How can I get my stepkids to respect their father?

I am a stepmom of 3 young ladies. I have been in their lives for eight years. Their biological mother walked out of their lives on Christmas Eve for one year and has never looked back. I have tried and tried to be close to them. And at times, they are loving, but it usually only seems to be when I am doing something for them, letting them go somewhere or buying them something. The oldest has turned 18 this past October and since has had no respect at all for her father. She posts live videos, cussing, smoking, and blatantly disrespecting her father. She recently got a car and now comes and goes as she pleases. She sleeps, eats, school, and work. Never cooks or cleans, not even her own things. I tried talking to her about it, but she just doesn’t care. She acts like a pure thug, and it breaks her father’s heart. The shame is, of course, it’s his daughter, so I look like the wicked stepmom from hell when I try to enforce the rules in the house. I am at the end of my rope. She should graduate this year, but I don’t know what to do from here. How do I get her father to see that her behavior is not acceptable? She constantly says, “I’m a grown-ass woman, I’m 18, and I will do what I want to do. ,No one can’t tell me nothing!” Please help.

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She’s living in your house and not paying bills she is not even close to grown. Make her listen or move out

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Shes a grown ass woman? Then she can get her grown ass self out of your house and pay her own grown ass woman bills and rent. Your husband needs to open his eyes. She can stay if she abides by your rules, it’s your house after all, or she can get to stepping. As she said, she 18. Shes responsible for herself. Good luck, momma.

Well if she wants to act grown and keeps saying she’s 18 and can do ad she wants pack her stuff and tell her you live under your dad and my roof you’ll do as told or get out… sorry not sorry

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If shes a “grown woman and will do what she wants” then tell her to get a job and get out. If she cant abide by your rules then she can make her own on her own. If the car is in her dads name I would take that too.

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Of age, no respect, get out…

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I’m sorry but thats when you tell her since she is a grown ass woman and do whatever she wants then get out and support yourself and take care of your own bills and everything else! Make her pay rent and ect…

If she wants to act like that make her pay rent if she wants to act like that. And grown women clean up after themselves .

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Well if she’s so grown she needs to get a damn job or move out since she’s knows it all

If she’s 18, in school, and working… that doesn’t leave a ton time for cooking/cleaning … I’m js … yall seem to forget when yall was teenagers …

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Tell her since she’s a grown ass woman she can move out. That’s what I would do if I was getting disrespected.🤷

How did she get a car? Phone? If she wants to disrespect and ignore the rules she can do elsewhere. If her dad is going to allow it there’s nothing you can do. Leave i guess is a Choice.

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Kick her ass out. Weve done it with our kids. Not sorry… disrespectful think she can do whatever. She needs get out… grass not greener on other side!! If car in dads name take it back!!

Since shes working I’d start charging rent for sure. If you guys pay cell phone, gas, insurance, whatever, then stop, like yesterday! Make sure you’re not cleaning up after her or doing laundry. You find messes, toss them into her room. I wouldn’t stand for that crap. She needs to learn a hard knock. Dad needs to realize he’s doing her no favors by allowing this. I hate when kids think they are grown because of an 18th birthday. You know what you’re old enough for? Jail. That’s it.

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If she’s so grown up, tell her to get her own place. That’ll shut her up. Tbf I was similar at that age, and that was because I had a lot of mental health issues. I was always drinking and started smoking. If her mum left she’s probably feeling abandoned and god knows what else. Maybe try a counsellor? X

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When she graduates throw her ass out… if she’s a grown as woman she can take care of herself…

Did you buy the car? Take the keys. Do you pay phone or WiFi also take it away. She doesn’t want to clean her own things? Leave them dirty. She wants to play adult let her.

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tell her, my house, my rules. don’t like it, get out and see who your real friends are. She wants to act that way, show her who the boss it. yes, I know your a step parent, but that shouldn’t matter after 8 years. you raised them, your their mom now. you got to show them that you won’t take care of someone with no respect. give her a certain amount of time and if she can’t find a job, to help pay for what she uses, she’s out the door. and enforce it.

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I’d start with taking things away, do you guys pay her bills? Car ? Insurance ? Phone ? Did you buy the car ? I’d take it all away. And I’d also tell her to get out of the house if she is so grown she could handle it on her own right.

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Sounds like they have a lot of unresolved emotional trauma. It affects anyone…but especially pre and puberty age teens a lot differently. Maybe a therapeutic approach would benefit them. The trauma of a parent stepping out is incredibly hard. I deal with it with my own daughter.