vadrs-vanderbilt-adhd-diagnostic-rating-scale/ this isn’t going to tell you for sure or not, but take this test and see if it checks any boxes. Definitely seek out some type of intervention. Start with your pediatrician.

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She is trying to relay a message to you. Kids act out when they struggle to communicate. I would see a paediatrician and have her assessed

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In the same boat with my 8 year old son and I tried everything. Only thing thats different is hes wonderful at school. But yells at me im at a point I dont know what to do either. Just following

Get her to see a psych or doctor. Kids dont just act out for no reason. Punishing the behaviour may have the opposite effect. (but never reward of course). You need to find out the cause. Also keep in mind, girls are moody during puberty. Puberty can start around 8. You need to guide her through these emotions.

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All I can think is the kids she’s mixing with!?

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I’m in same boat with my son he is 8 almost 9 he is defient behavior problems he is good at school just at home and he is ADHD with developmental delay I am getting him more help

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Therapist or go to the Dr and they can refer her to one. My daughter went through this too. It could be a mood disorder or many other things. Not saying it is but either way it will help her to talk to someone who is not u. She may be more open w that person. Make sure the therapist is someone she feels comfortable with. Maybe a female. We went to three before she found on she was comfortable with. My daughter liked the younger lady. Therapist would take her shoes off and get up on the couch w her and talk. Very comfortable setting.

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Some good old fashion Discipline, set and stick to a routine, stop rewarding good behavior (just praise it verbally), kids these days seem to be like this more, because of all the processed crap they are fed and how much. Cut out ALL sugar. Do not Allow that behavior… Your the parent… if you need, strip the bedroom to the mattress on the floor and pillow and blanket. When she finally gets it (not in a week, but longer because habits are hard to break and they can act better to get what they want) start slowly let her EARN things back. But start with educational things like 1 book. Remember things are earned not given

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She could be premenstrual it’s not uncommon for a girl to experience attitude problems for a couple of years before actually meeting flo

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She sounds miserable and bored. If you are grounding her and taking away electronics she’s just going to become even more miserable. You talked to her teacher but haven’t talked to her?! The only chat you’ve had is to tell her she’s bad and needs to change. It could also be female ADHD or ASD as it can start to show at this age. It could also be hormones kicking in.

Child psychologist ?

I had a give my daughter malatodine just to get her on a sleep sceduel and sit then in time , put them in the corner that’s what my dad use to do they hate having look at walls

Sounds like my kiddo when he was in kindergarten, sadly it was more the teacher than anything. When she talked to me everything was just fine she didn’t understand why he acted like that. Took him to a counselor, tried all kinds of things. After trying everything and the school saying they were helping me in every way possible (and were not!) My son was kicked out of school 10 days before the end of the year. Then I was told my son BEAT the teacher. A 6 year old?! When I was finding things out and adding things together his counselor said every time she tried to call the school they either didn’t have time or would say he needs medication! We started a new school, I did a one on one with the new teacher and the principal and an aid. I explained everything that happened and we had a game plan. First couple months were rough (he was set in ways from the last school, letting him run free and not knowing where he was all day) the next couple we were seeing major changes and making full weeks with no calls home. Just as things were really looking up covid hit.

I’m just saying is how is the teacher reacting to her outbursts and attitude?! Sometimes it can be made worse by the way the talk and react to a child that is having a bad day for whatever reason.

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