"I have a three-year-old daughter with my baby’s dad; I left him about nine months ago. After I left him, he got married to a 35-year-old female, and he’s 24 now. She lives in California, so he goes and comes whenever he wants…
At times, I miss him, but I can’t ever forgive him for basically not marrying me… when we were together for six years … how do I move on?
He doesn’t ask for our baby. Or even ask if she needs anything… he only comes around when he wants to be a dad… I did take him back what? 2 months ago to try it out… again… but yet I come to find out he’s still married to her, and things just weren’t the same. How do I move on?"
RELATED QUESTION: I can’t get over my ex: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Stop being a doormat. He is just using you. Get some self-respect and move on.”
“Personally … walk away and take control of the relationship. Don’t allow him to be ‘a convenience dad’… that will never end well for your child. Make him know he’s in or out, but there’s no middle in a parenting sense.”
“‘One of the hardest things to go through is mourning the loss of someone who is still alive.’ -Unknown (My mom said this to me during a break up). Take it day by day and remind yourself that your child deserves a happy mom. Remind yourself why he isn’t the one. Remind yourself to love yourself more than he ever did. Find something you enjoy, even if it’s hanging at a friend’s place and gossiping. One day you will think less of him (if at all) and that’s when it will hit you, 'Hey I didn’t think of him and I had a good day. I’m healing!” You will be okay, more than okay! Hang in there, mama."
“Truth is if you love him it will take a long time to get over it. Take it day by day… it is one of the hardest things you can do.”
“Turn all your energy and attention towards your children. Just say it out loud if it helps. My children deserve my devoted attention and unconditional love because that’s what they give me. He only gives me heartache and discontent so I’m turning my back to the past (him) and I’m facing and looking forward w my children and I am going to be the mom they deserve. You will have to make a concentrated effort but I promise the love you give your children will give you so so much more in return.”
“You won’t move on until you’re ready. But keep this in your mind at all times, is it worth wasting your best years on a man who isn’t worth it. He’s playing his game, your the one who controls the field. The minute you say no more, he will try and crawl back. But remember your worth and carry on for your daughter and yourself. He isn’t going to change.”
“When I feel sad and overwhelmed I run. Release good endorphins and rechannel your energy. Worked for me.”
“One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Live your life for the child all will fall into place given time.”
“He will never be good for you or for any other woman either. Have you sorted out custody and co-parenting, access, etc? He needs an access timetable, only allowed access as is set out not turning up maybe, whenever… if ye have 50/50 then make him stick to that. Only talk about your child with him… you can be strong. Keep contact with your friends and family. Has he parents, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews who should maintain contact with your daughter? They might be more reliable than him. I can’t get how you finished with him, in months he had married some one else…you took him back again as a married man…to see if you could …do what…live with a man married to someone else… no-no-no. You were lucky you didn’t get married…how would you cope when he would be unfaithful to you like he’s been unfaithful to his wife… lucky escape. You deserve better than that… much better. Keep that in mind. You will find a man who will appreciate ye. Take up pram jogging. Good luck.”
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