- How long has he not been working if he’s supposed to be the bread winner? 2. How are bills paid? 3. Do you ever back off and leave him alone with kids to figure it out on his own?
Get a job, make him take care of the kids… I’m currently doing this … And my hubs changed real quick
If a therapist is unavailable to you, get some books on marriage, psychology and emotional maturity to learn how to deal with the lot you were given, be it clearer, more precise and assertive communication, creating consequences for your husband for not following through, finding other ways to lessen your stress, or making plans to leave him.
Don’t threaten to leave him unless you have done your research, talked to at least one lawyer, figured out all logistics, finances, housing, and emotional support for your children and have taken concrete steps in your plan. Otherwise it’s just empty promises for him to ignore or it offers a chance for him to sabotage you. Expect the best, plan for the worst.
Did you not know he was this way before you got married or before you had children? Was he previously different, and if so, what precipitated the change? It might help if you can get him to read parenting books or go to parenting classes with you so he can understand his actions (or inactions) have long-term negative consequences.
Did he not want children? Does he feel like he can do no wrong or do nothing right? Does he feel inadequate as a dad or is he just supremely lazy? Do you have a job? How are you able to live if neither of you is working? What was his childhood like? What kind of relationship did/does he have with his parents? How was he raised? Could he be suffering from depression or is he paralyzed thinking he’ll never be able to live up to expectations so why try?
Write out what you want to say like you are making a work presentation, set a time when the kids are sleeping or being cared for by someone else to sit and talk. Practice your delivery in advance so you can be calm and not shrill or accusatory. Practice with a smart friend so you can get feedback. Ask questions so he can think about the answers and come to his own conclusions vs. you telling him what to think. Talk to his friends, especially ones with kids, to see how they navigate marriage and children. If they are successful, maybe ask them to talk to your man about helping out more, and more effectively. How old are you both? Good luck.
Either be a father and husband or get out.
Can you just start over?
Sounds like your expectations are a little to high
Communication is keys. Spell it out for him. Some men are clueless
Tell him youve decided to go back to work full time and that youll express milkfor daytime feeds if hes not willing to get off his lazy ass and do hes not alot of used to you its like having 3 kids
This is why I I more rely only on my self men or my husband r useless creature just a over size child that there moms dont want no more
If he’s not even looking for a job, he’s a lost cause and its pathetic to get you to do everything! Simply, he shouldn’t have had any kids if this is the example he’s setting. What a waste
I could maybe a tad see it if he had a job n was busy or tired but damn he’ll naw. Id ask myself how much I love him cuz most likely he’s not changing
The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get. You said you have a two month old?! Maybe your emotions and hormones are all over ontop of these frustrations, it’s making it worse, for you and your families sake, talk to your husband and express to him what you have us. Maybe he’s going through things as well and you both need each other in ways neither can express. Be humble and be the bigger person, at least for your kids. Communication in any relationship is key.
He needs to shape up or ship out. Since he isn’t hearing you, I suggest couples counseling.
You don’t have a husband or a father for your kids or a bread winner.
You have a “guy on the couch”. Get rid of him before he makes your life harder than it needs to be.
Leave the kids with him and get a much needed break. When you return talk to him about how his day was with the kids, and how you need more help.
He will not change hunny
They dont change. Doesnt master what u say to him. They dont change
I think maybe a soft approach, at first. “Hey, I’m busy feeding the baby, can you do this”
“Hey, when I asked you to lay him down for a nap, I didn’t mean for you to ask him. He needs a nap.”
“Hey I’m feeling overwhelmed and could really use your help. Can you [insert what you want done.] It would be a big help and I would great appreciate it.”
If afterwards he doesn’t help you then you need to have a bigger talk about the future and probably counseling.
You have another toddler.
He needs to get a job, help out or get tf out
A man will do what YOU allow him to do. He knows you are going to stick around and put up with him. You’re going to have to stand up and leave. He isn’t going to change and isn’t wanting to change