I’ve finally taken a massive step in my life and have removed myself from the unhealthy, toxic situation that is my biological family. I was adopted and made a choice to move across the country to work for my biological family in their family-owned store to have a relationship with them and my twins to have a relationship with them. But, it has been a nightmare for the last six years. My feelings are always dismissed, but my biological brother can never do wrong. I was overworked and severely underpaid compared to my brother. My twins would never see them unless I brought them to the shop and it was a hassle for me even to get a day off to spend with my twins without being shamed for even asking for the time, but my brother takes trips all the time because he has no kids and is still young. He is in college and looking into leaving the family business, and my family is so supportive, but I took a much higher paying job that I really enjoy, and I am told over and over again that I am being selfish and making a huge mistake. I don’t hear from them anymore, but I have had awful dreams where I’m fighting to be happy, and they’re telling me I’m making a huge mistake, and what I had was the best I’ll ever get. How does one deal with feeling bad for cutting ties with family when they’re toxic? My feelings are all over the place because I want to have the family I never had, but I don’t want to be stuck in a job I hate with a family who treats me like dirt…
You were put out for adoption, where is that family, they took you in, raised you, and I presume gave you love and comfort, your biological family are users, they did not want you in the first place, and now you are of the age to support yourself, you are their slave, cut the tie, look after your twins, if the adoptive family are still around try and be part of that family, if for whatever reason that is not possible, make your own family with your twins, you do not need to be surrounded by “Family members”, in many towns or villages the community helps and serves as “family”, be strong for yourself and your twins, home is where you make it, where your heart will be with your children, in peace and a loving family,
I think you answered your own question.
Stop thinking about it you did the right thing. Get on with having a spectacular life with your children and the people who DO VALUE YOU!!!
You came there looking for family and I think you can clearly see your not going to get it from them. My advice cut the ties it hurts but it feels better emotionally in time and not only that it keeps your children from seeing and feeling those toxic behaviors. I’d focus on my babies and move forward thats all you really need. Your children will love you unconditionally always thats the best support you will ever have or need.
Girl same! I feel this in my soul. I’m following for some advice of my own.
You being adopted was the blessing in disguise. Make your own family, raise your children the way you should have been raised. Let this make you better.
I think you just need someone to tell you you made the right decision so listen carefully, YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION!!! you have one life and you need to live your best life for you and your kids. Walk away from these toxic bunch of people without a thought or backward glance and go live your best life xx
It is okay to cut off toxic family. I still think about mine, but I know I am better without them.
Idk how long ago u did this this but I think hasnt been a long time? Those feelings will pass… Who can say when… Keep sharing… get helo if u cant seem to move on… In my thinking its a little complex why u feel way u do… but its understandable for sure… hang in there girl.,
This family adopted you out for whatever reasons, dont feel guilty. These are not your people hun.
Cut the cord!! You don’t need them in your life! #walkaway
I have read all the comments they are all right.i know u want a family so bad u will put up with their bullshit just to have it . stop it u have your own family.good luck and God bless.
Create the family u have always wanted with ur kids. Ur bio family r the ones who made a huge mistake. U aren’t missing out, they r. U do not need the affirmation of others to be happy, not even family. DNA does not make u family
Accept it all. You took responsibility for your role and got out of the situation. Now learn from it and soar.
A simple question to ask yourself is, “Do you want to have your twins feel this way when they grow up?” Your family won’t change. It won’t get better. You and your kids deserve better. Keep them from that. You’re being a great mom by showing them how to set boundaries.
We had to do it with several family members on both sides. Toxic is toxic!!! I have never felt bad. My marriage & the health of my family and 3 kids are more important. They come first!!! NO GUILT!!!
Sometimes I feel guilty for cutting out my mother, but toxic is toxic. I just remind myself this is the same woman who missed a graduation to take a trip overseas, the same woman who never supported me or came to a sporting event, band concert, choral concert bc it didn’t interest her. The same woman who tried to sue me for money bc she thinks I make a bunch of it. The same woman who blames everyone else for her problems and has never looked out for anyone but herself. The list goes on and on, but that’s what I have to do. I have to remind myself of all the reasons I cut her out in the first place.
stand up for yourself to them to their faces!!! sounds like you’re an “easy target” for them…maybe without them even really realizing it…not sure but thinking that u don’t speak up for yourself… i feel like once they realize that they just can’t keep taking jabs at u without u “defending” yourself that they will think twice about it
It’s ok to allow your self to look out for you and your family, your only responsibilities is for yourself and your children, your not going to be able to keep everyone happy, what about your adoptive family are they there for you?
Life is very short I say do what makes you happy but please make sure your doing it for the right reasons. I would speak to a church counselor because it’s better to know the whole story not just yours. I never like to give advice unless I know the whole story. You haven’t healed from what hurt you because you keep running from the pain . Sometimes you have to sit down and talk with someone who can help you get to the root of the problem, because all I’m reading is your very jealous of your brother . How your parents treat him is on them. Your taking your anger out on other people. The saying goes if you don’t heal old wounds you will bleed on everyone.