Hi, just looking for advice. I have a four-year son and a boyfriend of two and a half years. We currently live in a home with my grandfather. We moved here a year ago so that I could take care of my grandmother while she was sick. After she passed, we stayed because I didn’t want to leave my grandfather alone as he had never been without my grandmother and didn’t really know how to take care of himself (laundry, cooking, cleaning). Everything has been fine until a few weeks ago. My grandfather started getting really nasty towards me. Saying I don’t cook or clean or do enough around the house. That he’s sick of living with 30-year-olds. Just picking at me here and there all throughout the day. (Side note: I also work two jobs as does my boyfriend). My boyfriend has been getting sick of how to mean my grandfather is to me but wouldn’t voice it because he didn’t want to disrespect my grandfather. But while I was at work the other day my grandfather confronted him and told him he was ruining my life and that he wasn’t good enough for me and that he used to like him, but he’s now decided he’s a terrible person. My boyfriend finally couldn’t hold back and told my grandfather he hates how he disrespects me and treats me badly all the time. And that he’s sick of watching me bend over backward to make him happy to just have him yell at me every day. My grandfather told my boyfriend he had to leave the house. So he is staying with his sister at the moment. We found a house to rent and are planning to move in a few weeks as soon as the owner has it ready. I tried to speak to my grandfather today and told him it’s time my son and I move out and that we would be leaving soon. My grandfather freaked out at me, telling me we can’t leave and that I’m a horrible mother if we do leave. And that if we move out I’m choosing my boyfriend over my family and he’ll never speak to me again. Mind you, the house we are moving to is five minutes from my grandfather. We are definitely moving. I won’t continue to subject my son to constant yelling, and I won’t be kept from the man I’m planning on spending my life with and who my son adores and misses terribly. My dilemma is that I don’t really know how to handle my grandfather and his ultimatum. I obviously don’t want to never see or speak to him or my family again. But I honestly feel it’s time we leave and get back some normalcy in our lives. Especially for my son’s sake but also for my relationship. Do I keep trying to talk to my grandfather and try to get him to understand why we need to leave? Or do I just keep my head down and get through with as little conflict as possible until we can leave?
Sounds like he is lashing out because he misses his wife:( This is a tough situation but I would never not want to talk to my grandpa
Keep talking to him to try to get him to understand but definitely stand your ground. He made it clear he doesn’t want you there so why stay. He might just be a little hurt and scared to be alone but it’s time to move forward with your life and little family of 3.
Your going to have conflict unfortunately. Your grandfather is abusive to you. Good on you for moving out. He may or may not come around. Its up to the family if they want you a part of their life or not. Not his. You’ve done your job and then some. You are doing right by your child for leaving. You have to set an example of what you will and wont allow. Not allowing your grandfather to abuse you is big. Just try to ignore the outburst and move your stuff to storage until you can move. Just because he misses his wife does not mean he gets to take it out on you. That’s not fair. Keep your head up, stand your ground. Its only a few more weeks
Keep your head down until you can leave. Hopefully he will come around once he has time to miss you.
Sounds like he’s grieving and lashing out
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this right now, I think I would just try to keep the peace until you can get into your new home. I wish you a happy life
Is he normally confrontational? Might be alzheimers, stress can do terrible things to the brain especially the elderly and very young. Maybe get help getting him to a Dr.
He probably wants you to leave any way. He will be fine when he find out you just down the street.
Does dementia/Alzheimers run in your family? Maybe get on the internet and look up some stuff. If he isn’t normally like this a d is all of a sudden lashing out it could be something more. Depression is a possiblity as well.
It sounds to me like onset of dementia, get him into a dr to be assessed
Might be depression or the beginnings of old timers just.move and visit maybe get him involved with a senior center
Do what you have to do. if he’s in his right mind, he will come around. If not, he will deteriorate. You cannot force him to get medical care, an evaluation, etc—because if it is dementia or a mental illness, he will fight you tooth and nail, and you’ll be painted as the bad guy. Where are his children in all of this? Get them involved. If they have washed their hands of him, there’s a reason. Move—nothing good will come of staying.
Just tell him your moving you feel like you’re causing a problem but you will come check on him etc i hope you will anyway.
It sounds as if something snapped in his brain. Has he been to a doctor to see if he had a stroke?
I would say to him that while you love him very much, that you feel he is alert enough to live on his own now. Maybe he needs some one to hire that can come in 2x a week to clean. Teach your grandfather how to order food or shop for himself. And then pack and leave. If he cuts you off, chances are it will not be for long. And the silence may be nice.
Has your grandfather ever spoke to you or anyone like that before if not there could be something wrong with him. But other then that just keep talking to him and let him know. Also maybe talk to another family member and see if they will help talk to him about it.
Get him a Home Health company, and Meals on Wheels. They will get him an aide to do the cleaning and cooking. Kind a watch over him. Less stress on all of you
Loneliness is a terrible thing. Sounds like he is lashing out big time. Possible form of depression. I really hate to even suggest it too, but it could also be a medical issue. Most times, when a person is at the early stages of alzheimers or dementia, they are very mean. If u do leave…I do think u should see him very often. He lost his wife, his life has changed, and he is having issues dealing with it all. I’m not saying him being mean to you is ok…but, maybe see if he can get to the doctor to have any assessments done.
Get through it till you can leave… remember that anger deep down is usually simply grief… you need to do what is best for your child and your family’s happiness, that’s it that’s all… Tell him straight up the day you are moving and leave it at that… if he hasn’t attempted to change his behaviour then it sounds like he simply need’s time alone to reflect on his situation and his life…
Id try ro be kind and maybe get a doctors check up. As a home care worker that sounds to me like something else is going in.