How can I move on from my ex?

I’m hoping maybe my question could be posted for some advice from moms who have gone through or going through it. My sons are 3 and 10 months old. Their father and I have had a rocky relationship after the first year of being together. We separated once and then got back together for the sake of our son, and if I didn’t give it another chance, I would question myself constantly. After I got back together, I found out I was pregnant; I was so upset and furious. Two months after finding out I was pregnant, everything just starting going horribly. He went back to his old ways of jealousy, lying, not wanting to help out, and, most of all, drinking. I told myself after my son was born, I was leaving. My son was born in April, and I moved out in October. He didn’t care to be bothered with the kids while we lived together, and now he would rather spend his weekends drinking and partying with his new girlfriend. Good for him on finding happiness. How do I find closure and cope with the fact he has abandoned these kids? I have so much pent up anger that he doesn’t care and constantly says it’s my fault because I chose to be a single mother. I only have myself to rely on. I don’t have a babysitter; I don’t have someone to take the kids and help me out. So that’s why it’s infuriating because I lost myself being a mom. How do I accept the fact that he is never going to be involved and be there for the kids? Instead of being angry over it all the time. * In PA, the court cannot force him to take the kids. So going to court will solve nothing.I’m hoping maybe my question could be posted for some advice from moms who have gone through or going through it. My sons are 3 and 10 months old. Their father and I have had a rocky relationship after the first year of being together. We separated once and then got back together for the sake of our son, and if I didn’t give it another chance, I would question myself constantly. After I got back together, I found out I was pregnant; I was so upset and furious. Two months after finding out I was pregnant, everything just starting going horribly. He went back to his old ways of jealousy, lying, not wanting to help out, and, most of all, drinking. I told myself after my son was born, I was leaving. My son was born in April, and I moved out in October. He didn’t care to be bothered with the kids while we lived together, and now he would rather spend his weekends drinking and partying with his new girlfriend. Good for him on finding happiness. How do I find closure and cope with the fact he has abandoned these kids? I have so much pent up anger that he doesn’t care and constantly says it’s my fault because I chose to be a single mother. I only have myself to rely on. I don’t have a babysitter; I don’t have someone to take the kids and help me out. So that’s why it’s infuriating because I lost myself being a mom. How do I accept the fact that he is never going to be involved and be there for the kids? Instead of being angry over it all the time. * In PA, the court cannot force him to take the kids. So going to court will solve nothing.

17 Likes

Take him to court for child support and move on

2 Likes

Move on. He will regret it one day and that’s on him.

Well agree with above get child support and move on from it i would want him to take the kids anyways if hes like that i know your stressed now because you both kaid down and made those kids yet your the one gonna take care of them for the rest of your life not a bad thing but annoying as hell when the other person didnt help at all but make the baby

1 Like

I left my daughters father after a rocky relationship and he decided to completely cut her off, I never once tried stopping him from seeing her, I have actually begged him to see her after countless nights of her up crying just wanting to talk to her dad. It’s caused a lot of problems for my daughter and he tells me it’s my fault because I dumped him and it’s my fault she dosent have a father. There’s nothing you can really do, it breaks my heart when she asks for him, she even got to the point of asking if he was dead and when i had told him that, no reply. It’s hard, but just remind your babies they always have their mum, sadly some people decide that their happiness is more important than their kids, and they will never change. I hope things get easier for you. :disappointed_relieved:

It going take time to get on with your life. I have been there before. U need to relearn how to love yourself. Don’t worry about what your ex is doing. Block him an move on. His lost not yours

1 Like

Not sure what you think your going to get from this post but, good for you on taking the kids out of a clearly revolting situation. Also he’s correct you did choose to be a single mum. You put your kids needs first, he put his party’s and drink first.
My mum was a single mum and I’m more grateful than she will ever know. That’s not a situation any child should endure.
Take the court route for child support payments and live your best life with your kids. Join mum’s groups if you want face to face support. Not sure on area so can’t really help with that.

