How can I talk to my husband about our son?

I need ideas to address my husband about our son (his biological). He is incredibly spoiled because he was an only child and only grandchild for ten years. It is no fault of his own, but he completely knows how to work with his parents and grandparents. A few months ago we spent 5 hours in the E.R. because he got heartburn from hot chips his grandma gave him and refused to eat a tums at home but instead thrashed around, screamed, cried, and threw a 40-minute fit until his dad finally took him in and got a tums at the end of the visit. He also refuses to do homework because “I’ll do it at my mom’s” or “I’ll do it at my dad’s” and then never does it. He won’t don’t anything with us as a family (I have two biological children) because he’d rather go with grandma because she buys him everything he wants. He has been in a different school every year since kindergarten because he doesn’t like his teachers. This kid is super sweet, loving, and smart, but if it were up to me, he’d have been disciplined a long time ago, and now I feel like I am overstepping when I try to say anything. I love this kid as my own, which is why I think this behavior needs to end now, but I don’t know how to approach my husband about it for fear of him thinking I don’t love our son.

10 Likes

I would just talk to him. Express your concerns there’s nothing wrong with that.

1 Like

Sounds like a future narc…

2 Likes

Obviously if it’s happening in her home and affecting her kids and her finances (frivolous emergency room visits can be costly and refused by insurance), it’s her business as well.

My suggestion would be to point blank initiate conversation with your husband from a place of concern. Explain to him that you’re worried about your son’s future when he is having this many struggles functioning socially within the home and at school already. Further point out that you are concerned because you love your son and want him to be a successful adult. Your husband very well may share your concern but be hiding it because he doesn’t know how to handle it either.

Worst case scenario he does get angry. So what? If you can’t communicate about your children and your marriage there are other problems underlying that may be contributing to the behavioral problems. Family counseling for him and you guys would be a great place to start, especially if dad isn’t big on discipline. This gives you an outlet to get impartial feedback and suggestions on how to manage things more effectively as a team.

Bring it up lightly. We were in the same boat and the stress was tearing apart my husband and I. Eventually I had to speak up. You and your husband are a team…remember that.

Don’t folks talk before marriage??? Your place as step mom gives you all the rights. Do you have contact with his Mom?? Y’all need to get on the same page Quick…

Speak up, because they are raising a crappy person, he needs be taught rules and boundaries before he winds up in prison.

11 Likes

i have that kind of problem too even with my own son because my husband and my own parents spoils him too much but i know i have to stand in my ground. whatever happens to that child in the future will also affect me so eventhough you are just a stepmom you are still an integral part of that family so you dont have to be afraid to tell your husband what you think. What they do and the consequences of their decision and action towards that child will affect you too so dont be afraid to speak up.

Hes playing up … speak to his dad … hes only gonna end up worse … hes being a drama queen x

4 Likes

Someone needs to say something, the child is a manipulator. It needs to STOP now before he gets any older. He needs discipline before he ends up in jail.

7 Likes

MIND YOUR BUSINESS not your kid

5 Likes

Butt out…not your child

5 Likes

It fully is her business. If she is expected to stand in a parent role, as a legal stepmom then it is absolutely 100% her business.

17 Likes

Let him read this. Clearly, you care about him. Best of luck.

2 Likes

No more grandma visits until he learns how to act. Follow through on punishments… no empty words.

2 Likes

He is obviously not a sweet loving child he is an obnoxious little shit that needs a reality check and a kick up the arse

Whether you talk to Dad or not if they don’t straighten him out now, the prison will down the road

4 Likes

Establish HOUSE RULES and HOUSE PUNISHMENTS together . He can behave how ever he is allowed to get away with at grandmas and his mothers, but in y’alls home it won’t work that way . Do not back down on punishments and they should apply not only to his son but ur children aswell .

5 Likes

How old is this boy?

2 Likes

If you can’t have open communication about the kids, then you might have a problem there. Even though he isn’t your blood, you should still express concern.

2 Likes