I’m in desperate need of advice. I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. We’ve even known each other since high school. We have a beautiful daughter, and we rarely ever argue; we make a good team. Our communication is top-notch. So much so that he told me he loves me, but he isn’t in love with me, and he’s not sure he wants just me. (He’s struggling with monogamy) This could also be because I don’t do many romantic things… I’ve been hurt a lot, and so the thought of putting my neck out there scares me, but he deserves it. He’s proved his worth. He wanted to make things more interesting in the bedroom, and I’ve made strides to do so because I also want this for myself. My fear comes from me doing everything I possibly can, and it still not be enough. Should I go ahead and part my ways with him? (this split will be painful, I’ve never loved anyone so much before), Or should I stick around and try regardless of the outcome? He tells me I’m his best friend, but I can’t see myself speaking to him other than civil business interactions for our daughter’s visitations afterward. How can I make him see me more romantically? Help!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my boyfriend see me in a more romantic way?
I have a Man now and he is very good with advice, he’s told me it won’t kill u to risk, sometimes it will be painful, but u will live and u will learn from it
Plz get some counseling for you both. Plz for your daughters sake.
If he has already came to the conclusion that he is not in love with you, that is your sign to move on.
If he says he isn’t in love with you after 7 years, he likely never will be. He’s comfortable with you and your arrangement. Just realize there’s no guarantee you’ll ever have the fairy tale life you’re longing for. But you have every right to chase it.
Send the kids away to grandma’s for the night… if he has a fantasy like roll play or something set it up for the night make it a surprise sens him lots of naughty pictures while hes gone that day get him excited tease him with it and then when he gets home let him have at it and do what he wants… or just simply talk to him ask him ideas of how you can spice things up again go get some toys or something but dont just make up your mind to leave him without talking and trying out his ideas and some of yours first dear communication is key for any relationship or marriage our grandparents and great grandparents disnt have 20+ years of marriage because they simply just gave up a relationship or marriage is hard work but so very worth it
Gotta know when to fold em girl
You cant make some1 love u …once u love yourself as much as u love him …you will push 4ward …remain friends …but go on …
If he already told you he isnt in love with you, don’t hurt yourself even more. It’s time to move on, your daughter will/is your strength and you need to set the example for when she grows up. Self respect.
You said he struggles with monogamy… Is he polyamorous by nature?? If so, are you okay with letting him be who he is??
I’m polyamorous. In my journey I’ve found the beauty in finding what I need within myself and others. My husband isn’t pressured to fill my needs, nor I his… And we have great relationships with others.
It sounds like this is kind of what you’re both dealing with… You’re pressured to be everything to him, and he seems to want to build other connections.
He already told you the plain truth. You’ve been together for 7 years and have a child, yet he isn’t IN LOVE with you. You are enabling him to continue leading you on for years to come. Nothing you can do or change will make him see you differently or romatically. Stop worrying about what’s wrong with you and focus on what’s right with you. Some else will appreciate it. Thank goodness he was at least honest and didn’t lie about how he truly felt.
If you don’t have your walls down after 7 years you’re the problem.
All of the comments saying “he already said he’s not in love with you” - that’s not the end. It’s a symptom. He’s not fulfilled and sees you as a coworker not a best friend.
Be the girl he would cheat on you with. Sounds crass, but men want a wife, a bff and a slut. Be all 3. Trust me, it works, lol. He doesn’t need to hide other women if we check them out together.
If this is “below you”, move on. You aren’t ready for this type of man.
If I were you I would move on. If you’re not comfortable enough with him to make thing “more interesting” he’s not for you! You will feel more than comfortable and more than willing and wanting to do things for a person you truly care about and love. The fact that he’s “struggling” with monogamy (he’s already cheating I guarantee it) and saying he’s not in love with you… well hunny where is your self worth? Why would you want to be with a person that isn’t 100% about you and in love with you? Yea it will absolutely be hard. Yes it will be devastating for you and hun as well and your daughter BUT in the long run you will find someone amazing and your daughter can grow up seeing what people who truly love eachother looks like. Because you two are such good friends hopefully that can carry over into a co-parenting relationship where you can remain friends and raise your daughter with her seeing that both her mom and dad although not together still have huge respect for each other and raising her lovingly. Good luck!
