My fiance and I have been together for almost four years. When we first got together, we would go into a store in our town, and this girl would always stare us down. I mentioned it to him, and he originally told me that she was just obsessed with him. I just let that go. Well, this girl is one of his best friend’s fiancees. I didn’t want anything to do with it at first. But he and his friend started hanging out again, and I ended up becoming friends with her with caution. She never overstepped or was flirty or anything with him. Well, a little while after that, I ended up finding out he had lied to me about her just being obsessed and found out that they had sex before we got together. It really hurt me to find this out. Had I known from the get-go, I would’ve never become friends with her. Fast forward to now, we are all still friends. We hang out often. I’ve put the fact that they had sex behind me because we all have a past, and I don’t want to cause problems with his friendship with his best friend. However, the fact that he lied to me still eats away at me. I just don’t understand why he lied and the best he can give me is that he doesn’t know why he did. I question what he tells me and find it hard to believe him sometimes. I just don’t know what to do. He’s a great man and treats me like a princess. I don’t believe he would cheat on me or lie to me (again), but a part of me fears these things and it all stems from that one lie. I guess my question is how do I get over that lie? How do I stop it from eating away at me? Any advice would be appreciated.
It will come with time. Be sure you can get over it and don’t stay if you can’t. It’ll eat you alive.
Yeah the lying part isn’t cool. But he may of been worried you’d be worried? I like that you’ve let it go. You should. But yeah the lying part. I have no advice since I’m torn I guess lol.
I guess you might should think about what you would have done if the roles were reversed. I probably would have lied too, especially it being a new relationship.
I get where you’re coming from- I hate being lied to no matter how small the lie is. But also from his perspective y’all were in a new relationship and he may have been uncomfortable disclosing who all he’d slept with. In that situation I probably would’ve lied too and if I was in your situation I would just let it go.
It was before you, if he has done nothing else, give him this one.
Yup. I understand why he lied if this is how you are about it. Unless they have sti’s or the person is acting crazy their past isn’t your right to know, it’s a privilege.
Let it go and move on. The good obviously out weighs the bad. Don’t ruin a good thing over one mistake. People aren’t perfect and ull be disappointed every time if u expect them to be. Forgive him and move on.
Do you tell him every single person you have slept with?
Men lie thinking it will save a woman’s feelings. In reality it just hurts more when finding out the truths and fills thoughts with all the what ifs.
What would have been your reaction at the time? Would you have blown up on him or made a huge deal of it? Maybe he was trying to avoid that. If so, think about how you could improve your communication so you can discuss things calmly (wait until you’ve cooled off, take a walk, deep breaths, reframe). Maybe ask him if he was afraid of your reaction. “I don’t know” usually means “I don’t want to deal with your yelling at me or rehashing this endlessly.”
He lied because this is how you react. It was prior to you…in the past! Be thankful you are treated so good. Let it gooooo
It’s understandable to be hurt and unsure. But if you made the decision to let it go then let go. And if you can’t let it go then there’s where the issue lays.
My question would more be on why was she staring you down if she is engaged to one of his best friends?
Men lie when they’re scared.
Everyone’s got a past. Lying isn’t okay though.
I don’t think it’s that bad. He probably took the wuss way out and didn’t want to be like oh yeah we boned! It was just easier to be lazy about it. It was before you and plus he likes you!
Does the best friend know they slept together?
Everyone has a past, probably more worried about his friend finding out at that point so if he treats you right, let his past go
It doesn’t sound to me like he actually lied to you, just that he gave you a shorter, less likely to cause trouble version of the truth (possibly. She may not have ever been obsessed with him. He may have seen it that way though which would make it his truth). Still the truth, just different wording. When you’re just starting out, bringing up past lovers isn’t the smartest idea, nor is it necessary… It sounds to me like he thought at that point that there was no real reason for you to know they slept together. You have to choose to love him here - And that means actually forgiving what felt like a lie to you, and moving on.
You haven’t forgiven someone if you keep thinking about it/keep letting it effect the relationship.