How can I get over how my ex treated me?

How do I not be completely upset with that fact that my children’s father abused me, got two children out of me, cheated on me and left us…moved onto someone young, single with no kids, a good job…and because I’m here raising them, it’s been hard to get a great job, and get my college education. We were high school sweethearts. When my second was very young, he walked out after a traumatic few years with his alcoholism. See, I’m doing okay, but I struggle so much. I don’t have babysitters or people who have helped me get where I am today. I’ve always had to work, and pretty well do it alone with a tiny bit of help from my family. I finally just started receiving child support for our children, but to me, after not having it for six years, $375 a month doesn’t make me happy. It wasn’t just a lack of money. It was lack of everything, including a relationship with his kids…just so he could selfishly he happy with his friends and alcohol. I’ve been a good mom, tried my best to be a better mom every day regardless of our financial struggles. Why do the bad guys always come first? The things I’ve gone through, continue to go through because of him, or my choice to have children with him…it seems unfair. And while I know life is unfair…to see him thriving, while I’m struggling and trying to strive (I slowly am) I have a nice house, a nice car, two beautiful kids, I’m single still…it just hurt to find out he’s now buying a house, they’re talking about marriage (mind you this is the girl he was cheating with) on top of his great job he landed a few years ago. Even had landed that job, he never helped financially. I just don’t get how people can be so cruel. I always tell myself my good karma is coming, as long as I keep pushing. We have a decent co-parenting relationship. Other than the fact he’s in my email hitting on me once a month when he and his woman argue. I want to meet someone too, but it seems men don’t want a woman with two kids who are struggling. I’m clearly not ready by how I’m sounding, I know, but I don’t know. I just wish I could be up where he is. I hold so much of a grudge. I always see bad people getting the upper hand while good people suffer?

45 Likes

Be happy he walked out on you so you dont have to deal with him anymore. It wont be hard forever!

5 Likes

You just do what you have to do to show the kids that mommy can do it alone. And show them what a strong woman you are. Anything else is irrlevant and at the end when theyre going off to live on their own… Theyll know mommy did it all.

1 Like

He’s NOT thriving lmao. Don’t let yourself believe that because it is NOT true! He is missing out and wasting his life on things that are not important. While you,you get your kids and you’re doing ok, and it’ll only get better. There’s only up from here. Be happy to be out of that situation and away from him and out of his control. Live your life for you and your kids now. Fuck him. At the end of the day YOU won. He might look like he is happy but he isn’t. And it’ll all come crashing down eventually with the choices he is making. They aren’t real, they aren’t what matters they are a mask and fake. Just change the way you think of it. You are better without him, you don’t need him and he isn’t your problem anymore. Let him be with his friends and alcohol while you enjoy your babies and your life without him. He is missing out, not you. He lost something, you didn’t.

First of all, under whose perspective, is that considered thriving? Is he really thriving? I doubt it. The same way how he cheated on you with her he’ll eventually do it to her. And by then you’ll be happy, already have moved on. Message me if you would like to talk :slightly_smiling_face:

6 Likes

Umm, he was ur decision and the kids was your decision. Now be a grown woman and stop being jealous. If he has such a great job, go back to court and get more money. Why didnt u apply in2017 for CS. And if u did, he will have to back pay. U r the cause of ur own misery, let go and live ur life and stop comparing ur life to his. If the kids are a burden which u make it out to be. Give them to him and have ur visitation and then u will be able to live ur life.

8 Likes

You need to talk to a therapist. It will help you so much to talk to someone who can help you work through your feelings and someone who can listen to you. Holding a grudge is only hurting you, not him. He could care less if you are happy in your life or not. Stop giving him your power.

1 Like

God has our life’s planed out already! Your struggles are your greatest blessings you might not see it now but you will in time! Been there with you! Still am maybe not so much as where you’re at but the struggles we face are for a reason. Enjoy, life with your children ficys on you all& not on your past so much! God bless you & may God guide you to stay stronger to see the blessings you have are far more greater than how you might feel now!

