How can I help my 3-year-old with his anger issues?

Do not bash is coming to y’all too see if y’all have better ideas/ways to go about the situation on what I’m about to ask… soooo, my three-year-old son has a VEERRRRYYYY very bad temper. His ability to get mad takes off in like 2 secs AFTER you’ve told him NO. I’m very close to my kids and can usually talk them down bt my 3yo just doesn’t have it. He’ll start hitting himself, throwing himself on the floor, kicking n screaming . & more or less … I try to stick to the consequences on when he acts that way; he gets NOTHING. For being 3, I feel he gets mad way to fast and way too bad! He literally is a walking time bomb … it doesn’t happen a lot THANK GOD but when it does. It’s hard to keep my patience sometimes. He’s very smart and gentle and kind when he’s not acting this way… but I noticed he acts this way when he gets a NO thrown at him, or he doesn’t get what he wants…, so basically my question is: how do I go about this when it happens? What are some things you did that helped? Is it just cause his age, or should I talk to his doctor? I mean IDK if I’m even explaining this right for y’all to understand how he gets … cause when he gets in these moods, he gets BAAAADDD


Ignore him. Put him in a safe place and walk away.


I’m also interested in the solutions others have used- my son also does this :disappointed:


So my three-year-old daughter have really really bad anger issues as well and I happen to run into an article about removing red dye 40 from their diet and I have to tell you it has made a huge difference in my daughter’s Behavior give it a try


I’m with ya momma, I’m facing the same thing with my 4yo. Started when he was about 3. It’s gotten better and worse throughout the year or so, we can go days or weeks without any angry out bursts, but then it’ll strike I a wave of a week. Once I think I have it figured out I’m proven wrong. :blue_heart:


I’d speak to his pediatrician. It’s likely just a phase, but couldn’t hurt to bring it up. I would also explain why you’re saying no. I teach preK, and a little explaining goes a long way with littles. Do your best to stay calm when it happens, and once he’s calm, offer him hugs, and explain why his behavior is not ok. Good luck Mama!

It could be a phase. But I would talk to his pediatrician about it for sure. I’m a huge advocate for therapy. Behavioral therapy can work wonders. But also, maybe try to have him evaluated for a sensory processing disorder? My youngest would have meltdowns from hell. Biting himself, banging his head, he put his foot through a door when he was 2, He would pull over bookshelves, the whole nine. It was terrifying. We found out he was hypersensitive and OT has worked wonders for him. He’s like a brand new kid.

Sounds just like my son before he was diagnosed with ODD. He’s medicated now at 11 but his temper is still triggered by the word no or not right now. Talk to his doctor it is NOT normal behavior.

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I have worked in special education and ive had kids who are considered special ed because there anger issues. Sometimes they do not understand through punishment. There different and some times do not know how to control there anger. My advice. Talk to his Dr

My son who is now 9 had huge anger issues. We talked to peds till we were blue in the face. At 3 he took a hammer to our friends son! It was bad. Thank goodness he wasn’t strong enough to do real damage. Start therapy asap. He was tested and found he had a speech development problem and does not retain short term memory. His anger stemmed from everyone not understanding what his needs/wants were. There are resources or there, good luck momma.

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It honestly sounds like he has autism

I used to throw myself on the floor as a child my mom told the doc the doc said walk away even in the store it worked

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When mine went through this, I tried everything (I thought) I ended up having to walk away and leave the room in the middle of her fit. She was doing it for attention, and giving her any attention (even negative, ie punishment) got her what she wanted, so by depriving that the fits stopped. Try just walking out of the room, dont react at all, just turn around and leave him with his fit.

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Talk to the doctor. I would say he must be doing this because it has worked for him even just once. Youd be surprised how smart a 3 year old really is and from his perspective he can either accept your no or throw a fit for a chance to get his way. From his perspective its actually a smart idea because he at least has the chance to get his own way. Consistency is your only friend here. And get on it asap before he is bigger and harder to manage. A parenting expert told me that you have to do something dramatic so they understand that the new rules are no means no. He suggested I tell my son who was 6 at the time that we are going to McDonald’s to eat and play but that the first time he doesn’t listen we are leaving. He told me to order him a meal and myself just a coffee since my hidden plan was to wait for him to act out and throw his food in the garbage and leave. He said my son would throw a massive fit but leave anyways and that to a child that would mark the day that mama stop taking his crap and actually meant what she said. I never actually did it but always remembered it

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Ignore and try to find other words to use besides “No” such as I understand your upset , or i understand your feeling this way - validating feelings at that age goes along way. I went through this with my son when he was 2, 3 and 4 . I brought ABA coaching into my home that gave me the tools to modify his agressive behaviors and violent outbursts. Who is also diag with ODD, PTSD , Adjustment disorder and possible ADHD

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…I threw a temper tantrum in a store one day ( on the floor and everything)… My kids never did that again … They said it was I was funny doing it.


I’m not judging you so please don’t get offended. But at 3 years old, he didn’t just pluck that behaviour out of the air. He’s obvs been getting away with acting out for quite awhile. It’s really hard to reign kids in who have been allowed to go off the rails. So you’re gonna have to fully commit to helping him change these learned behaviours. Every single time. And go thru with the consequences, every single time. If you can’t then don’t start. Wait for a time when u can commit or you’ll just do more damage.

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Cut sugars, red dyes… if he is safe in a fit walk away and ignore it. Have you tried any holistic approaches to calm him?

Can you not say no, just go into the explanation as to why not.

I have a daughter who is now 5, but I could have written the same post that you did when she was 3. Here are a few things that worked for us:

  1. We would get at her eye level and talk to her really calm. I will warn you, this is soooo damn hard to do when emotions are charged!!!

  2. We didn’t just say no, we would explain why we were saying no. “I’m sorry, but you can’t have that piece of candy before dinner because it’s really important for you to have healthy food in your belly first. You can have it after you eat some good food.”

  3. I would tell her very clearly, “I’m sorry that you’re upset, but it’s more more important to me that you’re safe (insert the appropriate statement here) than for you to jump off of the couch (insert appropriate statement here).
    After a while of this, we noticed a significant change in her response to hearing no!

  4. We would explain that we have rules to keep her safe, and because we love her. It took a little not for this to sink in, but after hearing it enough she would just accept the response that we gave to her requests.

Lastly, I bought the book 1-2-3 Magic, and it literally changed our lives with her! It’s fairly cheap on Amazon, and it is well worth it!

I hope that some of this advice helps. I know exactly how you feel, and I’ll be thinking of you! Hang in there, it does get easier!