I know this isn’t entirely mom-related. I am 28, and my brother is 41. Has been in and out of rehab but falls off the wagon. He lives with our parents, and it’s a rough situation there too. I have no idea how to help, but I’m the only person he talks to. Has anyone dealt with similar situations and any success stories to overcome this…
Tbh as much as u want to help if he isnt ready there isnt a lot u can do. I know it sucks. Been there, done that with my son. And sometimes if u push it too hard u will push them away and they wont come to u at all. I wish u all the best and hope this works out well for u
I don’t know if he attends AA meetings, but AA and a good sponsor helped me stay sober for 61/2 years. Believe me, I was a heavy drinker. It’s helpful to be in contact with others in the same situation. Go with him if that would help. AA is a loving, welcoming group of all kinds of people (I’m a nurse).
All you can really do is offer support, love and encouragement. Healing starts from within and him.
Cant help someone who doesnt want help. You can offer, but until they’re tired if living the way they have been they will not change.
Sadly, you can’t help him… Only he can do that… You can love him and let him know that you will be there to help support his sobriety, but that’s all you can do. HE and he alone, is the only person that can save him… Addiction sucks, and it’s hell for those of us that love the addict… Set boundaries, so that he knows what you will deal with and what you won’t, and stick to them… #prayingforyou #addictionsucks #youarenotalone #addictionhurtsfamilymembers
I feel you on that. I lived through it already and my best advice to you is ask God how to deal with it. You will be surprised as to what will start happening. If you tried everything else and nothing works, try Jesus
Keep praying. Turn it over to God. It’s bigger than you. Pray with him if he will let you.
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He has to want it.
You can’t help him, until he gets sick n tired of being… sick n tired.
Plus as long as people enable him… he will probably have no desire to stop. Why would he?
Put thankful prayers into motion:sparkling_heart:
I have 4.5 years in recovery. I will pray for him, your family. Wish you all the best… you can attend Alanon it’s amazing for family members of alcoholics.
U can not help him he has to help him self. All u will do is make yourself crazy trying. There is nothing u can say or do. The drinking will win every time
I am a recovering alcoholic and went thru.detox and rehab my advice to u.is this your brother has to admit.he is an alcoholic and if hes going to get.help he has to stick to his guns make up his mind he does not need alchohol to survive. This is a physiological problem which requires help.only he can get it for.himself it’s good your there for him but theres only so.much.you.can do. He has to make up.his mind put the cork on the bottle and stick to it. Please call Alanon thier there to.help u good luck my dear
Keep providing him support don’t give up. it takes years for alcoholics to be successful in battling their addictions. AA and long term rehab
As long as there are people in his life willing to shield him from the consequences of his choices, he has no reason to change. Being an alcoholic is working for him because he’s got food and a roof and doesn’t have to worry about anything but drinking. If he’s severe, he may need medically supervised detox because it can be very dangerous (the reason liquor stores were considered essential - this detox would’ve been just as deadly as the virus if all the alcoholics went cold turkey).
Until he finds and faces the root of what he’s running from, he will continue to do so. Therapy, intensive therapy not just that lighthearted superficial talk about my day kind, will be needed to dig that trauma up by its root so that he can start healing. He’ll need all the support he can get on this journey so don’t just drop him, but refuse to enable him or normalize his drinking any further. Refuse to engage with him when he’s drinking or drunk, only be willing to talk to him sober, don’t allow talk about alcohol or drunk stories, etc. You can be there for him without being there to support his addiction, and the isolation which comes from cutting off all contact, while effective for others since it causes them to hit rock bottom, can further traumatize an addict leading them further away from you and themselves.
First thing I recommend is a family support group for you and your parents. They are an absolute wealth of information, can connect you to local resources that can help you, and most importantly make you feel less alone and scared as you face this. Family counseling would be a good place too. Somewhere in his life, something hurt him, badly, and he’s running from it. Anything you can do to help him actually fix that instead of just putting the alcohol bandaid over an arterial bleed will be more effective than anything else.
Put simply? Addiction is the result of an untreated infection in the soul and heart. Intervention is most often akin to the lancing of the area to release all the poison. Therapy is taking antibiotics to get rid of the infection entirely. Support programs and meetings are handwashing to keep infection risk low. But that pus pack of infection (trauma) needs to be lanced and cleansed otherwise the infection will continue to flare up.
I’m 29, my bother is 49, he had been in and out of so many rehabs I lost count. He has lived with my parents off and on for the past 10 years because he can’t/won’t hold or get a job. He got locked up this year and our dad FINALLY let him sit there in jail. Since that day he’s been clean (as far as I know). He had been enabled so much and bailed out so many times, I started to think it was a lost cause. But I guess sitting in jail did something to him. We lost our dad shortly after he was released from jail, and to my knowledge he has still not touched alcohol, not even to deal with the pain. I really believe you have to let people fall on their ass before they wake up.
Does he actually want help? that is a big thing because you can’t help people who don’t want to get better unfortunately
Ariel Duarte i was gonna say the same thing. Been there done that only i was the brother!
Find an alanon group, pick up the book codependent no more, and if he actually wants help then research some resources. Unfortunately no atrer what he says to you, no amount of emotional investment or advice from your end are going to save him from his alcoholism.
I have an uncle that is a heroin addict. We have tried so many times to help- he’s been to rehab 6 or 7 times. We’ve tried the get him a job, a place to live, thing and the tough love no help thing.
Nothing works for long because he doesn’t want help.
He has to want help, but do as you keep doing and show your love. I know from experience how hard it is to see someone you love suffer from alcoholism, always let him know your rooting for his happiness and sobriety. Look up aa meetings in your area for him to attend, not sure where you are, but there’s an app called “meeting guide” where it goes off your location showing you all the times and places of meetings each day of the week. Most places are usually closed meetings(for anyone who wants to stop drinking) with one open meeting( for family to attend too) once a month. I can also suggest, searching for an al anon meeting for yourself , its to help the families of alcoholics.