I have lived this… My ex husband cheated constantly, and eventually got his now wife pregnant. Of course that was the last straw for me, and i kicked him out. They moved in together, and “had it all” while i struggled to raise our kids and licked my wounds. This was almost 10 years ago… He is still an in and out father and doesn’t pay child support, but eventually it does get easier. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing what is best for your babies. Try not to focus on comparing your life/happiness to theirs or anyone else’s. You will be happy again, in due time. Best of luck to you :heart:

3 Likes

Hon you didn’t loose anything when he walked out. Count your blessings, love and cherish your children. They grow up so fast. Get involved in one of your church’s. They stick by single mother’s… and you may meet a good man that will appreciate you. God bless you and your family.

1 Like

First 7 years after I left my ex he was very absent barely got any support from him or his family (even after relocating for work and moving blocks from their home) he had many relationships during that time remarried atlesst once, engaged i think 4 different times, now he seems somewhat… stable … in a relationship w a woman who had 2 kids they now have one together I’ve been getting child support payments etc. And you know what- I still dont like him. Yes I was married to him but the last few months of being together to now he hurt me time and time again where no matter what I just dont like him.
I try not to talk bad about him w kids around but that doesn’t mean I sugar coat it.
Go ahead be jealous, hate him BUT dont let your kids see. Then get over him and dont let him drag you down.
BE THE BIGGER PERSON. And let him go, let go of the hate jealousy and move on.

1 Like

This guy sounds a lot like my ex. The grass is always greener on the other side with them. Never worry about what he’s doing. Always know that your children see what you do. It’s their opinion that is more important. Your ex will never be happy. Because nothing is ever enough for him. No matter what. So ignore him. When the right man comes along he will love your children like they are his own. He will find a way to spend time with you that includes them because he will know that they are an extension of you. So be patient. He’s out there. Just know that and ignore everything else. It’s all drama anyway and you’re too busy for all that B.S.

1 Like

You just have to remember tha anything worth having is worth fighting for. Yes those bad people may have it easy, but chances are good they dont have a "great’ life, as they lack LOVE, bonds, empathy, and really what kind of life is worth having if you dont have those basics.

I know its hard, but let the bitterness go, & truly see what a gift he gave you by letting you have your kids to yourself…Honestly thats all my family prays for with my grandsons deadbeat dad. But no, he sits on his throne, looking down at my single-mother daughter & his own child struggling & just causes MORE problems for them…

It could always be worse, so just be grateful for God knows your struggle & he will always make a way~ God Bless~

2 Likes

It takes time… men don’t care about kids or the struggle, but they do want someone that is emotionally available. You need to take time to make yourself happy before trying to find another relationship. Life isn’t fair and I went through something similar with my ex husband, but at the end of the day, I always make sure my babies are taken care of, with or without him. You may not ever understand why he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, but its probably a blessing in disguise and you deserve better.

2 Likes

You keep doing what your doing don’t go looking at what he’s doing ! You are a single parent doing her best and that’s what the kids will remember as there older , and as for the money if you don’t want it stick it in an account for the children are older. They say it takes you at least half of the time of the relationship to get over it ! So be patient and calm karma is good and will get him:) remember once a cheat always a cheater

1 Like

karma will eventually get him…

1 Like

I bet hes not as happy as he seems lol he is making it look that way just to get to you but itll be ok it just takes time you’re doing amazing :heart:

4 Likes

I’m going through almost the same fucking thing and it’s absolutely bullshit. Sometimes it helps to just say fuck him, it’s his lose. Or at least day dream about hurting him :joy::sob::sob::sob:.

You won. You have the kids with you, while he will never have a good relationship with them.

4 Likes

Be happy you’re not the woman he’s cheating on anymore. They may seem to be getting it all but clearly he still sucks as a boyfriend or he wouldn’t be hitting on you. Get over him and move on. That’s when you’ll find your happiness.

5 Likes