You can’t make someone be in love you. I’m sorry of that sounds mean. But after 7 years a baby and you trying and its still isn’t then I’m sorry nothing will make him be in love with you. And do you honestly want someone to pretend or stay when deep down you know he isn’t in love. Sounds like you guys are beat friends who had a baby. The part that worries me is the no fighting no arguments we just get along that says there isn’t a spark even the happiest and In love couples have disagreements or fights is part of passion. There is a fine line between love and hate. I think your fear closed you off and now unfortunately I think that door is closed but you learn and you get brave and you go find love with your best friend beside you.
I mean … if you’re down… get a gf… if not it’s time to move on
You can not keep a man that does not want to be kept, if he has told you then he has already made a decision more than likely. No amount of bedroom tricks or romance is going to make him love you.
Unfortunately he has already made his choice and there’s not much you can do.
Never beg a person to love you, be romantic towards you or anything. The right person will treat you that way. Trust me I was in a relationship and married to the man that gave me the bare minimum and I had to beg him for love. Enough was enough and I left him. So my advice is move on. The right person is out there for you.
“I love you just not IN love with you” Move on… it’s already over. Part as friends that love each other verses staying and ending up enemies. At this point “He’s struggling with monogamy” he’s not struggling, he’s either already cheated or about too. Find you a man that can say he IS in love you, anything less you are cheating yourself out of true happiness!! Your daughter deserves BOTH parents to be happy and there for her, right now she doesn’t have that. After 7 yrs & a child if he’s not in love with you, he never will be… If he ever was.
Stick your neck out you won’t be the first one to get it hurt don’t give up
If hes struggling with monogamy and you arent comfortable with opening the relationship then its time to leave before someone gets hurt or u guys end up resenting each other
More importantly, take time for yourself, by yourself,to work on yourself, before you worry about trying to please someone else.
Ever heard of the 7 year itch? It is totally NORMAL for real life ADULT couples to be going through this. Don’t give up. But definitely seek counseling or maybe do specific things he’s asked
Is he saying he’s never been IN love with you or that over time that love has faded because those are two different things? It’s common in relationships that with time that spark fades out if not continuously fed. If he’s never loved you, then yes I say leave. But if he was before and things have just dried out, I think you both still have a chance at fixing things. It takes effort on both parts tho. Talk about what you both are needing for each other, not just sexually, and see how you both can improve your relationship.
Adding someone in the mix will not help or fix the relationship please know that. You will just get hurt more.
I dealing with the same thing just other away around me and my husband has been together on and off 14 YEARS NEXT month I was crazy in love with him for 10 YEARS we got married 4 years ago he put me through hell drinking , fussing , him been CRAZY jealous , it finally got to point us fighting I begged him to stop the drinking he wouldn’t NOW I love him I care about him BUT I am NOT in love with him anymore not been for ALMOST 2 YEARS he has been away from home and is due to come back home in 100 days I have been so stressed because my whole feeling have changed towards him just the thought of him touching me makes me feel numb .
I would definitely suggest counseling. If that doesn’t help, I would part ways.
It’s not an easy thing to do, but at least you can say you tried first
Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Pack his bags for him
He’s made it clear he’s not in love with you and after 7 years I very seriously doubt that he ever truly will. Move on and cut all ties with him except concerning your daughter. I know you say you never loved anyone like you love him but sweetheart her doesn’t deserve you. You shouldn’t do this to yourself or your daughter. You need to set a good example for her
7yrs is a long time I would have a nice sit down with him and ask all the questions you need and perhaps suggest couple counseling.
7 year itch. It’s a thing.
The most important part is you need to love yourself. Work on falling in love with yourself and others will follow. But if this man has already said he loves you but isn’t in love with you, it’s my belief he’s sticking around until he finds someone worth leaving for. Start saving up some money while you work on yourself and start thinking of a future without him in it. Sounds like it’s only a matter of time.
I think lots of married people may think things like this but they don’t communicate them with their partner. Even worse they act on them instead. That communication and respect he seems to have with you is rare. It’s a hard cAll and I need a lot more details whether you should stay or go. But if you still feel respected and safe in the relationship (as in not in constant fear or suspicion he will cheat), I think it is worth it to try if both of you are making the effort. You cannot be scared of failure. It’s more scary to have regrets. At least you will know you gave it your all and if it still doesn’t work out, it simply wasn’t meant to.
He told u he’s not in love with u and u haven’t left yet? Get out! U deserve better!
You need to just focus on your and co-parent… He been telling you he don’t want you in a few ways. But you been ignoring them red flags. He just there until you get tired.
