I am a mother of three children. My daughter has two children that I haven’t seen since 2018. I don’t have a way to contact her. She keeps in touch with my sister I don’t talk to. How do I approach this? keep my anon, please
She doesnt want to be bothered with you. If she wanted to connect, she knows how to. Leave things be.
Your sister and daughter don’t talk to you? Maybe you need to evaluate what YOU are doing to cause this. You’re not the victim here. There’s a good reason they won’t speak to you.
There is something you are doing if your family isnt having anything to do with you… maybe make personal changes to make them want to reach out to you
Phone, email, text message, note on doorstep; take the risk and reach out to your daughter and sister if you really want to start the process of repairing relationships. It’s never too late. Apologize, forgive, start over.
She’s asking how to make amends not be told she’s a bad person to leave it be
There is a reason you are not involved in your daughters life, and if you only want to be involved to see her children but don’t want a HEALTHY relationship with your daughter, than leave her alone!!
If it’s that important reach out to your sister if you can or get in touch with other family apologize or ask if y’all can just move on it’s not worth the missed timeb
Reach out, she is your daughter. We don’t have all of the information, to place judgment to know what has happened. Don’t be pushy. Reach out to say, hi letting you know I’m thinking of you, Merry Christmas, I love you all. Something like that. Nothing more. If it opens a door, then it does. If it doesn’t then let it be. Good luck. My daughter and myself has had misunderstandings in the past, but it takes one reaching out.
She doesn’t want anything to do with you and neither does your sister? You need to evaluate what YOU’VE done. And you’re NOT entitled access to your daughter’s children. She doesn’t want you around them, clearly there’s a reason. Leave them the hell alone.
Apologize for whatever it is that you’ve done. That’s all you can do. Give a heartfelt apology, and if she wants to have a relationship with you, she will.
Damn lady, you better get the tissues because these bitches are savage!
If something went down between y’all, you might need to think hard on how you can be a part of her life again. Did you step over the line and act like a parent to the kids instead of a grandparent? You know, things like that. Just make sure you are aware of your boundaries and try not to cause trouble. If she is the one who causes trouble, then maybe you don’t need her in your life. Nobody needs toxic. If you were in the wrong, RECOGNIZE IT and apologize
Honestly, I wouldn’t reach out. She, and your sister have their reasons for not communicating with you. If and when they’re ready to get in contact with you, they will. I’d say that right now they simply need space and time. I’m not saying its right or wrong, as I don’t know what has occurred to cause them to stop talking to you, and there’s always 2 sides to ever story. Just to give them the space they are still needing. Your going to need to respect their wishes and boundaries. They’ve made it clean that they don’t want contact with you at this time.
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Obviously she’s been hurt enough by you that she cut you out of her life for a reason.
Do not contact her. If she is good and ready and healed from whatever trauma you caused, she will reach out.
And in case anyone else has a terrible relationship with their mother
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers is a wonderful group for healing.
We don’t know all the details so I don’t want to judge but it sounds like she wants to stay away from you. If it’s really important, reach out to your sister and start a dialogue. Find out why they don’t want to keep in touch with you and address those issues. You may have to go to counseling to start working on any deeply routed toxic traits that might be scaring them off.
How do y’all know she did something wrong? We are here to help each other not tear down. I have a very big family & when my siblings had a disagreement some would side with one & others would side with other. It doesn’t mean either is wrong or right just disagreeing. Honey you reach out to your daughter & y’all try to mend y’all’s relationship for yourselves & your grandkids. Good luck.
From a daughter who cut off her mom for a year and is currently distant, take ownership of what you did wrong and accept their anger. Ask her to tell you what shes feeling from the heart and how you hurt her. Listen without making a show of emotion, whatever she has to say you need to hear no matter how hard it was. When I told my mom she had abandoned me she said she couldn’t stand to be in the house with her husband. But she left her three little girls to the man she was hiding from and she doesnt even want to admit it. She knows what he did, but she wants to just paint over it. Bring the hurts to light and let her spew whatever anger she needs to. And then, and only if you truly mean it, tell her how sorry you are. No blaming others, no stories for pity. Tell her how deeply sorry you are for everything you did and everything she didnt say this time because you know you probably hurt her even more then that. Ask her what she wants you to do, what she needs from you. Please do, because I will never get this from my mom. I love her, but I will never rely on her or trust her love again. That ended when I was 6 years old. Dont make my mothers mistake, put her first.
If your daughter isn’t talking to you, then there is probably a reason. Respect her privacy. Give your number to your sister, if you have contact with her and let your daughter reach out to you *if she wants to. Otherwise, let it be.