How can I tell my SO I am pregnant when he isn't ready?

I am a mom to two babies, 8 and 1 yo. My partner and I have had a rough year, but we are doing okay. He is facing legal trouble; he is an addict but now sober and went to rehab, so he is just trying to get back to work. He doesn’t want anymore children, and I do. We spoke about doing it “right” in the future and planning our last one so we can be excited and enjoy every minute. welp, surprise. I am pregnant. I’m not sad at all. I know I have a few things to figure out, and my youngest is only one; that’s the only thing that makes me nervous. When I told him I wanted to talk to him, the first thing he said is “oh God. you better not be pregnant. we cannot have a baby right now.” so I didn’t even say anything to him. Now I’m kind of upset because I feel like I don’t have a supportive partner at all, and I really wanted to be happy. So now I feel super alone. How would y’all go about telling him? just rip off the band-aid? I feel like if he tries to tell me to terminate the baby, our relationship will be over because that will not be happening.

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Where you on birth control? From your post it seems kind of selfish he’s new in recovery he could very well relapse with the news.

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Why is he acting like it’s only your fault that you’re pregnant :joy:

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If abortion isn’t an option for you (I dont support it either) I’d say there really is no other option but to talk to him cause that baby bump will get harder to hide.

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You just explained having a rough year . He is a recovering addict and is trying to do the right thing for you and your children . Do you work ? Are you helping financially? I can only imagine the amount of stress he is under . He has to fight to be sober everyday . He told you he didn’t want anymore children . And now you feel alone because you know he won’t be happy? You knew he wouldn’t be happy . Maybe he wanted a better environment to bring another child into :pensive:he also has legal trouble so he also knows he might be missing part of his children’s life as well … you sound very immature

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You need to prepare yourself for the best case scenario and worst case. If he didnt want another baby then he had just as much responsibility to use protection. I personally do not feel it’s fair to expect him to match your excitement. At the same time, he should not put the blame solely on you ( if he does) or get angry with you. Its not an ideal situation to bring a baby into so just give him time to wrap his head around. Just be honest (and patient) with him and take it one day at a time. Either way you got this momma and congratulations! <3

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You just say ‘im pregnant either deal with it or leave’ but realistically you should have been safer it can lead him backwards from his sobriety if he’s unhappy. Hopefully that doesn’t happen but do not take care of him if he falls back you take care of your kids and yourself those are the priorities

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Lord I hope he doesn’t relapse again. Does sounds like a lot to handle right now. Just come out and say it I guess💁

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It’s on gods timing :heart: Maybe this is exactly what he needs. Congratulations!

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There is no easy way! My husband didn’t want anymore and is also a recovering/recovered addict. Just get it over and done with and tell him. I call my husbands counselor and told her and she made herself available for him all that day. He was pissed but it takes 2. I was on birth control and he used condoms. I ovulated during my period and became pregnant. I’m not sad either!!

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Kinda sounds like you did it on purpose but you BOTH should have been careful so this didn’t happen during such a difficult time in your relationship better just sit down & have a heart to heart with him

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Well you should have been honest, 90% says he’s a goner

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Get it over with and tell him. Be prepared to be a single mother because it sounds like he is not ready for another child.

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coming from an addict in recovery married to an addict in recover (a lot shorter clean time than me amd we too are expecting) u have to tell him! part of recovery is dealing with life on life’s terms and if you where having sex (protected or not there is always at least the 1% chance) this is a life on lifes terms moment if there ever was one! are any kids ever really “planned” if he has a sponser (where he is early in recovery I would suggest a trusted person if he doesn’t have 1) have them sit with you and him to kind of let him vent to them instead of u afterward. I have another child with my husband n he had been locked up and I wasn’t sure if he was even going to be alive nevermind there for his birth but you have to be honest for both of u and the kids sake! be honest, upfront and I wish u the best congrats to you and I hope it a works out!

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Went through a similar situation With my unborn sons dad. He said he wasn’t ready for another kid but then I found out 2-3 months later I was pregnant. He wasn’t happy when I told him and basically told me to chose him or the baby. I chose the baby it all depends on if you’re willing to walk away if he isn’t gonna support you. It takes 2 to get pregnant.

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You’ve had a rough year. He’s dealing with legal troubles. You knew he didn’t want another baby right now. He’s newly sober. This, will def make it harder for him to stay sober most likely. Don’t just rip the band-aid off. Sit him down and talk to him. You both should’ve been taken precautions. Dealing with all that, and expecting a new baby, while fighting to stay clean and sober, that’s a struggle.

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Its going to be tough your in a partnership. I know all about addiction and it takes more than a stint in rehab. Im glad your happy about the pregnancy but you might have a tough road ahead think before you act.hope it works out be there for each other hes still trying to stay clean and get a job another mouth to feed is hard but it can be done good luck merry xmas stay safe

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Yep rip off the bandaid, tell him he can either step up and deal with it or step out and leave. I suppose regardless, you will have to respect his decision if he has said he isn’t ready. Overcoming addiction is no easy feat and throwing a baby into the mix could overwhelm him. How he chooses to deal with it is up to him

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Yeah just tell him. His feelings are valid too.

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I ain’t ever had either of my kids fathers be happy at that news :joy: just rip off the band aid maybe gently as he sounds fragile and work through it together or alone if you have to. It’s not something you should hide and you’ll need support so I’d front up.

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