First of all I am so sorry, I know how hard this is. Ok first step is finding out I’d he is interested in trying to fall back into love with you, there is no point in trying if he doesn’t want to or think it’s possible. If he does wanna try then you need to be prepared for the end result being the same but you need to try because it will be your biggest regret. If he doesn’t yes it will hurt like he’ll but you have a daughter so you will get up brush your self off and move forward cause your a woman and that’s what we do. You will eventually be alright and that’s what you want your daughter to see and to know one day that you tried and stayed true to who you are! If it doesn’t work you want her to see that you did what was right want her to see a wonderful relationship good luck
Counseling is a good step even if your going alone.
If my man told me he wasn’t in love with me I would move on you deserve better❤.
You better suck the skin off his
Stop trying to make him love you. It won’t work. Leave and find someone who will die for you. He’s waiting for you out there while your fighting for the wrong one.
So… you want to stay with him. But you don’t want to actually try new things and do nice/romantic things with/for him, cause you were hurt… over 7+ years ago. By someone else.
Adding someone else to the mix will not solve a damn thing, shit, that’s make him happy for sure, two women? What a steal. Girl think first. If he isn’t looking at you romantically now then he never will.
7 Years?? U Love Him Give Him 1 More Year( I Only Say This BCus A Child Is Involved!) Get It 2Gether If He Still Says No… FUCK HIM!!! U Are The Prize! Time 2 Act Like It!
Id part ways now you will be better off in the long run! It might be painful but you will get over it!
He has a fear of commitment. Drop him asap.
If you love him and there is no other major issues you should sit him down and tell him your concerns and that you want to see him be in love with you again. Even try counseling if he is willing if not then you must decide if you’re willing to settle or make changes to your relationship
Ok so he’s not in love with you, and he’s stuggling with monogamy. He’s literally telling you he’s done, time to start a new chapter and leave.
This book changed my life. You may find it helpful, if not for your current relationship, for any future ones.
He made it clear he’s not in love with you. If the relationship is suppose to be monogamous then sticking around with someone who is clearly unhappy, just to be cheated on, will only build resentment that will eventually grow into hatred. Let him go be happy. If it’s meant to be y’all will definitely find your way back to each other.
Sex and food it will change if those are met
You can’t make him do anything. If he doesn’t love you for you after 7 years, he never will. All you are doing is fooling yourself to believe anything else. Despite what others are saying, a piece of ass is not love.
I personally use sexy clothes and watch some porn and introduce some sex toys you have to keep things interesting in the bedroom ever heard the phrase be a freak in the sheet but a lady in the streets.
No one needs to know that you’re your mans hoe in bed behind closed doors but him
Listen always give your relationship your all no matter what happens in the end. Make sure you can confidently say i gave it my all and know its true. When it comes on to relationships can thing can happen.
So he wants to cheat on you and has made you believe it’s you that’s at fault.
If someone truly loves you they wouldn’t do this to you. Take the hurt now and get rid, it will be much much worse if you leave it any longer. Besides if he’s thinking about cheating on you chances are he already is. Stop blaming yourself for him being a dick.
Adding a 3rd person to the mix is going to be more damaging to you and your child in the end.
I would end it.
It sounds like he has already mentally moved on.
Counseling could help, but only of you BOTH want the relationship to work.
As you’ve been together since high school. You should both have a break and see other people. It may or may not work
My kids dad said the same at 7 years lol found out he was cheating with tons of hoes and I left him. Byeeeee. Say farewell and look out for your kid. You don’t need a man to be happy and shouldn’t have to figure out a way for any man to be in love with you. He fell outta love and you already gave him 7 years and a kid… he won’t change.
If you’ve been together 7.5 years & he’s not in love with you now, it’s not likely to change & you can shake that sugar tree in the bedroom all you want & that’s NOT gonna make him fall in love, in lust maybe but not in love. If he’s telling you he’s not in love with you at least he’s being honest & it’s time to part ways & learn to co-parent the best you can for the child’s sake. It will be painful no matter when it’s done but better sooner than later
Run and don’t look back. He is itching to have an excuse to cheat.
I struggled for 10 years. I knew the father of my children since I was 16 (a total of 18 years between friendship and relationship)
We were best friends, who were never single at the same time. After I was married and divorced, was the first time we were single at the same time. I went to “visit” him. And we were together ever since. I was pregnant within 4 months of being together. We literally went through hell. And for what ever reason I kept holding in to all the Good times, even after all the bad. (Physical, emotional, verbal abuse, he became an alcoholic, and cheated multiple times) I kept holding in to “we used to be best friends, I just want that back”
He would tell me he loved me etc. but he would always choose alcohol and drugs over me and our children.
