My daughter is seven years old. Her biological father “didn’t want her growing up in a split home” when she was born. Fast forward to age 2; he messaged via Facebook to say he was sorry. That lasted about three days, and he went on with his life. At age 4, we crossed paths again, and they met. At that point, he was around for about seven months, hit the road, came back for 2, left again, and so on. I cut off all ties because it was damaging. She has recently expressed her thoughts and concerns about him forgetting her. It’s been three years since she has seen or spoke to him. Any ideas on how to help her cope without saying what I want to say?
sometimes daddy’s arent ment to be daddy’s… I don’t even know what to say.
I don’t have any tips and I’m very sorry but I am going through that with my seven-year-old child as well and no matter what he always asks to see his father. I would love to be able to pick up the phone and call him or to drop him off to see his dad but unfortunately his father just doesn’t want that he does not want to be a dad. He comes around as often as your ex that’s absolutely damaging. It breaks my heart but he treats my kid like an Expendable piece of garbage and I wish I had an answer for you as well as for my son. My heart aches for you as well as your baby girl happy New Year from one Mama to another:heartpulse:
After the third time is the charm I would go ghost. He can’t show up if he doesn’t know where you are.
Celebrate life with her…no looking back life is abt giving cherish it b 4 she gets grown and mature
Yeah that’s hard. I wouldn’t lie to her but obviously say it in a way it will make sense to her. “He wasn’t ready to be a dad”
Some times people make decisions that we don’t understand. Sometimes it’s hard but you will always be there for her . Tell her that .
Get her into counseling.
I wouldn’t allow the revolving door, it causes more harm then good. And honestly I’d tell her you don’t know and maybe right now he can’t be the dad she needs him to be and he’s working on himself, that’s what I told my step son when his mother walked away completely and he tried to see her… he’s only 7 and she was involved granted it was only 2 days a week if that and she dwindled out slowly but even when she was involved he would ask why she didn’t love him broke my heart but I suggest to make it very frank and don’t be negative and mean eventually they will see it for themselves …
I had to do the same several times with my now almost 18 year old. I loved her more than he ever could. He made another child. I left it up to her to make her decision about him and that was for the best. She knows how she feels about him and what she wants from him. It’s rough to watch because they are our kids, but these fathers can’t grow up.
Man. You let her know that YOU love her more than enough and you cant control what anyone else says or does. Sometimes other people hurt us by what they DO or DON’T do, but that youre always there for her to talk to, cry to, whatever.
My dad was like this…my whole life. It didnt really matter what my mom said. I thought he did no wrong…but in time, as I got older I understood why mom would send him away. It took a long time but I had to learn it for myself and she will too.
Just let her know it wasnt her fault and that she is valuable. His loss. Whatever it takes.
I’d recommend counseling. I’d be honest with her, but in a pleasant way, if that makes sense? Let her know that some people have trouble showing others love, like she’s experienced from you and other family members, etc., and he might be one of them. That it’s important she know it has nothing to do with her and you hope maybe one day he’ll get himself all fixed up so he too can see how special it feels to spend time with her. But, for now you guys will think good things about him and wish for him to find happiness. She will thank you for not saying the things you want.
My oldest had this issue with hers in and out her whole life. I never stopped it bc I thought surely it wasn’t right to keep him from her. At 17 she chose to end it on her terms and not allow him back in after disappearing again…until 3 years ago when she had my grandson. Against my begging she gave him a shot at being a grandfather. He couldn’t care less after about 1.5 months or so. Now that he’s older he can’t even keep the charade going very long anymore. Thank god she told him that was his one and only chance to be a part of her sons life until he is old enough to make that choice himself.
I honestly think that no matter what you do she will always have issues with it bc in and out is more damaging than just out imo
My daughter’s dad is around fourtantely but there was a time he was in prison and on drugs. I told her daddy was sick and he needed to get better
My father was never in my life. He tried, but couldn’t be the father my brother and I deserved. Has it been hard? Yes, but someone once told me “He was meant to create you and that’s it. He was never meant to be in your life.” And that helped me move on. I made sure to find a “real” man for my future kids and now I am happily married with a one year old son and a daughter on the way. My best advice is to tell her the truth. It will hurt and believe me it hurt me as well. But you DO NOT need to lie to her! That’s the last thing this little girl needs right now. Just be with her and give her all of the attention you can. If push comes to shove, maybe counseling? We couldn’t afford it, but just talking to my mom about it when I was younger really helped. Just listen to her. Good luck mama!
I told my son the truth when he learned that my ex partner wasn’t actually his bio as he was raised to think… He was 8 when we split up and I told him that the man he knew as dad wasn’t his real dad… he asked about his bio dad and I told him that when I fell pregnant he decided he didn’t want to be a dad and chose to walk away… He is now almost 11 and is completely fine… I made it black and white so he could see that I wasn’t upset about it and he didn’t need to be either… I explained about the people that ARE in his life, and that is so much better… I’m marrying my now partner in October and we have a baby on the way, which will make 3 kids for me and 1 for my partner, my youngest calls my partner dad aswell as seeing his bio dad… He’s lucky to have 2 dads that love him… My son can see that families come in all shapes and sizes and is fine with how it’s been explained
That void will never be filled even if she gets a stepdad. There is not much you can do except for be real with her. Tell her the truth, be sincere about it. In the long run she might find him again as an adult. All you can do is be there for her and explain everything plainly to her!
I grew up in the opposite situation where my mom was in and out for 3+ years at a time would come for a weekend and be gone for another few years I didn’t see her from age 11-18. Up until I was 21 with babies of my own it went that way, now she comes once a year and we leave it at that.
But my dad will always be the one getting a phone call on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
My dad made it be known he would always be whatever I needed from him. A mom, dad, friend, someone to cry to, etc.
Just be there for her. Some people weren’t made to be parents. It’s hard at a young age but when she’s older she’ll appreciate you stepping in to both sides of parenting and supporting and loving her through everything.
Therapy. She needs a place and a person to talk to that doesn’t have any feelings about this situation. No dog in the fight, so to speak.