How can I talk to my grandma without hurting her feelings?

Hello. I need Advice about my mom, ever since I was little my mom never really took care of me it was always my grandparents. If they asked her for money for me for clothes for school, she always complained. When I was little, she would always tell my siblings she hated me and that I was her least favorite child. I used to feel like a burden to her, and it stuck with me for a long time. Now I am an adult with a family of my own, and I do not have a relationship with my mother, but I frequently talk to my grandmother on the phone, and sometimes when I talk to her, my mother is in the background. The last few times, when I have been on the phone with my grandma, my mom refers to my daughter as her grandchild and constantly says how is my granddaughter, and it makes me uncomfortable because she has never met my daughter and she has never apologized for things in the past. Now every time I talk to my grandma, she is constantly trying to pressure me to talk to my mother; it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to call my grandmother anymore because I know it won’t stop…also my grandmother always defends my mother’s actions…I want to tell my grandmother it makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings

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You are all adults, just tell her how you feel. If she can’t respect that, I wouldn’t call her anymore. I don’t keep people in my life who can’t respect the healthy boundaries I have set for my family and myself. Though sometimes this hurts me more than it hurts them, self care is necessary for a happy, peaceful life.

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Is this the grandma that took care of you?

If you have a hard time expressing it them then I would write it in a letter. Then you can get everything out without anyone trying to defend the other person.

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Just flat out tell her.
My mom left my brother and I when I was 3 then I turned 21 and all of a sudden she shows up out of no where and expects me to call her mom :joy: I just had my 2nd baby and she calls them her grandchildren. I ignore it but my kids dont see her #1 because she is an absolute stranger to me. Any conversation with her is short and bland so I havent gotten to know her in the last 6 years. #2 she is in Germany so I’m not making the trip there…

You have boundaries and they are your kids speak up mama

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I would say something like Grandma I still have a lot of hard feelings about how my mom treated me as a child. I’m trying to work through them but it still hurts when you talk about her. Please dont. I love you and thank you for all the love and care you gave me but she still hurts my heart.

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Did your mom have mental issues? Keep in mind, that’s your grandma’s daughter. Of course she wanting peace.
You should talk to her and ask, why was my mom mean to me? Theres probably more to the story that you dont know.

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You need to just be honest with your grandmother, she should understand cuz she knows your situation. Your mother lost all parental/grandparentalprivileges rights.

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I am in a similar situation. Be open with your grandma. You do not owe your mother a single thing including a title. My mother calls and talks to my grandma off and on. I dont get it because my grandma that I love dearly is my dad’s mom. Anyways, my grandma knows exactly how I feel about my mother knowing ANYTHING about my children and she respects my privacy. Be firm. I never let up but I also have 0 contact with my mother for years now.

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I too am the least favorite child and have always been treated like dirt by my mother… Just here to say you’re not alone and I know how much it sucks. I had to block my mom and anyone who “takes her side” out of my life. It’s literally the only thing that brought me peace. You gotta get rid of the toxic people in your life and those who aren’t willing to understand that there are TWO sides to every story. Sounds like Grandma is only hearing your mom’s side. When it comes to your grandmother, she needs to understand and respect that you do not want your mom involved in your conversations with her. If she can’t at least give you that then you may have to cut ties for your own sake.

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You are a adult, tell your grandmother you want nothing to do with your mom. Plain & simple

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Just want to say, you are not alone.
I’ve had to leave my family behind due to the parental issues.

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Sometimes you have to not be around the people you love in order to be progressive.
You have to atleast tell your grandma how you feel. Give her a chance to respect your feelings or not. Then you will know how to proceed.

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I would say I love you grandma and appreciate that you were the mother she didn’t want to be but because of that I have no interest in having a relationship with her. I hope that you understand and respect my feelings about my a woman who was just an egg donor while you were a real mother to me.

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I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings. But you have to just tell her how you feel. You’re an adult. If you don’t want to speak to your mother, you shouldn’t have to. I am in the same boat. My mamaw and some other family members push me to talk to my “mom” but I refuse. She hasn’t been around for over half of my life. If you’re not comfortable with it, then let her know. Tell her you’re not trying to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad. But you’re just not comfortable talking to her when she is around.

Your mother is still
Ur grandmothers child. It’s in her nature to want to see the best of her cause some time the truth is too painful. U don’t need to reach out to your mother, but always keep
I’m contact with your grandmother. She was there when no one else was. Just be a little patient. Sometimes when we understand the actions it makes it easier to deal with them. Sending love!

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Just tell your grandma how you feel

I would just tell your grandma that she’s your mother and you don’t wish to speak to her

Better to be straight forward then to beat arou d the bush. Just let her know and don’t be sorry for feeling the way u do.

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Be honest it’s your life. Your grandmother can handle it she has dealt with harder things in life.