I caught him cheating 1 week b4 my son was born. I tried to stick it out for almost 2 years after that…. We went to counseling and everything…… but I could never get past it. I had concrete evidence he cheated, he even told her he loved her, and went into detail of sexual things he did/wanted to do to her.
And he lied straight to my face, and the councilors face, saying he didn’t do anything physical with her……
after I ended things with him, he finally admitted it. Thinking it would hurt me…. All it did was piss me off by that point.
Things got really bad. I had to get a restraining order against him, and he has not seen his children in 13 months, and has contributed a whopping $300 in the last 13 months….
I will admit. I do still love him. I don’t think I will ever love someone the way that I loved him. And exactly what you said…… I don’t know any other way to be with him. From day one, even when we were “best friends” we were always MORE.
I don’t know how to be “just friends” with him.
Even the couple times I’ve talked to him…. It brings back all emotions.
All I can say, is even though I love(d) him soo much. There is no changing how they feel about you.
If you can truly deal with him never LOVING you and only you…. It may be time to leave….
…. Try polyamory? I mean. It’s possible to love more than one person. (I might get hate for this) but I’m not Monogamous. And if you communicate well then it won’t be a hard thing to do.
Hes made it clear he loves you but not in love with you anymore. After 7 years things can become more like a I stay with you because your his comfort blanket & your all he’s known for a long time. like most of us we stick with the person for fear of starting over with someone new. Personally no amount of romance or you trying to make him fall back in love with you will work when he wants his freedom to go explore with other people. Let him go. Make a effort in yourself be happy single he will see the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Make sure you are absolutely positive that you tried your best but honestly…you’re better off peacefully parting ways. It’ll hurt but in time you will heal. He’s being honest with you and you need to learn that it is ok for you to deserve better…shoot life sure takes us through some bullshit but we grow with the lessons we are taught rather we like them or not.
All these people saying to give up and leave cause hell never love you again are totally wrong. Relationships go through changes, just like people do. What worked for yall one year might not work a different year.
Holding back on trust, love, and communication is probably the reason hes fallen out of love with you. Look at it from his view. His long term girlfriend still can’t just be herself because someone else’s actions almost a decade ago. It would be tiring for anyone, and make that partner wonder why they ever got in a new relationship in the first place if they were still hung up on their ex.
Try going to couples therapy. It sounds like yall both need to compromise to try something new. Theres nothing wrong with it, sometimes people are just scared to make that jump themselves.
Set time for yourselves together. Go on a date, visit a special place from your past, just do something where its only you two. When people have kids, its soooo easy to focus on the child instead of your partner, and its okay to take a breather. Get to know each other again.
If you have problems showing affection, try something small. Write him little love notes that he can find, buy him a surprise gift and leave it where he can find it, or even write him an actual letter and leave it in the mailbox for him, but signed as from a secret lover. (If he has a favourite lip shade you use, kiss the corner of the paper, and spray it with a perfume that gives yall good memories.) The love letter is actually a good idea on helping him discover if he’s monogamous and is just wanting a bit of spice, or if he really is poly and looking for multiple partners to love. If you do use the love letter route, make sure you include a spot he can return letters to that is easily accessible by you without making it super obvious. If it goes on for a bit, you can make it a devious date where yall meet up and pretend you’re someone else, and go for drinks and a hotel room, etc.
To me, it just sounds like yall need a little push to add some spice to yalls lives. But don’t throw everything away without trying to fix it first. You might be shocked how it feels to fall in love with someone for the second time.
Listen to the advice given to you by someone with a successful relationship.
İve been with my hubby 16 years we met when we both was 17… If you want to work both have to work at it in even try New thing small romantik dinner suprise even going for a little walk now And then helps us… We have 4 children together but we make time Just for us a good movie with crisps or a night out… Or make a good breakfast as suprise… Doesnt have to cost much to make hım see your trying. But ıf ıts not both ways then i would give up as öne way never works. (relationships Are 2 People being equal in all ways)
I’d part ways.
If 1 of you doesn’t love the other anymore that’s not a relationship.
You’re saying he’s struggling with monogamy, he’s clearly saying he wants to see someone else.
You’re scared of trying new things, did he know about this already?
End of the road sounds like he already knows and deep down if your not enough he’s not happy! You will find someone else and so will he people change over the years don’t be something your not just to keep him he will always want more from you hes telling you in the kindest way he’s done
If he literally said he doesn’t know if he just wants you then he’s already thinking of being with someone else or has, it happens… leave him
1 of you isn’t in love with the other, he’s stated that he wants to see other people. Don’t waste anymore years with someone who doesn’t want a relationship.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I make my boyfriend see me in a more romantic way?