2 Likes

Terminate his rights. Go to court, get child support if you can’t terminate. If he doesnt want to be a father, he’ll regret it later. Not your problem.

Lead your best life. Let go of the past. Yes do force him to pay child support or give up all rights! I supported my girls and didn’t have to take crap from any body. My oldest said it would have been easier if I had forced him to pay but then he would have had a say in my life.

1 Like

Get yourself in therapy and don’t forget to take care of yourself as well as the babies. It’s so hard being a single mother. It’s hard to let go of the anger, the bitterness, the hatred. Because ultimately it isn’t your fault. He forced you to choose your and your kids mental health over everything because he couldn’t or wouldn’t provide a suitable environment in which to raise children together. Sadly, people like that are rarely accountable for their actions which led to the end of the relationship. You’ll have to work through the negative effects of his choices and your negative feelings. Ultimately, it’s true when they say hating someone is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies. It’s time for you to prioritize you and getting healthy in his wake of destruction. It’s hard. But there is life after these relationship experiences. It’s a long road but definitely one worth traveling. I’ll say a prayer for your healing.

4 Likes

Don’t try to force any kind of contact between him and the kids, sometimes an absent father is better then a forced relationship. Especially if he would rather be drinking and partying. I tried to force a relationship between my daughter and her father and for years all it brought was harm to her. It is ridiculously hard being a single momma, and we never plan on ever having to be put in those shoes. Don’t let him blame you, you are putting those babies first. Its not going to happen overnight but slowly day-by-day you will get through it.

3 Likes

Do what makes you happy. Have to be happy to be the best mom for your kids. Lot’s of people go through this, you will be able to.
Also, the father might want to come back later into his children’s lives and might realize what he is doing now is irresponsible, I know you will not like that but you can’t block your children from having a dad if it happens. Remember you have to put feelings aside and think of the children.

And of course go for child support right away

1 Like

Only time can heal that wound. Treat it as a death, grieve and process it all. You tried your best and now u have your babies. No regrets, I always regretted not having a second child with my first sons father only because I wanted my son to have a full sibling. Your boys will have each other and that is beautiful. It is hard being a single mom but there are alot of advantages as well. You are incontrol. I hope you find a good friend to help u get some free time. It ain’t easy but it is doable :heart::heart::heart:

Your children can use the Child Support !money if not now sometime in the future for anything from diapers to drs visits. If the money isn’t needed right away as it comes in,you may want to consider opening a bank acct for that only so you have money if u need it for them.as for guy,get away from him,and DONT let him try to get you to feel sorry for him,etc…!

His done those kids and U a favour

Disagree with some comments on courts as a mum try your everything to stay away I’d suggest parenting through seperation course it definitely gives you ideas on what to do next coping ect and most importantly the kids never mind the dad you carry on doing you and them dont waste your time tryna force a relationship do a parenting course as suggested above and if need be go to mediation if u hit court your kids will be appointed a lawyer then they have to have visits with them (the layer) very messy and one emotional ride you’d want your kids not to be on be strong you got this!!

Kill him off inside of you and smile as bright as you can and love those babies hard…life will be hard but it would be way worse with him and you know this thats why your not there :hugs:

He’s an idiot and doesn’t deserve you or the kids ,His life will go down the pan if he treats people like this ,Your life will get better and easier soon ,and your boys will always be there for you .He will end up alone and drunk .:heart:

I am the 3rd oldest of 8 kids. My mom ( the kindest and most selfless person I have ever known) married to my father ( an angry alcoholic) until she past a couple of years ago in her 80s. My mother lived with that her entire life. It’s sad and hurtful. Find a way to let go of your anger and pain. It will only hurt you and your kids. Look at your kids, give them the love that you and they deserve. There are good men out there that will give you and your kids the love you all want and deserve

Im so sorry to say this but guys don’t give closure his actions are your closer move on you are strong if he didn’t care then he wont care now and it won’t be long til the new woman leaves him too

3 Likes