I was with my ex for seven years, and we had two children together. I also have a son from a previous relationship before him. My son calls my ex dad and has never met his real father (his father’s choice). My ex and I split up nearly four years ago after I couldn’t deal with his verbal abuse anymore but remained friends for quite some time, and he was still super involved with our children. He visited them at least four times a week plus took all 3 of them every other weekend. I met my current boyfriend about a year after the split, and we have been dating ever since. For about four months into my relationship with him, my ex has become verbally abusive again and eventually stopped taking the kids or even contacting me to check upon them. He started saying things like “Have your new boyfriend do it” whenever I would tell him that our daughter or youngest son needed anything. He refuses to pay child support as well. I was stating that he will not pay me for a failed relationship. About a year ago, he contacted me and told me he wanted to tell our oldest that he wasn’t his real father and then, quite literally, fell off the face of the planet, and we didn’t hear from him again for nearly six months. So my son is now aware this he is not his real dad, and he took it well. But when my ex found out that I told him, he was pissed and started telling everyone that I was keeping the kids from him. I have all the proof of me trying to contact him with no response back. He saw the kids on Christmas after his mother contacted me and asked me if she could take them. He had them for about 4 hours before he dropped them back off at home. He then took them on January 9th and again, stopped seeing them and cut all contact from that point forward. His mother got ahold of me three weeks ago and asked if she could have the kids for the weekend. I said yes, of course. But she did not tell me that my ex was there. When she dropped the kids back off, she informed me that my youngest son, who is 3, was locked outdoors in the early hours of the morning, and she has no idea how long he had been out there. Apparently, when she found him, he was screaming and hyperventilating while banging on her front door. I guess he had slept in the camper with his father by the river and had gone outside to use the bathroom and couldn’t get back in. Upon hearing this, I became infuriated. Not only was my baby locked outside and scared, right beside a massive river where he could have drowned, but I was also pissed that I wasn’t even informed that my ex was there in the first place. Just so everyone is aware, I have no intention of keeping the kids from him. I just think that he should man up and contact me for the kids versus having his mom do it for him. What can I do about this? I don’t think that it is fair to the kids that he walks in and out of their lives with no repercussions because I don’t have the heart to tell him that it’s not healthy for the kids, but I am so heartbroken over the fact that I literally have to rock my children to sleep most nights because they are crying for a father that does not want them. I would like to have his rights terminated, but I have to think about how that will affect the kids. What can I do here? Keep in mind courthouses in my area will not be open until the end of September.
For the kids safely alone I would switch to supervised (by you or trusted person) visits and no more over nights. Its just not worth it and if he paints you as someone “who keeps his kids away from him” then you might as well dictate his visits (of any) in the way you see fit.
The courts may not open til September but I would be contacting a lawyer and see what you legally can do until then and start the whole process via lawyer for supervised visitation now.
You cannot terminate his rights but what you can do is get sole custody of your kids, you’ll have to go to court.
You would need his consent or be able to prove in court that he is abusive or neglectful to the children and that it dangerous for them to be around him
I agree with Vanessa Spurlock. But I would go a step farther and say no to him seeing the kids period. If he asks, then say no, and tell him, if he wants to see them, then take you to court. Yes, you will be saying no now, but your kids safety comes first. The incident with the 3 year old would have been the last straw
It also sounds like a control factor on his behalf.
I would definitely not trust him seeing them without supervision. That is definitely scary what happened to your son thank god he is ok! And the mom if she wants to see the kids in my opinion I would tell her to come visit them by your house (because of what happened) or maybe meet up with her somewhere? Until you go to court and straighten everything out. That was way too scary I wouldn’t trust them again.
If he’s not paying child support than that should be easy to take full custody.
First if his mother would like to seethe kids, I would tell her she is welcome to visit them at your home or under your supervision. Secondly, document EVERYTHING! And if the father wants to visit them, it needs to be supervised also. No overnights at all. In NC, where I live if a parent has no contact for 6 months you can file abandonment charges against them.
Unfortunately the only way to do that is if he does it willingly.
In most states after abandonment for so long before they will terminate
Oh my god absolutely not, tell him he will NOT be seeing his kids because of the fact your THREE year old was locked outside next to a fucking RIVER. Your kid could have DIED.
No. Don’t let him see those precious babies. If you’ve got proof that happened, keep them safe with you
Ask Lawyer for advice!!!
Every state is different even though the court house is close they will still have someone there to answer phones and they might be able to answer your question .you can also call legal aid and they can answer your questions .
Get a lawyer, get full custody with supervised visits. Dont allow them back at the Moms. You probably wont be able to terminate his rights if he just saw the kids in Jan. Be thankful this guy has actually tried, some.
My ex husband has supervised visits and I have full sole, legal custody. He hasnt even TRIED to see my kids in YEARS even though he has rights to supervised visits and 1 phone call everyday. No calls, nothing.
Quit letting his mom see them. She’s playing his game and enabling him. She is as bad as him. Your son could have died from both of their negligence. And honestly after him pulling the stuff with your oldest I would cut him off completely until he started paying his part. I’d also create a visit schedule that can be under your supervision or not at all. That is so unacceptable behavior from a parent.
I have been through this with my oldest who is 4! The father hasn’t seen her for 2 years now and I still can’t get him terminated off her stuff. He has been in jail and prison multiple times. Signed off his visitation rights and there is a no contact order between them but I can’t have it so he isn’t on her birth certificate because he won’t sign it over. He has threatened to kill her, has threatened to kill the rest of my family, kidnap her and alot more. He smashed my windshield in my vehicle and stalked my house with a no contact and peace bond and it still wasn’t enough. He just got out of prison in September after serving almost 2 years as he had a 2 year sentence and he can still try to take me back. The court doesn’t always do what’s best for the child.
After what happen with the 3 Year Old being locked outside and near a river I wouldn’t let him see any of the kids. Don’t say anything about court just block everything he can use to contact you. Tell he’s mum that she is welcome to visit you and the kids at your place and under your supervision but, she won’t be taking the kids anywhere.
I’m in Florida so the laws and stuff may be different here. I work at the courthouse in finance so please don’t think that I’m an expert in any sense of the word but here we are still having emergency judgements where the judge is remotely handing things. Also the child support division is open at the county level and also at the state level, just maybe not in person but you can still get someone on the phone. I would start there, put his butt on child support because wether he wants to be a father or not, he is one. We offer legal services that are cheap to no cost to you to assist with family matters, filling out paperwork, stuff like that so you should ask about that. Like I said, that’s what we have here and it may not be the same where you are but you could always ask. A lot of people aren’t aware that’s even available. I wish you luck.
Nothing you can do but however I would not let them have unsupervised visits