I would recommend seeking couples counseling
Do everything you don’t do
If he told you that he loves you, but he is not in love with you. It is time to go.
Not trying to be mean, but you need to part ways as a couple and just be awesome parents to your child. He’s telling you plain and simple, and I believe he will still not be in love with you if you try all the supposedly different things in the bedroom. Move on mama:pray:t3:
If he isn’t in Iove with u after all these years it’s time to sit down and have a chat as to what’s in the future for y’all. Best wishes on both ends. And keep this in mind if u split being an adult is caring for ur child. No matter how the situation turns out
Don’t wait until he falls in love with someone,before he could get rid of you .He’s only staying now ,because he doesn’t have anyone ,yet .
You can’t make him see it has to do it himself from his heart
Give it up. He can’t fall back in love
This is gonna sound mean but maybe you need to hear it.
You need to stop trying to prove yourself to somebody that clearly don’t care about you…He literally said he isn’t in love with you. You’re in denial. Everyones gonna keep telling you to part ways… you can’t make somebody love you. Soon as he thinks he finds somthing better he’ll be gone. Take your self respect and dignity… dump his ass.
Unfortunately it’s time to move on
If he’s telling you he’s not in love with you it’s time to leave. Be the best coparents and leave it at that.
Time to walk away or be ready to be hurt real bad when he seeks someone else attention
Girl, that is NO way to live. Let it go and find what you deserve. Promise if he “struggles with monogamy” it doesn’t have one thing to do with you!! You can’t (and shouldn’t be made to feel like you need to) earn love. Someone will love you with no effort at all. And it’s so worth it.
If after seven years you can’t get over past relationships and he’s not in love with you, what are y’all even doing at this point?
Honey it’s been 7 years and you’ve been together since high school. Whatever “hurt” you experienced is old and in the past. Either heal and move forward or let that “great man” go
Talk to him about it without getting all emotional….a lot of guys freak out about being married. But the thing is no matter how long you’ve been together you both have to choose love every single day. This talk might not go how you want it too or it might. Either way you both have to be adults about the outcome. Also don’t have this conversation if either of you have been drinking or when your daughter is home.
You just need to work on you and take care of you!! I would definitely not force it!!
so 7 years & you’re still thinking you’re still not sticking out your neck… y’all have a child. I am sorry that doesn’t sound like you are in love with him either. But, now that he is, kind of tired of being held at arms length, now you want your toy so bad. People have to grow up, you gotta stop using past hurts as a why you are crappy to your partner. YOU ARE NOT NEWLY DATING! & years, you have a child & you still… that sounds stupid AF. That poor child. And see you romantically?, uh, you show him the entire time that you want him. But, if this guy has been suffering with a girlfriend who treats him like that… maybe he deserves better. And, yes there are people who don’t want someone till they are losing them… and then you really don’t deserve them. People act like because it’s a woman, because you got some sob story, that you are different than if you were describing how you had been treated by your boyfriend. Then every woman would be telling you to leave, F him… he knew better. You’re not a child, you should know better too. Hope he finds happiness…
The fact that you can’t make the decision says your hearts not in it. You love him but are not in love with him. People grow complacent and don’t go the extra mile me included. Do what’s best for you. Goodluck
Has he read this, it might help if he did, maybe a face to face heart to heart might help, but never give up or in
I Love you but I’m NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!?!?! What will you tell your Beautiful daughter once he is actually in love with someone else? Be an ADULT and part peacefully before it’s too late
You can’t make anyone see anyone in a romantic way. If they see you that way that’s because they want to
Obvious he’s noticed somethings he’s interested in in other women like their actions ,dressed,sexy ways n flirting, So it’s enticed him to prowl like a typical male hunting -there’s the sign of I’m not in love with you but until I Conquer someone else he’ll stay with you ??
Split up with him and concentrate in loving and respecting yourself more. The right one will come along who will love you unconditionally even your flaws. It will be so easy and effortlessly on your part that there will be no room for insecurerities and doubts. You know you deserve that kind of love and relationship but you wont have it until you still tie up yourself with your baby daddy who already point blank told you he is not in love with you.
People grow apart and that’s ok. Walk away while you are still friends for you daughters sake!
He’s already said he isn’t in live you, he loves you as a friend…so put him there. Move out or have him move out and move on!!! Don’t wait for him to come around to he might be in love with you someday. Cut the cord and find someone who will be in love with you!!!